2001 Royal Rumble

Okay, NOW we're cooking with gas. Right off the bat, you could realistically have recently-turned heel Rikishi winning it, Kane, the Undertaker, the Rock, and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. There's also the question of if the Undertaker and Kane are working together. And of course, there's 25 other guys, but none of them can win.

#1 is Jeff Hardy. #2 is Bull Buchanan of the Right to Censor. They waste no time getting started here. 2 minute intervals this year. Jeff hits some high flying moves to get the crowd into it before he gets his head taken off. Bull tries to gorilla press slam Jeff Hardy out, but Jeff rakes the eyes. Bull really struggled with that one. #3 is Matt Hardy! He goes to work on Bull, as the Hardys hit Poetry on Motion before double clotheslining Bull outside. The brothers touch knuckles and then lock up. Crowd doesn't really want to see the Hardys wrestle each other, though, is the problem. But it is the first time they've faced each other, if I recall correctly. Jeff tries to dump Matt, but they pause during the countdown. #4 is Faarooq, who doesn't have much better luck than he did last year. I spoke too soon as Faarooq ran right through the Hardys with a clothesline. Poetry in Motion missteps, and Faarooq catches Jeff, nearly throwing him out. Faarooq tries a Dominator on Matt, but Matt escapes. Twist of Fate, and Jeff nails the Swanton. They toss Faarooq out with ease, and then Matt tries to throw Jeff out but Jeff hangs on. AND THE SHIRTS ARE OFF!!! Jeff wants to keep his, though, so he ties it around his waste. Now the Hardys mean business and are coming to stiff blows Whisper in the Wind to Matt and both men are down.

#5 is our celebrity entrant, Drew Carey. Drew entered the Rumble to impress Trish Stratus, and is here to promote his Improv Special. In the ring, the Hardys are still fighting. Jeff dropkicks Matt into the ropes (and by dropkicks, I mean misses but Matt sells it). Matt on the apron as Drew enters the ring. Both Hardys are on the apron now, as they head up top. Matt tries to suplex Jeff out, but Jeff drops Matt, and Jeff comes tumbling down. Matt held onto the shirt around Jeff's shirt. DAMN YOU, SHIRT! Drew acts as if he won the damn thing. #6 is....Kane. Drew is fucked. Drew wants help from the referees. He wants the Hardys back in the ring. Kane is in the best shape of his career. Kane stalks the ring and calls upon his hellfire and brimstone. Drew waves, tries to shake hands, and then tries to bribe Kane. Kane grabs Drew by the throat by Raven and his kendo stick are #7. Raven hits Kane with the kendo stick before he can be Chokeslammed. Drew waves goodbye and jumps over the top rope, tail firmly between his legs. Drew cheers on Raven before leaving. Raven gets a fire extinguisher from under the ring as Lawler gets in a ringer; "I bet Kane wishes he had one of those a few times in his life." Al Snow runs out and attacks Raven. The referees don't let Snow in, but the countdown goes off, and Snow dives into the ring, nailing Raven and Kane with a trash can lid. Snow grabs a bowling ball from under the ring, nails Kane in the gut with it, and rolls it right into Raven's nuts. I'm sorry, he THROWS it in there, but eats a boot from Kane. Raven and Snow tee off on Kane's head with dueling trash cans. Double drop toe hold right on the trash can.

#9 is Perry Saturn, Terri right beside him. Saturn attacks Kane on his way in. Everyone tries to get their licks in on Kane but Kane keeps battling them off. Raven hits a sleeper and they're trying to break Kane down, who takes forever to get off his feet. #10 is Steve Blackman, who has his kendo sticks in hand. Blackman takes care of everyone with his sticks but Kane, who kills Blackman's momentum. The weaponry is slowly diminishing from the ring, as Grandmaster Sexay comes in at #11. He grabs a trash can lid and goes to town on everyone in sight. Sexay has nunchuks and attacks Blackman. Kane, though, just WAILS AWAY on EVERYONE with a trash can. He hit Grandmaster Ssxay so hard, he went outside. He tosses Blackman out, but Blackman hangs on until Kane smacks him in the head with a trash can lid. Kane tosses Al Snow, sends Raven to the outside, and takes care of Perry Saturn. Kane is left standing as the buzzer hits. #12 is the Honky Tonk Man! Honky grabs the mic and decides to sing his theme music. He's not even playing guitar; he's a phoney! PHONEY! Kane's had enough and breaks the guitar over Honky's head. Crowd pops for that. Kane shakes his head, "no." And goodbye, Honky Tonk Man.

Timing is great here as we get #13, who is THE ROCK~! Crowd loves that. His nameplate gets "TheRock.com" added to it, lol. Thank goodness they quit that. Rock goes to work on Kane and tries to throw him out but Kane stops that. Big "Rocky" chant from the crowd. Kane works over the Rock until the Goodfather comes out at #14. The Rock is having none of this and slaps the Goodfather to the outside, but meets a right hand from Kane. The Rock mounts a comeback but gets sidewalk slammed. #15 is Tazz, who debuted a year earlier. Unfortunately, that was the peak of his in-ring WWE career. Kane grabs Tazz by the throat, sets him on the turnbuckle, and punches him out of the ring. Kane goes back to work on the Rock. The Rock tries to eliminate Kane but Kane won't let it happen. Samoan drop on Kane! Both men are down, as #16 is about to come out, and it's...Bradshaw! Rock and Bradshaw team up to take down Kane until Bradshaw clotheslines the Rock's head off. Rock hits the spinebuster on Bradshaw but Kane stops him from getting started on the People's Elbow.

#17 is Albert. Bradshaw and Kane team up to knock Albert off his feet until Kane takes down Bradshaw. #18 is Hardcore Holly. He goes to work on Bradshaw before getting knocked down by Kane. Blado Bomb on Bradshaw. Hardcore and Bradshaw try to eliminate the Rock to no avail. I like that no one is saving each other pointlessly in these rumbles. Pump kick by Albert to Kane's chest. #19 is R-Truth during his initial WWE run as K-Kwik. A lot of brawling but some big moves are being hit. The ring isn't quite filled with dead wood but it's getting there as #20 is Val Venis. He does nothing of note as we get a bit more brawling. #21 is William Regal. He drills K-Kwik with some European Uppercuts and knees to the face. Nothing noteworthy is happening as someone needs to come in and clear the ring. #22 is Test, and I have a feeling he's not the man to do it. He goes right after William Regal, and tosses Regal out, before working on his former teammate, Albert. #23 is the Big Show, making his return after a brief absence. And now we might clear the ring a bit. Goodbye Test. See you later K-Kwik. Chokeslam to Albert. Chokeslam to Bradshaw. Chokeslam to Val Venis. Chokeslam to Hardcore Holly. Chokeslam to Kane!! One helluva Chokeslam, too. Only the Rock remains. The Rock goes low to escape the Chokeslam, slaps to the Big Show, and one HUGE slap followed by a clothesline sends the Big Show out!

Big Show is not happy so he takes apart the announce table and pulls the Rock to the outside as Crash Holly enters at #24. Rock takes his Chokeslam, this time through the announcer's table. Everyone finally gets smart and gangs up on Kane. Of course, the Undertaker comes out at #25. This is the American Bad Ass, as he arrives via Motorcycle. He wastes no time getting in the ring as he SAVES Kane from everyone nearly eliminating the big man. Kane and Undertaker look at each other and decide it's time. Goodbye Bradshaw, Crash, Hardcore, Val Venis, and Albert! All in about 7 seconds. Kane and the Undertaker stare at each other, but aren't...going...at it. They walk right up to each other, face to face, but poor Scotty 2 Hotty is number #26. Scotty looks scared shitless. The Undertaker and Kane just WAIT for him. Scotty gets in, hammered by both men. Big boot by Undertaker. Body slam by Kane. And a double Chokeslam on Scotty. Heeeeee's dead. They both grab Scotty by the head and throw him out, as the Rock starts to stir on the outside. #27 is STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! The crowd is MOLTEN. I've been waiting to use that one again. ATTACKED FROM BEHIND BY TRIPLE H! Triple H is pissed that Austin cost him his WWF Championship. Triple H beats the hell out of Austin on the outside as the Rock gets back into the ring and fires away at Kane, before he gets stopped by the Undertaker.

Triple H has busted Austin open as the One Billy Gunn returns to the ring at #28. He punches the hell out of Kane and the Undertaker before he gets hit in the throat by Kane. The referees are still trying to pull Hunter off of Austin. Billy Gunn and the Rock continue to get beat up by the Brothers of Destruction as Austin is covered in blood. So you have the Rock and Austin, both going into the final stretch of the Rumble as underdogs. You have Kane and the Undertaker working together. And Rikishi won the chance to be #30 on Raw. #29 is the return of HAKU~! Big afro and all! Haku beats the hell out of the Undertaker but I don't quite think the crowd knows who Haku is. Chops and a headbutt to Kane. Haku ends up being no match for Kane and the Undertaker, but he sure as hell keeps fighting. A whole lot of no selling going on there. Crowd chants for Austin as Billy Gunn gets back in this thing to help fight off Kane. #30 is Rikishi. He's a bad man, you know, doing bad things. Bad looks, prince amongst thieves and crookes. Rikishi goes after Austin on the aisle but Austin is FIGHTING BACK! Austin beats the hell out of Rikishi. Austin takes Haku out! Down to 6. Rikishi superkicks the Undertaker out!! There goes that plan. The Rock fires away at his Samoan brethren, but Rikishi turns the tide. Bonzai drop, but the Rock is up and hits a low blow, and knocks Rikishi to the outside!!

Final four: Kane, Billy Gunn, Stone Cold, and the Rock. Billy Gunn nearly eats a Stunner but Austin eats a Fame-Asser instead. Gunn tries to toss Austin but Austin reverses the momentum and tosses Billy Gunn out! Down to 3. Kane's been in there over 40 minutes, Austin got destroyed by Triple H, and Rock went through a table; anybody's game. The Rock and Austin lock eyes as the crowd loves it, and Austin gets the advantage on Rock...but Rock fires away from the corner! Austin goes down! Rock is stalking Stone Cold...Rock Bottom, but Austin fights out, Stunner! Super flip sell by the Rock! Austin hits a Lou Thesz Press on Kane, but eats slaps from the Rock. Rock Bottom! Rock sends Kane through the ropes and we're left with the Rock and Stone Cold. Austin tries to eliminate the Rock! The Rock fights off, and tries to eliminate Austin! Kane, from behind, and he dumps the Rock!! Austin hangs on, but the Rock is GONE. Kane thinks he's won, but Austin fires away! Austin goes to clothesline Kane out but is caught by the throat; Chokeslam! Kane calls for the end, but Austin goes low. Kane goes to the outside and decides a chair is a good idea. Austin counters with a kick, and Kane drops the chair. Kane picks Austin up, Austin slips out from behind, Stone Cold Stunner! Austin crawls towards the chair. BIG chair shot to the head! Another one! A third one and Kane is against the ropes! Clothesline sends Kane out! Stone Cold is going to Wrestlemania! What a great, great Rumble. Only one small dead spot, and at least it led to a firing squad of eliminations. Also, Kane gives a legendary performance in the Rumble, going 53 minutes and 46 seconds, and setting the record for most eliminations in one match at 11. ****3/4