2004 Royal Rumble

This is, without question, my favorite Royal Rumble ever. JR and Tazz do their first commentary together for a Rumble match, and it really works and feels fresh. There are so many stories going on here. Goldberg and Brock get into a little verbal tiff backstage. Tazz mentions that Mick Foley promised to show up at the Rumble, but he is not here, so he forces JR to call Foley a coward. Foley's been having issues with Randy Orton, who spit in Foley's face and kicked him down a flight of stairs, among many other things. #1 is, determined by Paul Heyman, Chris Benoit. Heyman was not a fan of Benoit and made him and Cena beat the FBI in a 2-on-3 Handicapped Match to entire the Rumble, but made Benoit number 1. Meanwhile, Kurt Angle has promised, nay, guaranteed to win his first Royal Rumble match. Goldberg is #30, having won a match on Raw to earn that spot. #2 is the Intercontinental Champion, Randy Orton. Good pair of guys to start here. Orton's clearly a star in the making here. Benoit has the experience though. Collar-elbow tie up and Benoit kicks away at Orton in the corner. They go back and forth for a bit until Mark Henry comes in at #3. Henry goes after Benoit and headbutts him to the ground before choking out Orton in the corner. No friends here, we get heels vs. heels and faces vs. faces. Benoit fires off a couple chops and Orton attacks Henry from behind but Henry cannot be stopped.

Neither man can get Mark Henry to slow down, as Tajiri comes in at #4. Orton attacks Tajiri on his way in but Tajiri stings Orton with a few kicks, and a handspring elbow to Orton. Benoit goes for a suplex but Tajiri gets out to the waist. Benoit reverses the waist lock and snaps off a pair of German Suplexes. Henry tosses Orton but Orton bounces right back in, only hitting the apron. Orton attacks Henry from behind as Bradshaw is your fifth entrant. Clothesline from Hell to Orton, Henry, and Tajiri. Benoit gets a little offense, misses a charge in the corner, but CATCHES the Clothesline from Hell with a Crossface! Bradshaw picks Benoit up and tries to dump Benoit, but Benoit hangs onto the ropes and Bradshaw goes over the top. Good spot to put Benoit over as a guy who can be resourceful and stop one of the biggest men in the ring. #6 is the Man-Beast, Rhyno. Rhyno goes after Orton and Benoit, as Rhyno and Benoit are a former tandem in their own right. Tajiri hits the Tarantula on Mark Henry in the corner. Rhyno misses a Gore on Benoit and hits Mark Henry, and the blow knocks Tajiri out of the ring. Benoit charges off the ropes and knocks Mark Henry out of the ring! And Benoit throws out another big athlete. There was a mist from Tajiri to Mark Henry that the camera missed as well. #7 is Matt Hardy. Matt and Rhyno go at it as Matt hits the Side Effect on Rhyno. Benoit doesn't like Matt's bragging and tosses him out, but Matt hangs on. Rhyno and Matt square off, as Benoit and Orton are in the other corner.

#8 is Scott Steiner! Big Poppa Pump is still around at this point. We get suplexes for everyone! T-Bones, belly-to-bellies, but Benoit stops him with a pair of German suplexes! Great spot to show Benoit can kill momentum of another wrestler with his own types of maneuvers. #9 is big Matt Morgan, who is having much better success in life in TNA. Morgan goes after Benoit and hits a sit-out powerbomb. Matt attacks from behind but gets a big boot for his troubles. Morgan goes after Orton in the corner as I don't think Steiner has hit a single move in this match that wasn't a suplex. Amazing. Matt and Rhyno try to toss Steiner but Morgan runs over and attacks Matt. JR marks it as a rookie mistake, which I like. Morgan was just being intense and wanted to attack everyone standing, even if it wasn't the smartest thing to do. #10 is the Hurricane! Let's see if he can fare better this year. He climbs to the top right away and hits a crossbody on Matt Hardy. He goes after Matt Morgan and an eye poke seems to work. Unfortunately, he gets caught by Morgan, who launches the Hurricane to the outside. Hurricane looks like he hurt his leg there, but I believe he was okay. Morgan tries the same to Matt but Matt hangs on and rolls back inside. There's always something interesting going on here, which I love, and the entrants are very tight, leaving no room for dull and down periods.

#11 is Booker T, complete with strange remixed music. Awesome moment as he goes right for Scott Steiner, picking right up on their feud from WCW. It's a great touch as Booker really takes it to Steiner. The ring is getting crowded but there are a lot of top-caliber athletes in there, too. Orton eats a Scissor Kick from Booker T but Morgan stops Booker in his tracks. #12 is Kane, and I expect some people to go here. Steiner has been eliminated off-camera. Replay shows Booker T dumping Steiner. Poor timing; I don't understand why they do that. Chokeslam to Benoit. Morgan tries to powerbomb Kane but is back dropped. Chokeslam to Matt Morgan. Matt tries a Side Effect, but takes a sidewalk slam. The Gore is stopped with a big boot. RKO fails as Kane delivers a Chokeslam. Kane is cooking with gas here, especially since he buried his brother back in November. And sure enough, the lights go out for #13. The bell tolls twice and Kane is FREAKING OUT. Booker comes up from behind and dumps Kane!! And #13 winds up being Spike Dudley. Kane is PISSED so he Chokeslams Spike Dudley on the ramp. That, effectively, ends Spike's chances of winning...erm...entering the Royal Rumble. It gets quiet in the ring, so we get another entrant: Rikishi at #14. They're not keeping the ring TOO crowded, and Benoit backdrops Rhyno out! Rikishi knocks down everyone standing. It's nice that everyone coming into the ring looks strong. Stink face to Matt Morgan.

It quiets down again as not much goes on, but we get Rene Dupree at #15. And Dupree is only 20 years old at this point; holy fuck. Dupree nearly eats a Twist of Fate but puts Matt on the apron. AND HE DROPKICKS MATT OFF! I didn't expect that. FRENCH TICKLER! And Rikishi superkicks him right on out! Now, through pacing, we only have 5 guys in the ring and there are no big rapid-fire eliminations. And we get #16, whom is A-Train. I like when they play with the entrant times, as long as it keeps the match fresh and interesting. A-Train goes right after Rikishi. Benoit dumps Matt Morgan! Again, eliminating a larger opponent. Benoit, Booker and Rikishi try to dump A-Train to no avail. Orton is the one who manages to dump Rikishi! And Orton tosses Booker T, too! A-Train beats the hell out of Benoit in the corner with those clubbing blows (TM Jim Ross). Shelton Benjamin is your seventeenth entrant as Benoit dumps A-Train! Benjamin goes after Orton while Benoit struggles to get to his feet. Superkick misses from Benjamin and he tangles himself up in the ropes, so Orton dumps him! And we're left with numbers 1 and 2 being the only ones in the ring right now. Back suplex to Orton, but both men collide with each other head-first. #18 comes out right away, as Lamont comes out to introduce ERNEST, THE CAT, MILLER! Both men dance inside the ring. They dance, ala Rikishi and Too Cool in 2000. Unfortunately, Benoit and Orton are not amused. Benoit tosses Lamont's wig out, then Lamont, as Orton tosses Earnst the Cat Miller.

#19 is SERIOUS BUSINESS, as it's KURT FUCKING ANGLE! Angle knocks down Orton but Benoit manages to slow him down a bit. Benoit lights Angle's chest up with chops, but Angle takes the momentum and hits a vertical suplex. Angle tries to toss Benoit as Orton relaxes in the corner. Benoit hangs on though as Orton walks over to attack Angle from behind. #20 is Rico, accompanied to the ring by Jackie Gayda. Rico was a pretty good wrestler with good charisma who could have been a bigger star than he was. Rico and Orton trade blows while Angle tries to take out Benoit. Rico gets some good shots on Orton but Orton drops Rico with an RKO. Triple German Suplexes on Angle from bEnoit as Orton casually dumps Rico. Benoit goes up top, looking for a Diving Headbutt but Angle plays possum and shakes Benoit to fall on his testicles. #21 is Test...but there is no Test...Orton drops Angle with an RKO in the ring and is the only man standing right now. We go to the back locker room and Test is on the ground. Steve Austin is yelling at someone, assumingly the man who attacked Test. Austin makes the mystery man #21 to replace Test. And who could #21 be? Screeeech, CRASH. IT'S MICK FOLEY! ORTON HAS SHIT HIS TIGHTS! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS! Orton can't believe it!!! Foley and Orton BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER. Foley, fist and fire at Orton in the corner. BANG BANG! Foley runs off the ropes and delivers the infamous FOLEY CLOTHESLINE, sending both men to the outside! But Foley doesn't want to win the Rumble; he just wants to beat the hell out of Orton! I don't like that the announcers didn't pick up on that; really annoys me every time. Foley continues to attack Orton, slamming his face against the steel steps. Foley chokes Orton out with camera wire!

Christian comes out as #22, and he attacks Benoit. Foley is still beating Orton up ont he outside. Foley gets the steel steps, and hits an official! Orton takes advantage and NAILS Foley with a pair of BRUTAL chair shots! Orton just whips the back of Foley's head against the steel ramp. Orton lines up a chair shot but Foley goes low to gain the upperhand! And it's Mr. Socko! #23 is Nunzio, who eats Mr. Foley on the way out! FOLEY HAS LOST IT! Orton kicks Foley in the nuts as retribution and runs away. Nunzio takes a breather against the barricade. Angle hits a German Suplex on Christian, and one for Benoit! Nunzio cheers from the outside. #24 is the Big Show, and even though Benoit tossed a few big guys already, Big Show is the biggest man in this match; who can toss him out? Headbutt to Angle. Kick to the ribs of Benoit. Big chop to Christian. Big chop to Benoit. Headbutt to Christian. Angle gets a few licks on Big Show but Show hammers away at Angle. Big Show no sells Christian's attacks and chops him in the chest before tossing him across the ring. #25 comes out FAST, and it's Chris Jericho! Jericho and Christian were in a tag team together, but Jericho started (and did) turn face at this point; he just hadn't broken up with Christian yet. They team up to attack Angle but Big Show headbutts them both. BIG chop to Jericho. Christian hops on Big Show's back and everyone in the ring tries to toss out the Big Show, but the Big Show fights them all off.

#26 is Charlie Haas. He doesn't make an impact as Jericho and Christian suplex Haas. Christian turns on Jericho and tries to toss him out, but Jericho hangs on the apron. Jericho shoulders Christian in the gut through the ropes, and backdrops him out at the same time! #27 is Billy Gunn, who decides to return AGAIN in a Royal Rumble. Fame-Asser to Kurt Angle! There's one for Jericho! Billy Gunn is on fire as it saddens me that all these guys have to prove themselves and Billy just keeps coming back and not getting over. Nunzio is STILL on the outside. Jericho hits a nice belly-to-back suplex on Angle. German Suplex from Benoit to Jericho! There needs to be a drinking game; every time someone does a German Suplex on this show, take a drink. #28 is JOHN CENA! He's well on his way here to becoming the biggest star in the WWE. Cena takes a page out of the 1996 Royal Rumble and attacks Nunzio, before tossing him into the ring. Show attacks Cena upon entering, followed by a huge chop. Show delivers one to Nunzio for good measure. Cena fires away on Big Show! Cena just can't eliminate Big Show by himself, though. #29 is Rob Van Dam! Cena gets Angle up for the FU, and hits it! #30 is, of course, Goldberg, in his first and only Royal Rumble. He hops into the ring, SPEAR FOR BIG SHOW! SPEAR FOR BILLY GUNN! Everyone's getting punched and slammed by Goldberg! Nunzio hops in his back, so Goldberg walks over and shoves Charlie Haas over WITH Nunzio on his back! Nunzio gets slammed to the ground. SPEAR TO NUNZIO! That nearly sent him out of the ring. Goldberg clotheslines Billy Gunn out! Which is great, because really, how does he get so many late numbers in the Rumble? Goldberg gorilla press slams Nunzio to the outside. He calls for the Jackhammer on Goldberg, but it's Brock Lesnar! F-5 to Goldberg!! Goldberg is not happy and stares down Lesnar. "You're next, you son of a bitch!" Goldberg makes a rookie mistake and has his back to the ring as Angle runs from behind and dumps Goldberg!!

Final six: Big Show, John Cena, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam, and Chris Benoit. Cena and Angle try to dump Show, so Jericho joins in. Benoit and Van Dam stop fighting each other to join in, but it just IS NOT WORKING. Big Show shoves them all away and keeps knocking them down. Angle chop blocks the leg, and Lionsault from Jericho! FIVE. STAR. FROG. SPLASH TO BIG SHOW! Cena pumps up and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle! DIVING HEADBUTT FROM BENOIT! Angle organizes everyone in the ring, and calls for everyone to pick up Big Show and eliminate him. Big Show is dead weight though and they can't move him. Big Show explodes again! Big Show tosses John Cena, who looks like he hurt his knee too. But I believe he was okay. Van Dam hits the shoulders in the corner and tries a Monkey Flip, but Show shoves him to the outside! Big Show tosses Jericho, but Jericho skins the cat and stays in the ring! Dropkick to Big Show, which forces him to lean on the ropes! Jericho tries to toss Big Show but is backdropped onto the apron. Eye rake to Big Show, Jericho slides back in, dropkicks Big Show in the knee, bulldog from the second turnbuckle, and Jericho is going for the Walls of Jericho!! Big Show taps, but it doesn't matter! Angle attacks Jericho for being dump. Hey, it was HIS idea to team up against Show! Jericho tries to dump Angle as big Show drops Benoit. Big Show has Jericho by the throat, and Chokeslams Jericho straight to the outside!

Three men left. Benoit gets caught by the throat and Chokeslammed. Angle goes for a waist lock and tries a German Suplex on Big Show to no avail. But he DOES nail the Olympic Slam! Benoit fights Angle and gets the Olympic Slam as a result! AND NOW THE STRAPS ARE DOWN! Angle asks the crowd who they want him to go for. Big Show is the choice but Show catches Kurt by the throat. Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock!! Big Show screams and taps but it doesn't mean anything still. Big Show climbs the ropes, still in the Ankle Lock, and Big Show leans over the ropes and pulls Angle to the outside! Brilliant move but Angle is pissed! So now we have Chris Benoit, left with the unfortunate task of eliminating the Big Show; a feat that FIVE MEN couldn't do together. Big Show is on the apron so Benoit hits a diving headbutt, but instead of falling to the inside of the ring, he tumbles to the inside. Tazz says you have to "put your balls on the table" to win. Benoit runs off the ropes but gets caught around the throat, REVERSAL, Crippler Crossface! Big Show taps for a THIRD time, but it still doesn't matter! Big Show just stands up with Benoit on him and slams himself on top of Benoit. Both men are down, but Big Show is up first and he is pissed. The strap comes down! Show goes for the gorilla press slam on Benoit and walks to the ropes, but Benoit grabs Big Show by the head. Big Show tries to hammer Benoit off and puts him on the apron. But Benoit keeps...hanging...on...and slowly slides under the ropes, and BIG SHOW GOES OVER THE TOP! PULL BENOIT, PULL HARDER! BIG SHOW IS ALMOST...BIG SHOW IS OUT! BENOIT DOES IT! BENOIT WINS!

Here's the thing; this match will not be for everyone due to what happened to Chris Benoit. But if you can set that aside, this was, for my money, the PERFECT Royal Rumble. Benoit needed that push to get into the main event and they built this match up to make sure Benoit would get over. This match makes Benoit look like a main eventer, and that went a long way. It was such a great moment and the ending was a fantastic emotional roller coaster. *****