1998 Royal Rumble

You know why the Rumble used to be so great? It turned upper mid-carders into main eventers; gave them that extra push to break through the glass ceiling. This was probably the first real Rumble to do so. The story going in is that Stone Cold beat the hell out of every Rumble participant leading up to the match. Austin, fresh off his feud with the Rock, literally put a bullseye on his chest. He was delivering Stunners left and right. Austin was in his peak and could literally do no wrong. Mike Tyson is in the box office, rooting for Stone Cold.

#1 is motherfuckin' Cactus Jack. He doesn't come alone as he brings a trash can with him. #2 is the perfect counterpoint for Cactus Jack...that crazy son of a bitch, Chainsaw Charlie, aka Terry Funk. They were tag team partners as of late, but their feud of Terry Funk and Mick Foley goes years back. Funk brings the chainsaw in the ring so FOley tosses some chairs in. Cactus knocks the chainsaw out of his hand with a chair and then we just get two guys beating the hell out of each other with steel chairs. Foley stalks Funk with a chair, so Funk pauses, and then BRACES for it. Of course, Funk gets NAILED with it. In fact, he liked it so much, he wants another. Cactus gives Funk the chair and asks HIM for a chair shot. Funk delivers a pair of chair shots and tries to eliminate Cactus. Great way to get the crowd into it. They stop fighting as #3, Tom Brandi, comes out. Brandi gets nothing but tossed over the top rope.

Funk tries to piledrive Cactus on a chair to no avail. Cactus sets chairs up next to each other and suplexes Funk through them. Cactus can't seem to get Funk out as the Rock comes out at #4. The Rock is the Intercontinental Champion at this point and CLEARLY poised for success. Cactus and Funk are both down due to beating the shit out of each other, so the Rock just picks away at them. Cactus and Funk mount a come back, and Cactus nails Rock with a trash can. They put the trash can over the Rock's head and tee off on him. CHAIR SHOT TO THE ROCK! Rock falls through the ropes. Funk turns on Foley with a low blow, but really, is that turning on him to begin with? #5 is Mosh, so Funk throws a chair at him on his way to the ring. Mosh attacks Funk as Cactus and Rock pre-cursor their fantastic feud. Funk barely hits a moonsault on Mosh. #6 is heel Phinneus Godwinn, complete with heel farmer music. I actually like their heel theme music, kind of psychotic. Godwinn and the Rock double team Mosh, but Funk decides to get in there and lay the chops on the Rock. #7 is 8-Ball of the DOA, as he goes right after the Rock. DOA, the Nation of Domination, and Los Boriquas had kind of a gang war thing. Cactus, meanwhile, is dumped by Terry Funk. Lawler claims that his sources tell him that someone in the back has gotten to Stone Cold, and he may not make it to the Rumble.

#8 is Blackjack Bradshaw, which is JBL with jet black hair and a bad ass mustache. Funk tries to eliminate the Rock but the Rock hangs tough. Godwinn joins the Rock in eliminating Funk but Funk just keeps twining his legs around the ropes, rather athletically. Or desperately. Whichever. #9 is the Blackheart, Owen Hart. Jeff Jarrett and Jim Cornette attack from behind. Jarrett is the NWA Heavyweight Champion at this point, in some strange Aztec Warrior gear. The participants hammer away at each other. #10 is Steve Blackman. Blackman was way ahead of his time; he'd be super over today. He tries to eliminate Funk, but Funk just keeps fucking hanging on! The Rock tries again but Funk grapevines his legs around teh ropes. #11 is D-Lo Brown, coming in as 2/5 of the Nation. D-Lo wasn't much of anything at this point, but a lackey for the Nation. The Rock and D-Lo come to blows to a pop from the crowd, but then they separate. The monstrous Kurrgan is #12, of the Truth Commission. At least, I think there was a Truth Commission at this point. Maybe not. Definitely not an Oddity yet, though. Kurrgan was a big guy, but in retrospect, there were much bigger, more intimidating guys to come through. Kurrgan tosses Mosh. Blackman tries a martial arts kick and it just whiffs, so Kurrgan kicks his ass and speaks a foreign language.

The timer seems to be fast today, as Marc Mero is your #13, accompanied to the ring by Sable. I'm fairly certain Mero was still face here but was showing tendencies of being a heel. Kurrgan eliminates Steve Blackman, and comes face to face with Bradshaw. The Rock tees off on D-Lo Brown in the corner, then apologies, and then continues kicking him. Love it. #14 is Ken Shamrock, who lost an Intercontinental Championship match with the Rock earlier in the night. Shamrock manages to take down Kurrgan, so everyone in the ring swarms to Kurrgan and eliminates him. Yep, Lawler confirms that the Truth Commission was still around. Shamrock was pretty over at this point, and he could have been a main eventer, had he stuck around with the company longer. The Rock knocks down Funk and drops a People's Elbow before it was ever flashy and a spectacle. #15 is Headbangerer Trasher. D-Lo is choking the Rock in the corner now, and talking smack at the same time. Godwinn and Bradshaw team up to stop Trasher, and are successful. The crowd loves Sable and chants her name at her. ou know, in case she ever forgets. Mero tries to show off the shuffling of his feet but gets clocked by 8-Ball. "What's Tyson, about 5'11" If I hit him with one of my uppercuts, he's been around 6'5"." Love you, Lawler.

#16 is MANKIND~!!! The son of a bitch is back!!! He goes right for Terry Funk, and manage to knock him out. Shamrock goes to town on the Rock. Not much else happens. #17, the Artist Formerly Known as Goldust comes down in red face paint, blue hair, an silver outfit, and a g-string over it. Mankind beats the hell out of him for it. Unfortunately for Foley, Goldust manages to eliminate Mankind. #18 is Double J, Jeff Jarrett, led to the ring by James E. Cornette. We still don't know Owen Hart's status...except that he's on his way to the ring! Hedives in and goes to town on Jarrett. Mero keeps following them, swirling his fist like an idiot. Crowd still pops big for Owen. It saddens me that Owen never got a face main event run, because man, he was over. I know he was a great heel and all, but I loved cheering for Owen. Jarrett tries tossing Owen, but Owen skins the cat to a huge pop and tosses Jarrett mid-strut. #19 is the Honky Tonk Man as Triple H on crutches, and Chyna, come to the ring. Meanwhile, the Rock tosses Ken Shamrock out of the ring. Owen flicks off Triple H and basically tells him to fuck off. Owen tries to eliminate Goldust, so Chyna goes to nail him with a crutch. Owen grabs it, so Triple H nails Owen with the other crutch, as Owen falls to the outside. A couple more shots and Triple H tells Owen to suck it. Sadly, Owen never really got his comeuppance on Hunter, but then in April, they reversed rolls anyway when Owen joined the Nation.

You see Owen run to the back and he slips and falls when he gets there. #20 is Ahmed Johnson. Phinneus Godwinn decides to go toe-to-toe with Ahmed, but it doesn't work out for him. Ahmed hammers at D-Lo, still hating on the Nation. A double feature shows that Rock hit Shamrock with a low blow to eliminate him. We're definitely down to minute intervals as #21 comes out. It's big Mark Henry, the newest member of the Nation. Henry was about a year and a half into his WWE career but didn't do anything until he joined the Nation. Henry goes right for Ahmed. Mero is just dancing around with no idea what to do. Mark Henry tosses powder in Ahmed's eyes, but can't eliminate him. #22 is...well, nobody. No music hits. JR thinks it might have been Austin, as Lawler guarantees it WAS Austin's turn. Mark Henry finally tosses Ahmed out. He also backdrops Phinneus to the outside, who takes out a referee. Ahmed is a poor sport and beats out Phinneus on the outside. The Nation implodes again as D-Lo attacks Henry. #23 is another Nation representative in Kama Mustafa, who shoves Ahmed on the way out. Ahmed pussies out and walks away. Nothing happens. #24 is...Austin's music hits! The entire ring STOPS and faces the entrance way...while Mero dances around. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin comes from behind! He beats the hell out of Mero and sends him out!

Everyone focues on Austin but Austin breaks free and tosses 8-Ball! Crowd, of course, pops big for Austin. Austin chokes D-Lo out with his jacket, as we see Tyson cheer on Austin. #25 is Henry Godwinn with awesome heel music. He goes after Austin, being on the receiving end of an Austin beat down recently. #22 turned out to be Skull, who didn't make it due to injury. #26 is, well Savio Vega, but all the Los Boriquas come in and attack Stone Cold! Austin ducks a spinning heel kick from Savio, who hits one of his teammates. The rest fall down and to the outside. Henry chokes Austin out in the corner, but TRASHER TO THE RESCUE! He holds Henry for Austin, so Austin walks away and stomps Goldust in the testicles. #27 is the last Nation member, its leader Faarooq. NOW, all 5 Nation members are in the ring, but they never put it together to work together...but Faarooq attacks the Rock! Then D-Lo! Then Kama! Austin fell through the ropes, and the Rock follows to toss Austin brutally into the steel steps. #28 is DUDE LOVE! "Mrs. Foley's baby boy is pulling a triple header!" He walks in and shoves Bradshaw over the top. Austin pulls Goldust outside the ring and throws Goldust into the steel steps. The Rock hits another people's elbow, this time on D-Lo Brown. Austin back in the ring and beats the hell out of the Rock!

#29 is Chainz of the DOA, as the ring is pretty damn full. Chainz goes in and tries to toss out Mark Henry immediately to no avail. They claim the Rock has been in there over 50 minutes, which is shenanigans. One man left as #30 is Vader, who gets a respectable pop from the crowd. Vader and Goldust, who has lost all his face paint, go at it. Vader stops to toss the Honky Tonk Man out. Austin backdrops Trasher out of the ring. Austin follows up by tossing Kama Mustafa. Austin stomps a mudhole and walks it dry in Henry Godwinn but Savio Vega attacks. He tries a piledriver but Austin says NUH UH! Austin ducks a spinning heel kick and throws Savio Vega out. Goldust clotheslines Vader out! Dude Love ducks a charge from Henry Godwinn and Godwinn sails out! Chainz tosses GOldust out! I don't understand why they feel the need to wait until the end to toss everyone out. Austin backdrops Chainz out! Awesome moment as Faarooq tries to toss Mark Henry, but he stays on the apron. We notice it's the Nation vs. Dude and Austin...so Faarooq punches Henry again and he falls to the floor.

Final four: Stone Cold, Dude Love, Faarooq, and the Rock. I have no idea when D-Lo went out. Austin and Dude take care of the Nation members, so Austin responds by attacking Dude! Mandible claw! Low blow! Faarooq clotheslines Dude out! Two heels on one face yet again. Faarooq tries to get Austin out. Rock stands up, says "fuck this" and grabs a breather. Then eh walks up from behind and eliminates Faarooq! ROCK AND AUSTIN! ROCK AND AUSTIN! ROCK AND AUSTIN! Austin tosses Rock out, but the Rock hangs on! Austin catches him with a STONE COLD STUNNER! He tosses the Rock! "STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!" Um, pretty bland Rumble. Like Hogan, in the early 90's, nothing really went on until Austin came out. They waited until the end to get all the dead weight out of the ring, so they lacked a lot of real, memorable eliminations. A couple fun spots, but overall, not one of their better Rumbles. **1/2