1997 Royal Rumble

On commentary is Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry the King Lawler. Big production this year as we get fireworks to kick off the Rumble. #1 is Crush, of the Nation of Domination. No longer does he don the purple and silver, he currently appears as if he just broke out of prison. #2 is Ahmed Johnson, who was in a deep-seated feud with the Nation at this point (before he inexplicably joined them). 90 second intervals this year. Ahmed dives in and Crush works away at Ahmed. Crush was never the best wrestler but he had a great aura about him. The two men just brawl, really selling the hatred for each other. No wrestling moves, just beating the shit out of each other. The pace slows down as Crush tries to eliminate Ahmed. #3 (with no countdown) is "Razor Ramon." This is the fake Razor Ramon, as Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were WCW employees at this point. The crowd does NOT like fake Razor, and Ahmed tosses him to their approval. The fake Razor, Rick Bognar, had his mannerisms down pat. Ahmed stops and jumps over the top rope because Faarooq was up the aisle. Ahmed chases Faarooq to the back and #4 is Phinneus Godwinn. Phinneus would later go on to be Mideon and the infamous Naked Mideon.

We still have clock problems as the glass shatters, and #5 is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Much more bad ass the the Ringmaster, Austin is fresh off a GREAT match at Survivor Series '96 with Bret Hart. He is also the 1996 King of the Ring. He didn't win but he sure looked like a star. Phinneus attacks Austin right away. Crush attacks Phinneus and is accidentally nailed by Austin. Phinneus tosses Crush, but receives a Stunner, and is tossed by Austin. #6 is Bart Gunn. Bart gets a few shots in on Austin and his an awkward fame-asser. Austin is having none of that though, and tosses Bart Gunn. Austin stops to do push-ups. Classic moments as Austin sits on the turnbuckle and looks at his watch that isn't there, waiting for the next opponent. #7 is Austin's King of the Ring finals opponent, Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Jake throws the snake in the bag into the ring and works over Austin. Crowd still wants the DDT. Vince actually references these two facing off at the KOTR '96. JR sells this as a two match journey to the top of the mountain, which I really like the analogy of. Jake hits a short-arm clothesline and calls for a DDT, but is back dropped out by Stone Cold. #8 is on his way, and it's the British Bulldog. He plows through Stone Cold. Bulldog nails a Running Power Slam. Bulldog stays in and on the offense as Pierroth comes in at #9, right from the AAA. Vince had the brilliant (cough) idea of bringing Mexican wrestlers in to liven up the Rumble. It did nothing of the effect.

Stone Cold and the Bulldog team up to attack Pierroth, but then Bulldog turns on Austin, due to their mutual hatred of each other. #10 is the Sultan, who is Fatu from the previous years and Rikishi from the future. The Sultan and Pierroth square off as the Bulldog nearly takes out Austin but can't quite push him over. #11 is Mil Mascaras. There's nothing wrong with bringing in popular superstars, but the problem is, that nobody in Texas has a clue who these guys are. There's also no indicator telling the crowd who they are. There's no telling if the experiment would have worked since it was marketed horribly. Timer seems shorter than usual with #12 starting up, and it's Hunter Hearst Helmsley in his second Royal Rumble. He goes right after the Bulldog as Pierroth tries to eliminate Stone Cold. The Bulldog hits the Sultan with a clothesline, who does the 360 degree sell before being clotheslined out of the Royal Rumble. Austin tries to eliminate Hunter but Hunter hangs on. Austin retaliates by flicking him off an drilling him with an elbow.

#13 is Owen Hart, or as Vince puts it (speaking for Bret), "Bret's stinking, rotten brother." Owen and Austin got at it, with no love lost there. Owen and the Bulldog are Tag Team Champions at this point as Bulldog saves Owen from Austin. The Bulldog tries to eliminate Austin, but Owen sneaks up from behind and shoves the Bulldog out. Bulldog is NOT happy. "Owen hasn't told the truth since the King was a Prince," says Jim Ross. #14 is Goldust, who is a crowd favorite at this point. Three guys try to take out Goldust; why does it take THREE GUYS to eliminate GOLDUST?! Halfway mark hits as #15 is Cibernetico, who is only 20 years old. He goes after Mil Mascaras. Goldust and Helmsley battle, as they would meet at Wrestlemania 13 that year. #16 is Marc Mero. Cibernetico was tossed out by Mil Mascaras, who then dumps Pierroth as well. Mascaras goes THROUGH the ropes and up top, and dives onto Pierroth. He goes back into the ring but the referees tell him to leave. The crowd doesn't like that, and it is stupid, considering he went through the ropes. He should have been allowed to stay. Goldust eliminates Helmsley as Mero battles Goldust after. #17 is the Latin Lover. He hits a beautiful crescent kick on Owen. Goldust tries to toss Owen out, but Owen skins the cat. Vince even references Shawn doing that as Vince continues to impress me. Owen tosses out Goldust as Faarooq runs in at #18. Faarooq backdrops the Latin Lover out but gets his head taken off by Austin. Ahmed Johnson runs into the ring with a 2x4 and goes right after Faarooq to a huge pop from the crowd, and Faarooq gets his ass whooped right over the top rope.

In the ring, Stone Cold knocked Marc Mero and Owen Hart out at the same time. #19 is Savio Vega, who had a great, underrated feud with Steve Austin the year before. Savio beats down Savio and nails a spinning heel kick, but Austin is just too much and clotheslines Savio out. Crowd is really loving what Austin's doing at this point. Austin, beaten down and weary, on the ground...calls for the next entrant. #20 is the Roadie, aka Double J Jesse James....who is also known as the Road Dogg. "That guy is a promising young singer, I wish he's promise to stop singing." - Lawler. Road Dogg, pale as FUCK, gets a few shots on Austin and dances, before being eliminated by Stone Cold. Austin pretty much tells the crowd to fuck off, but they do like him. Austin catches his breath in the corner, sits back on the turnbuckle, and waits. #21 is Bret "the Hitman" Hart as Austin SHITS HIS PANTS. The look on Austin's face is BRILLIANT. Austin gets ready and calls Bret on as the crowd is pumped for this. Bret and Austin exchange blows, but Bret is the fresher man and gets Austin off his feet. They go back and forth with Bret coming up on top more often than not. Jerry Lawler is #22! He stands up from the commentators table, takes his jacket and headset off. "I've said it once and I'll say it again, it takes a King..." Lawler walks in as Bret has the Sharpshooter on Austin. Bret drops it, turns around, and punches Lawler out as soon as he gets in. "...TO KNOW A KING! I told you it takes a king to know a king!" "Do you know you were just in there, King?" - Vince. Lawler is flabbergasted, and has no idea what's going on. Lawler calls Bret a jerk.

#23 is Fake Diesel, better known as Isaac Yankeem DDS, better known as Kane. Not gonna lie, Kane made for an IMPRESSIVE looking Diesel. He could have easily carried that character had Kevin Nash never set it in stone. Bret and Diesel try to eliminate Austin but he fights his way out of the corner. Another entrant, as the clock must be down to 1 minute. #24 is Terry Funk, who is, in fact at this point...middle agred and crazy. Terry Funk and Stone Cold go at it, having fought on Saturday Night Shotgun the night before. #25 is ROCKY MAIVIA! Boy, did he look goofy as hell. He goes right after Stone Cold as if I some how warped to 2001 a bit early. Lawler still can't believe they're having a Royal Rumble without a king and suggests that he should go in there. #26 is Mankind, making his Royal Rumble debut. He rolls into the ring and goes right after the Funker. Funk vs. Mankind, and Bret vs. Austin are the high points. #27 is Flash Funk. Bret hits Austin with a piledriver as I cringe at the thought of a Hart family member piledriving Stone Cold. #28 is Vader. Terry Funk tries to take out Mankind but Mankind hangs on. Flash Funk goes right for Vader but Vader just beats the tar out of him. Austin attacks Vader next but eats Vader's massive arms and chest for his troubles. Lawler vows to enter the Royal Rumble next year.

#29 is Henry Godwinn, who attacks Vader and clotheslines him off his feet. Lawler still has no idea he was in the ring. #30 is the Undertaker as the lights go out in the ring. "That's the way they should have done the whole Rumble, haha!" - Lawler. All the participants are in now. 1997 Undertaker is so bad ass. Vader defeated the Undertaker earlier in the night and they pick up right where they left off. He goes after his other arch-nemesis in Mankind. Austin gets a Chokeslam. Vader gets a Chokeslam. Undertaker attacks "Diesel," who would turn out to be his half-brother later THAT YEAR. lol. ANYWAY. Flash Funk jumps into Vader's arms, who delivers a fallaway slam to Flash, who goes sailing to the outside. Seems like they're waiting for the signal to go home. Hey look, Rocky Maivia is still in there and tries to dump Bret. Nothing exciting goes on, despite the eliminations being over. The Undertaker grabs Henry Godwinn by the throat and chucks him to the outside. Rocky falls into the Mandible Claw as Mankind pushes him to the outside with it. Mankind delivers a Cactus Clothesline to Funk, but they both hang on Funk tries to suplex Mankind off the apron into the ring, but Mankind suplexes Funk to the outside instead. Mankind is tossed out by the Undertaker next, so Funk and Mankind brawl.

Final five (which is important): Vader, the Undertaker, Steve Austin, "Diesel" and Bret Hart. Bret Hart TOSSES Austin out. Unfortunately, no referee saw it. Austin sneaks in and dumps Vader and the Undertaker at the same time. Bret tosses "Diesel" out but Steve Austin sneaks in from behind and pushes Bret Hart out!! Austin managed to cheat the system to a good crowd reaction. You can tell that the crowd was really starting to get behind Austin as Bret is PISSED, kicking off the start of his slow-burn heel turn. Bret grabs Vince by the jacket and yells to him about doing something about this. More than solid Rumble that helped turn Austin into a star. It can also be attributed to starting Stone Cold's face turn and Bret Hart's heel turn. ***3/4