2007 Royal Rumble

This is billed as "the most star studded Royal Rumble ever." Shawn Michaels wants to main event Wrestlemania again, but so does Chris Benoit. Edge wants in, too. Great Khali is destruction. Kane killed MVP to get here. King Booker wants to stay king. The Undertaker beat the shit out of everyone to make a statement. The ECW Extremists are also in this one. Lillian and the Fink always gave such long-winded explanations for the rules. Just once, someone should come out and say, "if you're thrown over the top and you're feet hit the floor, you're out. 30 people in, 29 people out. LET'S GO!"

#1 is Ric Flair. It's been a long way since the '92 Rumble, eh, Flair? JBL questions whether Flair can be the 60 minute man again. #2 is Finlay, as we get the two old school veterans to start. Not a bad way to kick things off. 90 second intervals this year. Finlay beast Flair in the corner with some stiff looking shots, but Flair retaliates with chops. Finlay tries to toss Flair but an eye rake stops that. Kenny Dykstra is #3. Dykstra, from the Spirit Squad on his own now, has had a mini-feud with Flair, and, according to Lawler, has three victories over Flair at this point. Flair kicks his ass with chops. Finlay attacks from behind and Kenny joins in until Finlay tries to dump Dykstra. Flair tries to come up from behind and dump Finlay to no avail. Stiff chop for Dykstra. They're like gunshots! Matt Hardy is your third entrant, going to work on Kenny. Side-Effect to Dykstra. Great moment as the camera is focused on Matt trying to dump Finlay, but you can still HEAR the chops Flair is delivering to Kenny. #5 is EDGE. He's 1/2 of the World Tag Team Champions with Randy Orton. Spear for Flair, spear for Finlay, but Matt moves, and hits the Twist of Fate on Edge! Cole brings up Edge making Matt leave Raw. JBL says, "forced him to leave his girlfriend." Flair goes outside for a pair of chairs, hoping for a con-chair-to to Edge but Dykstra stops him. Edge and Dykstra toss Flair. Dykstra goes to strut, so Edge tosses him, too.

#6 is Tommy Dreamer, who goes to work on Edge. No love lost there as Edge gets in the tree of woe and dropkicked. Dreamer, Beulah and Terry Funk lost to Edge, Lita and Mick Foley about 7 months earlier in a great, hardcore match. #7 is SABU. Sabu sets up a table on the outside. Cole quotes that Sabu has made a career out of it. Out of setting up tables? I could have sworn he was a wrestler. He goes right for Dreamer, bounces off the ropes, goes for a DDT and just kind of falls forward. Unless that's what he meant. I've never understood how Sabu was genocidal. #8 is the Cruiserweight Champion, Gregory Helms (complete with music that states, "GREGORY HELMS.") He won it a year ago at the Rumble and hasn't lost it yet. He goes for Matt as they're engaged in a mini-feud that really went nowhere. Finlay tries to toss Sabu to the outside and through the table but Sabu hangs onto the ropes. #9 is Shelton Benjamin, as he and Charlie Haas are a tag team again at this point. He tries to toss Dreamer out and through the table, but Dreamer stops it. Benjamin tries the same for Matt but Matt hangs on. #10 is Kane, in his 9th consecutive Royal Rumble. I hope he tops his record one day. Maybe this year, with 40 men in it. Kane pretty much takes care of business as Lawler steals my line and says he thinks Kane wants to break his own record. Chokeslam for Edge, and Dreamer is tossed. Kane goes to toss Sabu out and through the table but Sabu escapes. He tries to clothesline Kane out, to no avail. Kane backdrops Sabu, who lands on the apron. GOOZLE TO SABU! Chokeslam through the table, and Sabu is gone.

#11 is CM Punk in his first Royal Rumble. He tries to toss Edge right away as JBL calls him boring but says he's extremely talented. He put it humorously, though. #12 is KING...BOOKAH!!! I love King Bookah. Booker tosses Gregory Helms. Booker is upset he never got his one-on-one rematch against Batista, to whom he lost the World Heavyweight Championship. #13 is Super Crazy, who is apparently Super, AND Crazy. Huh, who would have thought. JBL references Mil Mascaras eliminating himself, and calls him "Super Idiot." Nice reference. Booker tries to toss Finlay but Finlay hangs on and runs to the middle of the ring, which is a pretty smart idea. #14 is the Intercontinental Champion, Jeff Hardy. Matt and Jeff team up to double suplex Finlay. Some tandem maneuvers for Edge, too. JBL suspects the Hardys don't like Edge, because, "well, he stole all their girlfriends!" I miss JBL. They go after Kane, but DOUBLE GOOZLE. They fight away and hit Poetry in Motion. #15 is the Sandman, beer in hand, coming in through the crowd. He has a kendo stick and whack s Jeff, Matt, and Super Crazy with it before being tossed by King Booker. The crowd doesn't like that. #16 is the other half of the Tag Team Champions, Randy Orton. Edge and Orton team up and toss out Super Crazy. They had a little dissension on Raw when Orton tossed Edge over the top rope but they're on the same page here. Rated RKO tries to dump Matt but Jeff saves, but then Jeff gets dumped. There goes Matt, as well. Rated RKO is back on the same page, and they attack CM Punk and Shelton Benjamin.

#17 is the United States Champion, Chris Benoit. It's a little bittersweet as he gets a huge pop coming in, but this is his last Royal Rumble. Later that year, he murdered his family and committed suicide. So tragic. Benoit cleans house though and hits some Germans. Booker and Benjamin both get one. #18 is Rob Van Dam. Kane tosses KING BOOKAH, who is NOT happy. Booker jumps back in the ring and attacks Kane. Scissor Kick and Booker clotheslines Kane out. This sets up their match at No Way Out. #19 is the World's Largest Love Machine, Viscera. This gimmick lasted two Rumbles? Fuck. Nothing much goes on here, except they clear out Booker from beating up Kane. #20 is Johnny Nitro, who tries to toss Rob Van Dam to no avail. Benoit tries to toss Benjamin who hangs on the BOTTOM ROPE and holds his legs up from touching. Amazing. #21 is Kevin Thorne. Vis tries to dump RVD and Nitro comes to help, but Van Dam hangs on and dropkicks Nitro into Vis. Big clothesline doesn't take Vis out. ANOTHER one doesn't get him. Van Dam charges again but gets clotheslined. #22 is ECW's Hardcore Holly. Five guys try to eliminate Viscera. In fact, everyone joins in but it doesn't work. #23 is SHAWN MICHAELS! Shawn attacks Finlay as his hometown is going NUTS. Lou Thesz Press for Finlay! Shawn CLOTHESLINES Finlay out. Sweet Chin Music to Viscera! Everyone gangs back up and dumps Viscera! Shawn backdrops Shelton Benjamin out! Big "HBK" chant.

#24 is Chris Masters. Rated RKO works on Shawn. Rated RKO is credited for injuring Triple H and tearing his quad. Nitro goes to the second turnbuckle but Benoit runs over and bashes him off and to the outside. #25 is Chavo Guerrero. Benoit eliminates Chris Benoit. #26 is the burn victim, MVP, after losing an Inferno Match to Kane. MVP was still a rising star here before he hit the glass ceiling. Van Dam dropkicks Masters out of the ring. Van Dam smiles and nods his head. #27 is Carlito. Carlito gets a nice little pop. He goes nuts on everyone. "The later you're in, the better it is for you," says Cole. JBL replies, "that is one hell of an intelligent statement, Cole. Our fans aren't idiots." I miss JBL so much. #28 is the Great Khali. The question is already presented, "who the hell can stop the Great Khali?" Everyone stops fighting and gets ready. Edge and Van Dam attack when Khali gets on the apron but gets shoved away. Headbutts for everybody. Seriously, he just headbutts EVERYBODY. Nope Edge, Orton and HBK gets chopped on the head. So does MVP. And Benoit. There goes Hardcore Holly. #29 is the Miz, looking like a COMPLETE goober. And there goes the Miz via Khali. Boy, did things change for him. Goodbye Rob Van Dam. Goodbye CM Punk. Goodbye Carlito. Goodbye Chavo. Benoit was tossed out somewhere in there, too.

All the announcers talk about how nobody can stop Khali and he's locked for the winner. Only one man left. Khali gives Michaels a tree slam. WHO CAN STOP THE GREAT KHALI?! #30 is, of course, that man...THE UNDERTAKER. JBL makes a note how nobody has won from #30, virtually locking 'Taker for the win. 'Taker ducks a punch and throws right hands at Khali. He gets chopped but comes right back. The Undertaker won't stop attacking. Khali is against the ropes now, Undertaker backs up, and clotheslines Khali out! 'Taker fires away at the rest of the ring! Old school for MVP! Goodbye MVP!

Final four: Edge, Randy Orton, the Undertaker, and Shawn Michaels. And ANY of these man can feasibly win. MVP grabs a chair and tries getting in the ring but the referee stops him. Orton grabs the chair and BASHES the Undertaker in the head. Edge lines up Orton for a Spear and charges, but Orton readies the chair and Edge stops! Orton wants to know what Edge was doing. Shawn Michaels is up now but gets dropped with an RKO and falls out of the ring (under the ropes). Edge wants to refocus on the Undertaker, so Rated RKO attacks. Undertaker, busted open, fights back against Rated RKO. GOOZLE TO ORTON! GOOZLE TO EDGE! They kick 'Taker in the gut and clothesline him, but 'Taker ducks and clotheslines Rated RKO! Snake eyes to Edge, big boot!! GOOZLE TO ORTON! But Edge spears the Undertaker!! Chair to the Undertaker. Orton rolls Undertaker on the chair in the ring and Edge grabs another one as we set up for the one-man Con-Chair-To. But Shawn is back in the ring!! Shawn backdrops Orton out! Edge swings with the chair, Shawn ducks, Sweet Chin Music to Edge, and Edge is out!!

We are down to Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker and both men are down. This is what got me wanting Shawn Michaels vs. the Undertaker for the two years before we finally got it. Undertaker sits up, but Shawn kips up! 'Taker pulls the straps down! Shawn attacks on the 2nd turnbuckle with punches but 'Taker shoves him off, but Shawn runs back up and attacks. 'Taker shoves him away and GOOZLES him this time. 'Taker tosses Shawn into the corner and beats away. He nearly punches Shawn out but Shawn hangs on, fighting his way free. Shawn ducks a clothesline and hits a few chops. 'Taker reverses an Irish Whip and Shawn does the Flair flip into the turnbuckle and onto the apron. 'Taker charges with a boot but Shawn moves and 'Taker goes on the apron while Shawn slides in the ring! Shawn bounces off the ropes and tries to knock off 'Taker but 'Taker elbows Shawn in the face and climbs back in the ring. 'Taker whips Shawn into the ropes but Shawn hits a spinning neckbreaker. 'Taker is up and woozy so Shawn fires away. 'Taker and Shawn trade blows, both men battered and beaten down from those chair attacks. Shawn ducks a punch but meets 'Taker's boot. 'Taker hoists Shawn onto the apron but Shawn hangs on. Shawn fights his way free and goes up top, but 'Taker catches him. Shawn crotches and nearly falls out but 'Taker goes up top and tries to toss Shawn but Shawn fights his way to freedom. 'Taker falls back into the ring and Shawn delivers the HUGE Flying Elbow Drop! Shawn is now tuning...up...the...band. Everyone is standing up! They are ALL pro-Shawn. 'Taker catches the foot, GOOZLE, CHOKESLAM! 'Taker cuts the throat, calling for the end. Undertaker hoists 'Taker up but Shawn falls out the back and hits Sweet Chin Music!! Shawn tunes up the band again but 'Taker catches Shawn and dumps him for the win! WHAT A FINALE. There has NEVER been this good of a final-two-entrants part of the Rumble. This was absolutely off the hook and set the stage for their future Wrestlemania matches two and three years later. Absolutely mesmerizing. Crowd was totally pro-Shawn though and maybe they should have given it to Shawn, but it was still great. Unfortunately, the rest of the match was pretty blah most of the time. It gained momentum when Khali got in though and took off from there. We'll split the difference. ***3/4