2003 Royal Rumble

Helluva way to start the Rumble, as #1 is, for the second time in his career, Shawn Michaels. Shawn had just returned last summer after 4 year absence due to a broken back and a drug addiction. He started to wrestle full time again in November, and stayed full-time until his retirement in April of 010. Great way to start, as we have the question of whether Shawn can do it again this year. #2 is Chris Jericho, who has had his problems with Shawn as of late. Jericho appears at the top of the ramp...but it's actually Christian dressed as Jericho. Jericho sneaks in from behind and delivers a low blow right to Shawn. Shawn is easy pickings from here as Jericho punches Shawn right in the head. Jericho goes through the ropes and grabs a chair, and then BLASTS Shawn Michaels in the head. The draws color from Shawn. #3 is Christopher Nowinski, in his only Royal Rumble appearance. He sadly had to retire due to a concussion. He lets Jericho take care of Shawn, first. Jericho punches Shawn in the face a few times. Jericho decides enough is enough and throws Shawn out with ease. Crowd is not happy with Jericho. Nowinski still doesn't enter the ring, as Rey Mysterio comes out as #4. It's Mysterio's Rumble debut and he springboard dropkicks Jericho right off the bat. Mysterio wasn't broken down by injuries yet but gets a huge powerbomb from Jericho. Nowinski finally gets in the ring when Mysterio gets in control, and attacks Rey.

#5 is Edge! He and Mysterio are former WWE Tag Team Champions at this point as he clotheslines both heels, and then delivers a pair of spears. Mysterio, with a hurricanrana off the top to Jericho. Edge and Rey javelin Jericho into the turnpost. Mysterio and Edge now go at it. Edge misses a spear so Rey tries the 619. Edge escapes, and Mysterio tries to scissor Edge out, but both men hang on. REALLY fucking close to eliminating Edge. Edge catches Mysterio's West Coast Pop into a Powerbomb. Hot streak there from both men, as Edge neither, was broken down by injuries at this point. Both men had to rework their style of matches and adapt to the limitations of their body, but man, could they go here. #6 is Christian, who is former World Tag Team Champions with Jericho not long before this. He runs in and hugs Edge, which confuses the hell out of Edge as they feuded about a year and a half ago. Edge spears Christian nearly out of his boots. Mysterio jumps on Edge's shoulders and Nowinski pushes them both over the top. They both hang on, and Nowinski thinks he tossed them out. Both men go up top and go for a double missle dropkick. Mysterio hits and Edge lands RIGHT on Nowinski's face. Brutal. Edge tries to toss Christian out while Jericho chills on the outside, and Mysterio hits a bronco buster on Nowinski.

#7 is another Rumble debut, this time in the former of Chavo Guerrero, who is a WWE Tag Team Champion at this point with Eddie. Man, the Smackdown! 6 really lit the world on fire in 2002. Benoit, Angle, Eddie, Chavo, Rey, and Edge. West Coast Pop to Chavo, 619 to Christian. West Coast Pop caught by Nowinski, but Mysterio tosses Nowinski out. Jericho gets back in the ring and clotheslines Mysterio out with force. #8 is Tajiri in his Rumble debut. He kicks the hell out of Jerihco and Christian to start. #9 is Bill Demott, formerly known as Hugh Morrus, looking crazier than ever. Demott tries to toss Jericho but Jericho hangs on. Demott clubs away at everyone in his path. #10 is Tommy Dreamer, with a trash can full of goodies. The crowd likes that. Tommy has the kendo sticks and wails away at everyone. Decent "ECW" chant. Edge grabs the other kendo stick and Dreamer and Edge beat Demott until he goes over the top. Jericho and Christian deliver a con-chair-to with trash can lids to Dreamer. Doesn't hurt that much and looks gorgeous. They toss Dreamer with ease and the crowd boos that. So much for your hardcore portion of the Rumble. Tajiri with the springboard back elbow to Chavo and Christian but Jericho attacks. Tarantula to Jericho! Not the best move as Jericho turns around and shoves Tajiri out.

#11 is BLING BLING BUCHANAN!! B-SQUARED! I have no idea if he's heel or face here. I don't remember what Cena is at this point. Cena's still heel. Bling Bling doesn't matter because Edge tosses him out quickly. I like when the guys you know don't have a chane in hell of winning go out quickly. Edge tosses Chavo but Chavo lands on the apron, so Edge spears him off. Edge tosses Jericho, but Jericho hangs on. Edge and Christian try to toss each other but Jericho skins the cat and dumps both men at the same time. Jericho has a big, bloody knot on his head from the kendo stick, as Jericho is the only man in the ring. #12 is Rob Van Dam. Great reaction for Van Dam who kicks Jericho in the face. Van Dam hits all his fancy kicks and signature moves pretty fast, including the Rolling Thunder. Jericho rakes the eyes a couple times to slow Van Dam down. Van Dam sling shots Jericho out, but Jericho hangs on AGAIN. #13 is Matt Hardy, VERSION 1! This was a great gimmick for Matt, and probably the highlight of his singles career. I'd say it may have been when he returned to a huge pop and feuded with Edge, but he was more or less buried in that feud. Jericho and Matt team up to take down Van Dam. Van Dam fights the odds but Jericho connects with a bulldog. Misses the lionsault and eats a spinning heel kick. Van Dam up top...FIVE. STAR. FROG. SPLASH to Jericho. And then Matt picks Van Dam up and tries to toss him, but Van Dam jumps right back in.

#14 is EDDIE GUERRERO~! I miss Eddie Guerrero. He is the other half of the WWE Tag Team Champions. Eddie's still a heel at this point, but the crowd was starting to turn Eddie face, as Eddie and Chavo were just too damn entertaining. Van Dam and Eddie revisit their great feud from 2002 and batter each other. Matt body slams Van Dam and Eddie hits his Frog Splash on Van Dam's FACE. Shit. Matt then turns on Eddie and hits a Twist of Fate. Matt stands tall, as #15 is, of course, young Jeffery Hardy. Matt wants to team up and take on everyone. Jeff says "fuck that" and attacks Matt. Flying elbow, jawbreaker, double legdrop to the nuts, and Jeff tries to toss Matt. Great spot as Shannon Moore lies down with his legs up against Matt's back to keep him from falling out. Twist of Fate to Matt Hardy. Shannon Moore gets in to stop the Swanton. He lies on Matt to sacrifice himself, so Jeff Swanton Bombs them both. Eddge stalks and dropkicks Jeff to retaliate. #16 is Rosie of 3 Minute Warning. Nothing important happens as Test comes in at #17. He's...well, I think face at this point as his fans are his Testicles. And he's led to the ring by Stacy Keibler, who is looking gorgeous. Yep, he's face as he plows through Jericho, Rosey, and Eddie. Matt Hardy eats a Pump Handle Slam. Test tries to toss Jericho but Jericho hangs on AGAIN. You just cannot throw this motherfucker out!

#18 is John Cena, when he still used to do some awesome freestyle raps. Seriously, he was great. I know the character had to evolve, but I'd love for him to bust one more freestyle out. "My style's like a swollen penis; you can't beat me!" Van Dam goes outside and tosses Cena in, who gets beaten by Jericho. Jericho clearly did not forget Cena beating him in Cena's PPV debut last year. That took about a minute and a half as Charlie Haas comes out at #19. He is part of Team Angle at this point, tagging with Shelton Benjamin under the tutelage of, of course, Kurt Angle. Cena's not even wearing jeans shorts here; just jeans. So strange. Jeff Hardy is up at the top but Van Dam shoves him to the outside. Eddie walks up the turnbuckles and hurricanrana's Jericho. #20 is Rikishi. Apparently, this is Rikishi's 8th Royal Rumble, more than anyone else in WWE history. Kane ended up breaking that record. JR mistakenly says he eliminated 7 men in 2000, more than anyone else in WWE history. Of course, Kane broke that a year later with 11 in 2001. Rosey shoves Shannon Moore into Matt hardy and Rikishi crushes them with a running butt splash as the Samoans work together. Rikishi turns for the stink face on Mattitude and his follower, but Rosey clotheslines him so Rikishi can do the 360 degree sell. Van Dam takes advantage and dropkicks Matt and Shannon in the face. #21 is Jamal of 3 Minute Warning, who later became Umaga. Rikishi gets a stink face on Jamal. It doesn't stick as 3 Minute Warning beats up Rikishi.

#22 is the Big Red Machine, Kane. Now JR says that Kane eliminated more than anyone else in Royal Rumble history with 11. Way to go JR. Kane is just cooking with gas as this place is clogged up. Rosey runs over Kane but Kane sits up and backdrops Rosey out. Matt and Shannon both eat a simultaneous Chokeslam. Kane tosses Jericho but Jericho STILL JUST BARELY HANGS ON. Seriously, he's selling these near eliminations BEAUTIFULLY. #23 is Team Angle's Shelton Benjamin. Not much goes on as we need someone to clean house. #24 is Booker T, who is probably not the man to do that. "He's a former 5-time WCW Champion." No, JR, he's still a 5-time WCW Champion, just not the current one. Scissor Kick to Kane but Matt stops a Spinarooni. Flapjack to Matt as Booker is ALL ABOUT THE SPINAROONI! He really spun on that one. Booker backdrops Eddie out. I forget they can't job Booker out quickly here as he fought for the World Championship against Triple H at Wrestlemania 19. #25 is A-Train, as he seems to have a new gimmick every Rumble. He gives an A-Train Bomb to Cena and a backbreaker to Benjamin. He's truly intimidating here. A-Train Bomb (ugh) to Van Dam, but Rikishi takes him off his feet. Rikishi tosses Jericho but Jericho stays on the apron, raking the eyes to get in the ring. AND HERE COMES SHAWN MICHAELS! Shawn goes right for Jericho! Matt goes down! Cena goes down! Jericho clotheslines Michaels! BUT TEST TOSSES JERICHO OUT! SHAWN WITH A CROSSBODY TO THE OUTSIDE!

#26 is Maven of Tough Enough fame. Seriously, someone NEEDS to clear the ring. It's way too cluttered. A-Train splashes down on Charlie Haas. #27 is Godlust, who, I believe is still a tag team with Booker T at this point. Shattered Dreams to Maven. Haas and Benjamin team up to eliminate Goldust, as Haas clotheslines him out while Benjamin distracted Goldust on the apron. Booker attacks Haas as a result. Team Angle manages to dump Booker T, though. #28 is DAAAAVE BATIIIIISTAAAAA. Batista still had his awesome lyricless music at this point, but was VERY green. He plows through Cena. Green he may be, he still looks intimidating as hell. Cena and Van Dam take the worst of Batista's beatings. Test stops him with a Full Nelson Slam, though. Test tries tossing Batista but Batista hangs onto the ropes. Test charges with a boot but Batista holds the ropes down and Test goes to the outside. Batista clotheslines Rikishi out. #29 is Brock Lesnar, as they just get bigger and bigger. Brock beat Big Show earlier to earn this spot in the Rumble. Brock starts a path of destruction but Team Angle slows him down. Lesnar responds by tossing both men out. Lesnar follows that up by F-5ing Matt to the outside, onto Team Angle. A-Train plows him with a pump kick and yells, "son of a bitch!!" #30 is, much to the joy of the crowd, the Undertaker, returning to competition. No idea how long he was out for but he's a face again. Undertaker clotheslines Cena out. Rosey eats a clothesline, too. Maven tries to dropkick the Undertaker from behind! He thinks he got it and jumps for joy, but 'Taker didn't go out, and chokeslams Maven to hell. Then, he tosses Maven out. A-Train Bomb to the Undertaker. Kane delivers a chokeslam to Brock Lesnar. Kane and Van Dam are tag partners at this point and team up to knock Batista down. Van Dam saves Kane from an A-Train powerbomb, and then they both clothesline A-Train out. Kane is going to gorilla press slam Van Dam onto Batista, but Kane changes his mind and tosses Van Dam to the outside onto A-Train instead. Big crowd heat to that and Lawner laughs at it.

Final four: Kane, Batista, the Undertaker, and Brock Lesnar. Batista and Kane clothesline each other as Brock and 'Taker stand alone. Before they can go at it, Kane attacks Lesnar and Batista attacks 'Taker. Batista spinebustes the Undertaker as Batista and Kane double team Lesnar in the corner, but Lesnar fights out. BIG overhead belly-to-belly suplex to Batista from Lesnar. F-5 to Kane! Holy fuck, Lesnar is strong. Now we're back to the Undertaker and Lesnar. F-5, but Undertaker escapes. Tombstone Piledriver, and it connects!! Undertaker clotheslines Batista out. Hey, look, a change of pace: three face superstars! The Undertaker helps Kane up, but then grabs him by the back of the head and tosses him out. Batista in with a chair but eats a boot, and then eats his own chair shot. Lesnar sneaks up from behind and dumps the Undertaker! Great start, good middle, decent ending, but there was a lot of plodding between the middle and the very end. Still, a good Rumble. But the best is yet to come...***1/2