1993 Royal Rumble

Bobby "the Brain" Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon are thankfully on commentary again this year.

Number one is last years winner, Ric Flair. Heenan is confident that Flair can do it, considering he came in at number three last year. "What's another two spots?" This was a month before Ric Flair left the WWE. Bob Backlund is #2, making a comeback at 43. Backlund wants a handshake but Flair is too cool for that. Backlund keeps outsmarting Flair with every move. Flair resorts to a TRIPLE EYE RAKE to gain the advantage. Backlund is a crafty veteran and former WWF Heavyweight Champion in his own right and goes back on the offense. #3 is Papa Shango, making his Rumble debut. Shango goes to work on Backlund, trying to eliminate him, but Ric sneaks up from behind and dumps Papa Shango. Ted DiBiase continues his streak of getting shitty Rumble numbers, coming in at #4. DiBiase and IRS at this point are the WWF Tag Team Champions, marking the only WWF title (not counting the Million Dollar Title) DiBiase ever held. DiBiase and Flair work over Backlund on the ropes. They can't figure out a good way to toss him over as Nasty Boys Brian Knobbs is #5, attacking Flair and DiBiase. Knobbs is on FIRE and hits our first double noggin knocker of the match. Knobbs tosses Flair but Flair hangs on as Heenan nearly shits himself. Heenan isn't as crazy as he was last year since he doesn't manage Flair anymore, but...he still cares. Knobbs rubs his armpit in DiBiase's face. Yummy.

#6 is Virgil, who gets hammered by DiBiase right away, but firest back with an stomic drop. Crowd pops pretty big for Virgil. Unfortunately, his feud with DiBiase back in '91 was the peak of his career. The faces just dominate the heels here but Knobbs charges at DiBiase, and DiBiase ducks, sending Knobbs flying over the top rope. #7 is Jerry "The King" Lawler. Lawler and Flair go at it, marking the first heel vs. heel interaction. Flair says "fuck this" and ducks under the ropes to take a breather. #8 is the phenomenon known as MAX MOON! Max Moon, of course, is a futuristic cyborg Konnan, who he created himself. That was the only run Konnan ever would have in the WWF, finding success in WCW and AAA afterward. #9 is Japanese wrestler Genichiro Tenryu. Apparently, Flair and Backlund have been in there for 20 minutes, which is shenanigans because clearly, we're only at number 10, so that 2 minute intervals, it's only been 16 minutes. #10 is MR. PERFECT. The crowd goes APE SHIT for him and Perfect DESTROYS Ric Flair. This is the feud that would lead to Flair's "Loser Leaves Town" match against Mr. Perfect on Raw the following night. The crowd is all about Mr. Perfect here but he can't seem to eliminate Flair. #11 is Skinner. Skinner helps get Perfect off of Flair...buuut then decides to walk away. PERFECT CLOTHESLINES FLAIR OVER! I'm not sure why they didn't do that when Perfect came out but oh well. Crowd loves that. Virgil holds Lawler for Perfect but Perfect just walks away, not interested in Virgil's help. Heenan, meanwhile, is still speechless.

#12 is Koko B. Ware, looking like he came right out of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Koko looks goofy as hell here and is acting just as goofy. Heenan is still in denial. Perfect tosses Skinner out, but Skinner...SKINS...the cat to get back in! Perfect dropkicks him right back out anyway. #13 is Headshrinker Samu led to the ring by Afa. "Is he his manager, his trainer, his feeder?!" Heenan is just too awesome. Lawler hits a double noggin knocker on Backlund and Perfect. That move is so overused it's become a running gag for me. #14 is Berzerker as the ring is really filling up now. Perfect back drops Lawler out. DiBiase tosses Perfect onto the apron and DiBiase goes NUTS trying to kick him off. Lawler comes up and and helps pull Perfect out of the ring. So far, the only eliminations we're getting are relevant guys. Virgil has also been tossed out in the mayhem by the Berzerker. #15 is The Undertaker. "By the time he gets to the ring, it'll be time for Wrestlemania!" Samu goes for the Phenom. The Berzerker attacks Backlund on the outside with a chair for whatever reason as the Undertaker gets rid of Samu. The Undertaker tosses out Genichiro Tenryu.

#16 is Terry Taylor, finally shedding himself of the Red Rooster gimmick. Unfortunately, he almost seems to have shed himself of any crowd interest. Koko tries to toss Taylor out but DiBiase comes up from behind and eliminates them both. DiBiase turns around into a Chokeslam and then gets clotheslined out by the Undertaker. Berzerker goes to work on the Undertaker as the GIANT GONZALES walks to the ring, led by Harvey Wippleman. The Undertaker back drops the Berzerker out as Heenan proclaims that this guy in 20 or 30 feet tall. This would be the first big giant that Undertaker would have to face in his career, starting a long running tradition of a new, big guy showing up, attacking the Undertaker, only to ultimately lose the feud and all his momentum. #17 is Damien Demento, but Gonzales (who is not an entrant) chops the Undertaker to the outside. Undertaker and Gonzales get back in the ring as the Giant Gonzales becomes the first wrestler to just demolish the Undertaker. Demento, whose claim to fame is losing to the Undertaker in the first Monday Night Raw main event, circles the ring. #18 is IRS, led to the ring by Jimmy Hart. Gonzales is still systematically destroying the Undertaker. Backlund rolls back in as IRS and Demento stomp away at him. The ring is finally cleared on non-entrants. Unfortunately, all the interesting guys are gone, too.

Tatanka comes out at #19, who is still running an undefeated streak. The Undertaker is rung out against the turnpost as Bearer revives him with the Urn. The Undertaker stumbles away, finally selling for the first time as this character, as he limps away. #20 is Jerry Saggs as our Nasty Boys/Money Inc. feud continues. #21 is Typhoon as nothing interesting happens. Thankfully, Monsoon and Heenan are still gold on commentary. #22 is Headshrinker Fatu. He does absolutely nothing of note as #23 is Earthquake. So both Headshrinkers and both Natural Disasters are in the ring..and he goes right after his tag team partner. Ax and Smash, this is not. Especially considering how little the crowd cares. Earthquake dumps Typhoon as the crowd gives a little pop to that but dies right after. #24 is Carlos Colon, father is Carlito and Primo and uncle to Tito Colon. Damien Demento is nearly tossed out, but thankfully, he hangs on to keep his dreams of main eventing Wrestlemania against Bret "Hitman" Hart alive. Mmm nope, Colon back drops Demento out. #25 is "El Matidor" Tito Santana. Backlund eliminates Fatu. "Backlund's been in there so long, his shoes were up to his knees!" #26 is Rick Martel, who goes right after former tag team partner, Tito Santana, but Tito destroys Martel's head against the turnbuckle. Earthquake ducks an IRS charge, as IRS goes saaaailing to the outside. Martel and Santana always seem to find themselves in the Rumble at the same time, every year. Saggs and Earthquake have the most epic staredown that Earthquake and Saggs can have...which is not epic whatsoever. #27 is Yokozuna, led to the ring by Mr. Fuji. Yokozuna was only 27 years old here. Yokozuna tosses out Tatanka and Carlos Colon. Yokozuna and Earthquake face off as Heenan says, "it's like the two Sears Towers meeting." Ummm...swing and a miss. The crowd comes alive for this stare down. #28 is Owen Hart who the crowd doesn't pan to due to the epic showdown going on. Avalanche by Earthquake in the corner, but he misses a second attempt, and is belly-to-belly suplexed to the outside by Yokozuna.

#29 is THE REPO MAN! He goes after Yoko to no avail. Four guys now try to eliminate Yokozuna, now five, now all six are trying to tip Yokozuna out but he's just too damn big and he punches his way free. #30 is the "Macho Man" Randy Savage, as the crowd LOVES him. The colors on Savage are outrageous; it would look beautiful on HD. What a main event field we have here. Yokozuna tosses Tito Santana to the outside. Owen Hart has a miscommunication with Saggs and dropkicks him out. Martel tosses Owen out but Owen skins the cat back in. He gets LAUNCHED to the outside by Yokozuna, though, as the Repo Man follows suit. Final four: Rick Martel, Bob Backlund, Yokozuna, and Randy Savage. Backlund eliminates Martel to a good pop. Backlund fires a pair of dropkicks but is eliminated by Yokozuna, setting the longevity record at 61 minutes and 10 seconds. Yoko beats the hell out of Savage but Savage mounts a comeback. Savage to the outside, and nails a double axe handle. The crowd is alive for this, as we get another double axe handle. Yoko goes to one knee, which doesn't help because he has to toss the big man out. Yoko replies with a kick to the gut. Side belly-to-belly suplex. Big leg drop. Yoko's winded so he's moving extreeeemely slowly. Running butt splash to Savage in the corner. Savage avoids a second one as Yoko falls, and there's a FLYING ELBOW DROP! Savage goes for a pin....and Yoko kicks out, sending Savage to the outside. Yokozuna is the first heel to win the Royal Rumble.

So...the first half of the Rumble was pretty interesting and fun to watch. Anything with Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair was gold. As soon as the Undertaker/Giant Gonzales confrontation hit/ended, it was all downhill from there. We'll split the difference and call it **1/2.