2002 Royal Rumble

This is an interesting Rumble for a number of reasons. Again, there are a few guys in here that could reasonably win, being Stone Cold, the Undertaker, Kurt Angle, and Triple H, who is wrestling in his first match since May of 2001 here, coming off of his first torn quadriceps muscle. Also, they promoted the returns of Goldust, Mr. Perfect, and a couple other guys in this one. There are also a bunch of fresh faces, as the Invasion angle had just ended and a few guys (Booker T, DDP, the Hurricane, etc) are in this one.

#1 is Rikishi. #2 is the returning Goldust. Crowd pops big for him. Dustin Runnels really took this outlandish gimmick and made it his own, and is still completely over with the crowd these days. They toyed with heel Goldust when he returned, but the crowd loved him too much, and he found a formidable tag team partner with Booker T. But that's later. Goldust circles Rikishi and bites at him, and Rikishi attacks. 2 minute intervals again this year. Goldust shows no ring rust here. He nearly gets tossed but hangs on for dear life. Goldust survives being backdropped out of the ring again. Goldust stays in the match as the Big Boss Man is #3. The Boss Man came back late in 2001 and retired from WWE in-ring competition about 5 months after this, before passing away sadly 2 years later. The Boss Man is still a great, old school heel here. Boss Man calls the shots as he teams with Goldust to try and toss Rikishi. It doesn't work so Goldust turns on the Boss Man. #4 is Bradshaw of the APA, and the crowd is HOT tonight. Bradshaw hits everything that moves. Honestly, the thing that wrestlers seem to miss in these Rumbles, is that something should ALWAYS be going on. There's so many wrestlers in the ring that there's no reason a couple guys shouldn't always have the stage to keep the crowd into it. This Rumble is doing that well so far. Rikishi superkicks the Boss Man, followed by a clothesline, sending him to the outside.

#5 is...and if I could be serious for a minute here... Lance Storm. And right here, Storm tries to get Goldust out, and Rikishi tries to get Bradshaw out. Obviously, neither man is going out by the way they're trying to toss them, so one of these pairs should take the center of the ring and do something interesting. #6 is Al Snow. Bradshaw just TAKES Storm's head off, viciously, with the Clothesline from Hell. Man that was intense. Anyway, Al Snow had just found somewhat of a career resurgence as the head trainer on Tough Enough, which got him more screen time than he ever had in the WWE. #7 is The One Billy Gunn, who now goes by Billy, in a tag team with Chuck Palumbo. This of course, led to their almost-marriage, to which Billy replied, "OH we're not gay!" Cracked me up. This is one of my favorite spots in the Rumble: Snow backdrops Storm onto the apron. Lance Storm tries to suplex Al Snow to the outside but he lands on the apron as well. They trade blows, and Storm hits an eyepoke. He goes for the superkick but gets caught, so Snow delivers his own superkick and Storm falls to the outside. I LOVE that elimination. One of my all-time favorites. Bradshaw tries to dump Goldust but Gunn sneaks up from behind and dumps Bradshaw.

#8 is...well fuck it, it's the Undertaker. And not just any Undertaker, but the HEEL Undertaker. Snow just stares at him in fear. Say goodbye to everyone in the ring. Chokeslam to Billy Gunn. 'Taker hits everyone moving. Goldust is Chokeslammed out of the ring. Goodbye Al Snow. Adios Rikishi. And peace the fuck out Billy Gunn. The Undertaker stands alone in his yard, telling them to get somebody in the ring. Despite being a heel, the crowd pops big for him. #9 is Matt Hardy, accompanied to the ring by Lita. Back in December, the Undertaker put Matt, Jeff, and Lita all out of action, during a Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy feud. 'Taker grabs Matt by the throat so Lita jumps off the top, but gets caught by the throat too. 'Taker shoves Matt away but Lita goes low. Swinging neckbreaker by Matt and Lita and Matt stomp away at the Undertaker. 'Taker kicks Matt in the nuts to stop his momentum. Matt tries to dump 'Taker, who is having NONE of that. #10 is Jeff Hardy, as the Hardys are reunited! Jeff saves Matt from being suplexed out of the ring! Matt DDT's 'Taker, and now the Hardys and Lita stomp away at the Undertaker. Big pop for that. Two years in a row Matt and Jeff have close numbers by each other and the Hardys hug. Good, because their feud crashed and burned. 'Taker clotheslines both Hardys at once to shut them the fuck up. 'Taker tosses Jeff, but he hangs on the apron. Twist of Fate...kinda...on 'Taker! Swanton Bomb! THE SHIRTS ARE COMING OFF! Well, just Matt's, so it's not that big of a pop. Poetry in Motion coming up but Jeff is caught and dumped. Last Ride to Matt Hardy. Bye bye young Matthew Hardy.

Without missing a beat, we have another entrant. #11 is...Tough Enough Season 1 winner, Maven. Maven is excited and pumped until he sees it's just the Undertaker in the ring. Everyone assumes Maven is fucked, and rightfully so. Lawler wants to time how long this will take. Lita is up on the apron to distract 'Taker. He shoves her off the apron so the Hardys run in to attack the Undertaker. 'Taker swats them away like flies and eliminates them again. Then, in one of the biggest surprise eliminations in the Rumble ever, Maven dropkicks the Undertaker from behind and SENDS HIM TO THE OUTSIDE! This was HUGE, as the Undertaker had a real chance to win and this no-name rookie eliminates him early on. Maven jumps up and down and then realizes what he's DONE, so the Undertaker comes back in the ring and beats the fuck out of Maven. In fact, they go through the crowd to the concession stands, and Maven goes through the ropes but is effectively taken out of the match. Maven takes a BRUTAL chair shot straight to the head. #12 is Scotty 2 Hotty who dances his way down until the Undertaker kills him dead on the ramp with a right hand. Maven does his first blade job! 'Taker beats Maven all around the arena as #13 is Christian, complete with awesome amazing pyro and theme music. 'Taker, ever the awesome one, eats popcorn after he throws Maven's head through a popcorn machine. Christian poses in the ring with his European Championship. Scotty is still wondering where the fuck he is, as Christian relaxes on the ropes. Scotty now in the ring, and he takes it to Christian.

#14 is Positively Page, DDP. DDP is in his motivational gimmick, which worked for him pretty well. He squares off against him Wrestlemania 18 opponent, Christian. Page was so over; they really fucked him over during the Invasion. He could have easily led the WCW/ECW Alliance side. When he pulled his mask off to reveal himself as the Undertaker's stalker, the crowd went wild. Such a shame it went down like it did, and he had more success as a mid-carder with the European Championship. Diamond Cutter to Christian and Scotty superkicks him through the ropes. This leaves the ring clear for a bulldog, followed by the...W-O-R-M! DDP back in and throws Scotty 2 Hotty over the rope and to the outside. Chuck Palumbo enters at #15. Page and Palumbo beat the hell out of each other for a bit before Christian joins in to clothesline DDP. #16 is the return of the Godfather! At this point, he's gone "legit." He brings out 4 ho's. Then...he brings out 4 more. THEN...he brings out 4 MORE. Godfather owns an escort service at this point. And 12 women dance around the Godfather at the top of the ramp and the crowd digs it. DDP was eliminated off-camera by Christian and Palumbo. Bad timing, really. Godfather starts to go to the ring, but runs back up to dance a little more. We replay as Chuck throws DDP into Christian, who backdrops him to the outside. Godfather gets in the ring as we get another entrant!

#17 is Albert, as I totally forgot he teamed with Scotty 2 Hotty for awhile. The Hip-Hop Hippo! Sure, why not. Interesting watching Albert work as a face but he did a pretty good job. Pump kick to the Godfather. He tries to eliminate the Godfather but Christian and Palumbo sneak up from behind and toss Albert. The Godfather runs through both Christian and Palumbo with a double clothesline, and then runs the HO-TRAIN on them. They both move and clothesline the Godfather out of the ring. Crowd HATES that. Christian and Palumbo go at it as Perry Saturn enters at #18. I miss Moppy. Saturn had a rough few years not long after this, getting shot and becoming addicted to meth. He only recently returned to the public spotlight. #19 is Stone Cold Steve Austin to a gigantic pop. Austin eliminates Christian. Stunner to Saturn. Austin tosses Palumbo. And there goes Saturn! Austin brings back his fictional watch, realizes he has more time, throws Christian back in, gives him a Stunner, and tosses him again! He goes back outside for Palumbo, throws HIM inside, Stunner, and there goes Palumbo again! Austin chants "What?" as the crowd counts down, and Val Venis returns at #20. Shitty way to come back to the ring, eh Val? Austin listens to his watch and attacks when Val gets in the ring. Val mounts a comeback and gains some offense on Austin. Lou Thesz Press to Val Venis as Test enters at #21. Lots of double team offense on Austin here, mainly so Val doesn't immediately job out on his return. Austin mounts the comeback, Test accidentally boots Val, Austin clotheslines Val out, Stunner to Test, and Austin tosses Test out!

Game over, as #22 is Triple H, to the pop of the night. I do believe this is his return match, anyway, and the motherfucker is JACKED; unfortunately it hurt his in-ring product, and he was never able to be as good as he was in 2000-2001 again, sadly. Hunter's last match was losing his tag titles to Jericho and Benoit. His partner? The Texas Rattlesnake. They exchange words before Austin throws the first punch. Enough time has passed during the elimination, as the Hurricane has the misfortune of being #23. Austin and Triple H clothesline each other in the middle of the ring. The Hurricane preps for the...Chokeslam. He grabs Triple H and Austin by the throat simultaneously. Hunter and Austin just look at each other, grab Hurricane by the back of the head, and throw him straight to the outside. They follow by chopping the shit out of each other. We're cutting down on time between entrants, as Faarooq of the APA is #24. Faarooq just keeps getting SHITTY draws in the Rumble. Spinebuster to Austin, and he tries to toss him out but Triple H attacks from behind and saves Austin inadvertently. Stunner to Faarooq and Triple H clotheslines him out. Triple H and Stone Cold continue to beat the tar out of each other.

#25 is the return of MR. FUCKING PERFECT, looking fit as hell. I believe the last time he was in the WWE was 1996, where he helped manage a young Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Perfect had such great theme music; in fact...it was Perfect. He tosses his towel at Austin and works him over. Triple H goes to attack but Perfect knocks him down too. Perfect pulls one of his straps up and tries to eliminate Austin. He catches Triple H coming up and goes on the offense. Triple H and Austin work Perfect against the ropes, and, in another one of the best moments ever in a Rumble, he STILL manages to spit his gum out AND swat it away! Beautiful!! #26 is Kurt Angle. He goes right after Triple H, who returned to Madison Square Garden and Pedigreed Kurt upon arrival. Kurt was not too pleased about that. We get a fantastic, "You Suck! What? You Suck! What?" chant. Kurt works over Triple H and tries to eliminate him, but Austin runs over and (ugh) saves Triple H. For his reward, he gets an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. The participants are just getting bigger and bigger as #27 is the Big Show. Chokeslam to Mr. Perfect. Big Show grabs Austin and Hunter by the throat as well but they fight out of it. Big Show still plows through them both with a double clothesline. Kurt tries a waistlock but fails a German Suplex, and eats a gorilla press slam for his results...well, nearly, as Triple H attacks first and Kurt is saved. At least in this case, he did it because Big Show is the biggest threat in the ring at this point. Big Show just dominates everyone here.

Chokeslam to Triple H, as Kane enters at #28. Doesn't look like he'll top his elimination record this year, but he goes toe-to-toe with the Big Show. Kane tries a clothesline but Big Show shrugs it off and boots Kane. They grab each other by the throat but Kane goes low, picks Big Show up, and BODY SLAMS BIG SHOW OVER THE TOP ROPE! For his rewards, he eats a Stunner, and gets an Olympic Slam to the outside. Crowd isn't happy with that, as Kane was just getting more and more over as a face. #29 is Rob Van Dam. He immediately goes up top and hits Kurt Angle with a Five Star Frog Splash. Kick to Triple H. Spinning heel kick to Austin! There's one for Perfect! Body slam to Austin, Rolling Thunder! Whoops, Triple H kicks Van Dam and hits the Pedigree to stop him in his tracks. It really bothers me that Perfect didn't pull his other strap up. #30 is Booker T. He picks up Rob Van Dam, who was still dead from the Pedigree, and casually tosses him over the top. SPINAROONI!!! Austin isn't amused, Stunner to Booker that sends him over the top.

Final four: Triple H, Kurt Angle, Mr. Perfect and Triple H. The action is hot and heavy as Austin slingshots Hunter into the turnbuckle, and Angle hits him with an Olympic Slam. Angle delivers a German Suplex to Austin...followeed by another one...and a third one...and a fourth one! Their Smackdown! match of last year had nearly a dozen German Suplexes to (heel) Austin from (face) Kurt Angle. Angle and Perfect nearly dump Austin but he hangs on. Austin fights out of Perfect and Angle, and tries to eliminate Perfect. Angle runs from behind and DUMPS AUSTIN! Perfect attacks Angle as Triple H starts to stir a bit. Austin drags Perfect to the outside and attacks, but Angle throws Austin into the steel steps. Hunter is back up and attacks Angle. Austin grabs a chair and slides back in, STEEL CHAIR SHOT TO PERFECT AND ANGLE! There's one to Triple H for good measure, because he's Stone Cold Steve Austin, and he don't give a fuuuuuck. Hey, lookie: two heels and a face are left. Angle and Perfect team up to take on Hunter, but Hunter ducks and Angle nearly clotheslines Perfect out, but he hangs on and goes after Angle! PERFECTPLEX TO ANGLE! It gets a damn good pop. Neck flip!! But Triple H clotheslines Perfect out of the ring. And Kurt Angle PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS! IT IS ON! SPEAR TO KURT ANGLE! No love loss here as Kurt successfully retained his WWF Heavyweight Championship a year earlier at the Royal Rumble, with help from Austin. Kurt tries to dump Hunter to no avail. Hunter is back in and just attacks the throat, choking Kurt Angle on the mat. Hunter charges but Kurt backdrops him...only to the apron! Kurt thinks he won but Hunter comes back, facebuster, and Kurt is clotheslined to the outside! Triple H wins!! Some great spots in this Rumble, and it almost always stayed interesting. What else can I ask for? ****1/2