1994 Royal Rumble

This is the first Royal Rumble I have ever seen, and about a month and a half after I started watching wrestling. Yokozuna is the WWE Heavyweight Champion at this point, having vanquished Hulk Hogan from the WWF. Lex Luger had come up as a challenger, but fallen short, defeating Yokozuna by count out, so as not to gain the Championship at Summerslam. Meanwhile, Bret Hart had dropped the WWF Championship to Yokozuna at Wrestlemania. He won the King of the Ring and feuded with Jerry Lawler, who resented Bret calling himself King. Bret recruited his family to take on Jerry and his knights at Survivor Series. Bret and his brothers won, except for Owen who was elimianted. Owen took offense, but they patched things up and tried to dethrone the Quebeccers earlier in the night for the Tag Team Championships. Owen, not pleased at the turn of events, turns on his brother and "kicks his leg out from under his...leg."

#1 is Scott Steiner, pre-shaved head and bleach. Ted DiBiase is on commentary which should be fascinating since he has an in-ring perspective. Headshrinker Samu is #2, so not the most exciting starting line. It's now officially a minute and a half between entrants due to time constraints. Scott is still an impressive wrestler at this point. #3 is Rick Steiner, so Samu is pretty much fucked. Of course, the Steiner Brothers work away at Samu in the corner. Side belly-to-belly by Rick and Scott nails a snap suplex. The Steiners duck a clothesline from Samu who goes sailing...INTO the ropes, and in a disgusting spot, gets his head caught between the ropes. The Steiners free him and Samu falls to the outside.

#4 is KWANG~!, better known as a fat Savio Vega in a mask, who starts off by spraying a green mist into Rick's eyes. This distracts Scott, so Kwang keeps on the offense. Scott says "hell no" and nails an overhead belly-to-belly, having not lost his affinity for suplexes over the years. #5 is Owen Hart, to a huge chorus of boos. The crowd was not happy with Owen turning on Bret at ALL, but damned if it didn't kickstart Owen's career. Owen attempts to eliminate a blinded Rick Steiner, while Scotty works away at Kwang...and Owen successfully drops Rick out. #6 is Bart Gunn, as the entrants are really firing out now. Bart is one half of the Smoking Gunns, with his partner/"brother" Billy Gunn. Vince says we're going to the back locker rooms, as something has occurred...but we don't. Okay then. Everyone just tries to sluggishly eliminate each other as #7 is Diesel. Diesel had debuted in June of 1993 as Shawn Michaels' bodyguard. Diesel dumps Bart Gunn with ease. Scott Steiner goes next. Diesel tosses Owen Hart (to the crowds delight) and Kwang cannot fare any better, getting clotheslined out. Diesel just eliminated four guys, and #8 is Bob Backlund, who holds the longevity record, I believe, at this point. Boy, if these two knew about their epic Championship match in November...Backlund actually nearly gets Diesel out right away, but Diesel fires back and dumps Backlund. DiBiase states, "I've been in every Royal Rumble and I've never seen anybody dominate like this." Really puts Diesel over as the monster they're portraying him as.

Billy Gunn is #9, as he and his mullet look to dethrone Diesel. Billy starts with a head of steam, runs into a big boot, and is tossed out. Diesel stands tall as the crowd is riled up. NOW we hit the locker room, as a couple guys beat up Lex Luger in the back. If I could type their names, I would. Diesel is just ASKING for the next guy to come out, and Virgil is #10 as the unfortunate soul. DiBiase states, "I'm gonna enjoy this one, man." Apparently, Virgil is replacing Kamala. I have no idea what happened to Kamala. Virgil lasts longer than Billy Gunn, but not by much as he's unceremoniously dumped too. Diesel is kicking so much ass, he busted his lip open. #11 is THE MACHO MAN, RANDY SAVAGE! I think Diesel's reign as king is about to be stopped. Savage, in pink and black, gets on the offense quickly. Crowd still loves Savage, who is nearing the end of his WWE tenure, and has not appeared live on WWE programming since 1994. The whole thing of Diesel dominating and having one man come out to stop him is a great spot that has been repeated (successfully) over the years. #12 is Double J, Jeff Jarrett as Savage tries to toss out Diesel. Jarrett goes right for Savage. I just realized this is the first Rumble Vince is on commentary, too. Diesel hangs out in the corner and recuperates as Jarrett breaks down Savage. Jarrett tries for an elimination but Savage hangs on. Double J tries to pose, is kneed in the back by Savage, and TOSSED OUT by Savage to a huge pop. #13 is Crush. The story here is that Crush was Bonzai Dropped by Yokozuna and put in the hospital. He came back in purple, silver and black, attacking Randy Savage, stating Savage, his only friend, never visited him or cared about him.

Savage attacks right away to kill Crush's momentum. They met in a solid, Falls Count Anywhere (and then run back to the ring before the 10 count) match at Wrestlemania X. Savage goes after Diesel so Crush attacks from behind and capitalizes. Two-on-one as #14 is Doink, followed by Dink. In a deflating move, Crush tosses out Savage. This is interesting because Crush and Doink were in a feud last year, with Doink as a heel and Crush as a face. Diesel and Crush beat each other up while Doink stands in the corner and laughs. He then sprays both men with a water flower, stomps on Diesel's foot, and pokes Crush in the eye. Beautiful. But he can't bodyslam Diesel. Two-on-one as #15 is Bam Bam Bigalow followed by Luna Vachon. Crush and Diesel open the ropes for Bam Bam to come in and kill off Doink. These two were, as well, feuding, as Wrestlemania X featured Doink and Dink against Bam Bam and Luna. Bam Bam delivers a gorilla press slam to Doink to the outside, and Crush and Diesel try to eliminate Bam Bam from behind. This Rumble is great with continuing and featuring current feuds that carried over into Wrestlemania. Three heels in there as we're going to need a major face to come out. #16 is Mabel, who's not a MAJOR face, but he's a huge guy who gets a pretty good pop. Mabel is one-half of Men on a Mission, and is accompanied to the ring by Oscar. Actually, the crowd is going wild for Mabel, chanting out, "Whoomp, there it is!"

Mabel crushes Diesel in the corner with an avalanche splash, and ANOTHER one. Crush gets one too. Bam Bam gets to take one. Vince tries to sound hip and makes me cringe. #17 is SPARKY PLUGG, who is taking the place of the 1-2-3 Kid, who apparently had a bad knee. Vince speculates Sparky Plugg facing the WWF Champion at Wrestlemania as I laugh my ass off inside. Everyone congregates on one side of the ring and tries to eliminate each other. Vince speculates Lex and/or Bret making it to the Rumble, as Vince thinks Bret won't make it. #18 is Shaaaawn Michaels, having recently returned after being stripped of the Intercontinental Championship and suspended. Diesel makes his way towards Shawn and Shawn begs for friendship, as Diesel shakes his hand. Diesel gets attacked from behind from Bam Bam, Mabel, and Crush. They throw Diesel against the ropes, so Shawn gives the final push to eliminate Diesel. Edge and Randy Orton were right; Shawn DOES turn on everyone! I'm pretty sure I hear a "Diesel! Diesel!" chant from the crowd, foreshadowing things to come. #19 is Mo, the other half of Men on a Mission. Mo helps get Bam Bam and Crush away from Mabel. Shawn was almost eliminated and skins the cat to stay inside. Greg Valentine comes in as your 20th entrant. He's been in quite a few of these, and is one of the few old school guys in this New Generation Rumble. Makes him seem like a bit of an outcast here but they put over how dangerous he can be, and how well he's done in previous Rumbles.

#21 is Tatanka, who defeated Bam Bam Bigalow earlier in the night. He attacks his Wrestlemania 9 opponent, Shawn Michaels, presumably still upset over his count-out victory. Nothing really happens as #22 is the Great Kabuki, one of the men who attacked Lex Luger earlier. Apparently he, and his partner, were hired by Mr. Fuji, the manager of Yokozuna, to keep Lex Luger out of the Rumble. The entire Rumble (except for Mo) stops and tries to eliminate Mabel, and they do so successfully. Your 23rd entrant is LEX LUGER, who is sprinting to the ring. Crowd pops big for that. He pops Michaels and goes straight for Kabuki. Luger is just beating the hell out of anyone who comes near him and Kabuki. Luger sends Kabuki over the top with ease, and then steamrolls through Shawn Micaels. The ring is getting full; where's Diesel when you need him? #24 is Luger's other assailant, Genichiro Tenryu. He goes right after Luger. They point out how Tenryu is not there to win the Rumble, but rather just eliminate Luger. Though I'm sure he wouldn't MIND winning. I surely wouldn't. #25 is...well, nobody. Vince assumes it must have been Bret Hart's number. DiBiase just laughs. Some of these guys really need to go. #26 is Rick "The Model" Martel, still running through these Rumbles. This is his last Rumble, though, if I'm not mistaken. They reference Martel's past Rumble longevity reigns.

Tatanka and Lex Luger battle back and forth, foreshadowing their Summerslam 1994 match and feud. #27 is...BRET HART! He limps his way to the ring through a huge pop from the crowd. Who the fuck was #25? Apparently it was Bastion Booger, who was unable to compete. Tenryu sucks at his job as he goes after Bret, even though he was PAID to strictly eliminate Luger. I guess the idea of winning the Rumble overcame money for him? Who knows. #28 is Headshrinker Fatu. Luger tries to eliminate Crush...but he can't do it so Bam Bam, Sparky and Bret come over to assist, and there goes Crush. #29 is Marty Jannetty. He goes right after Shawn, as they hammer away at each other. Marty ducks Shawn's super kick and hits his own. Funny as Tenyru attacks Jannetty with a chop, who just ignores it to focus on his upcoming spot with Shawn. #30 isssss Adam Bomb, led to the ring by Harvey Wippleman. Bret and Shawn toss out Sparky Plugg. Sad, there goes Hardcore's chances of main eventing Wrestlemania. Okay, they can afford to pick up the pace now. Like, seriously. The Model dumps out Valentine to be the sole Rumble old schooler in the ring. Tatanka eliminates Martel. Luger ducks Adam Bomb's rush and Adam Bomb's momentum sends him over the top. Someone must have told them time's nearly up, hurry your shit up. Or that no one else is coming out. Bam Bam sends Tatanka over the top. Bam Bam misses a charge at Luger and sends himself to the apron, and a Luger punch knocks himself out. Marty Janetty is eliminated off-camera by Shawn Michaels. DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER BY TENYRU!!...on Shawn and Fatu, who is fine from it. 'Cause he's Samoan. Bret and Luger finally eliminate Tenyru.

Final four: Shawn Michaels, Fatu, Lex Luger, and Bret Hart. This could easily go to Bret or Lex, with Shawn having an outside chance. Tenyru doesn't understand the rules and tries to get back in. Luger squares off with Fatu as Bret and Shawn go at it. Shawn and Fatu bring Luger to the apron but he wakes up and fights his way back in. Luger hits Fatu with a clothesline, who does the 360 degree sell. Love that spot. Luger and Bret toss Shawn and Fatu into each other, Shawn jumps over Fatu, but Bret and Luger both back drop Fatu and Shawn over the top, respectively. Luger picks Bret up and tries to dump him, but they both go tumbling out. Luger is announced as a winner, but then Bret is, as the referees argue it. Multiple video replays shows a draw, giving us our first (and only) two winner Royal Rumble. Not a bad Rumble with a good final four and some memorable spots. ***