So I only have time to watch one more Royal Rumble. I don't feel like watching 2008, and I can't find my 2009 (which I wouldn't choose anyway) so I will go with the most recent one, 2010. This is also the only Rumble match I have ever had the fortune of seeing live, and thankfully, I loved it.
Probably the biggest storyline is Shawn Michaels wanting to win the Royal Rumble, so he can go to Wrestlemania to face the Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship. He wants to avenge his loss at the previous year's Wrestlemania, and has become obsessed with trying to face and defeat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. This is virtually his last chance to do so. Backstage, Kane tells Shawn that this obsession won't end well. Triple H comes in (having reformed D-Generation X with Shawn) and Triple H says Shawn will have to find another way to face the Undertaker. Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are on commentary.
#1 is Dolph Ziggler, who has come a long way since the Spirit Squad. In fact, he's fighting for the World Heavyweight Championship at THIS year's Rumble. #2 is Evan Bourne, perhaps in a parallel in Mysterio being #2 in 2006. Striker thankfully points out that #2 starts at the same time as #1. Cole says #1 is a few seconds longer but they're in there at the same exact time when the bell rings. Both men look at the big Wrestlemania sign to put over the importance. Bourne starts off with some kicks and a hurricanrana for Ziggler. Ziggler comes back and nearly dropkicks Bourne out but Bourne fights it. Bourne brings the high flying maneuvers to get the crowd into it early. Bourne tries to hurricanrana Dolph out to no avail. Dolph responds with the Zig Zag. Bourne stays on the apron and kicks Dolph in the head, and responds with Air Bourne. So both men got to show off, and now...
#3 is CM Punk, joined by Serena of the Straight Edge Society. This is one of my favorite Rumble moments ever. Punk tosses Bourne into Dolph, tosses Bourne out, and clotheslines Dolph out. Punk tells Serena to get the mic, and Punk...CUTS A FUCKING PROMO. "Let me thank you all for joining me tonight in what will be the most historic moment my Straight Edge Society has ever seen. These are just the first of 29 other men that will be thrown over the top rope, or if they have the courage that the WWE Universe lacks, they can be saved! And unfortunately, not everybody can win the Royal Rumble. Excuse me...it's clobberin' time." Brilliant. #4 is JTG. JTG gets a few good shots in on CM Punk, mounts him on the 2nd turnbuckle, but Punk tosses him out. PROMO TIME AGAIN! "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...not everybody can win the Royal Rumble match. Just like not everyone can be saved. There are people here tonight that cannot, that will not ever have the reserve and dedication in their heart to follow in my footsteps. Tonight, I become the first ever Straight Edge Royal Rumble match winner."
#5 is THE GREAT KHALI. "Great Khali! Great Khali, Great Khali, I can save you! Great Khali, I can make you...I can make you greater! I can see the pain in your eyes; you need to be saved! Please, Great Khali, raise your right hand! Do you accept Straight Edge into your life?" Khali responds with a chop right to Punk's head. Head vice! #6 is the second woman to ever enter the Royal Rumble, Beth Phoenix! She has a stare down with Khali. Khali picks her up and puts her on the apron, telling her to leave. Beth grabs him by the head and kisses him...over the top rope! Beth Phoenix just eliminated the Great Khali. She clotheslines Punk's head off! Big pop for all of this. She tries to eliminate Punk but Punk hangs on and drops Beth Phoenix with a Go 2 Sleep. Beth Phoenix is tossed over the top as Zack Ryder comes out at #7. Punk has the mic, "You! You! You have potential, you have potential! How would you like to be a member of the Straight Edge..." and Punk nails Ryder with the microphone. Big "CM Punk" chant in the arena. And rightfully so. And there goes Zack Ryder. Punk has a busted mouth too as he TAKES THE MIC AGAIN! "Watch me rise! Who's it gonna be? Who's next? Whoever it is...I am better than them! I am better than each and every single one of you today!"
Unfortunately for Punk, #8 is Triple H. CM Punk loses the smirk off his face. Punk and Triple H stare down as the crowd is totally into it. Triple H blocks a punch and knocks Punk down. Facebuster for Punk. Punk hits the knee to Triple H but can't get the bulldog, but he DOES get a spinebuster. #9 is the Intercontinental Champion, Drew McIntyre (pre-amazing theme music). Triple H wants McIntyre so he greets him with a high knee to the face. Pedigree tries but Punk grabs Triple H and goes for the GTS. Triple H grabs the leg and TOSSES CM Punk out. Punk is out way too early here. McIntyre takes advantage of Triple H inside the ring. #10 is Ted DiBiase, back when people thought he had a main event future. He gets dropped by Triple H right away, but counters with a powerslam. McIntyre and DiBiase double team Triple H. #11 is John Morrison, who was feuding with McIntyre at this point. He starts off attacking DiBiase before taking down McIntyre and punching away at his face. Morrison spins out of a backbreaker into a DDT. Impressive. He sets McIntyre up for the Starship Pain but DiBiase attacks. Morrison drops DiBiase with a kick to the head and goes back for Starship Pain, and connects. Triple H attacks Morrison from behind. #12 is Kane. Kane goes up top right away and hits Triple H with a flying clothesline. DiBiase eats a clothesline in the corner and a sidewalk slam. McIntyre and Morrison both eat a simultaneous Chokeslam. Triple H runs into a boot. Kane catches DiBiase coming off the top with a shot to the throat. Kane tries to dump DiBiase but Teddy hangs onto the ropes. Triple H attacks Kane to stop it but gets GOOZLED! Chokeslam to Hunter!
#13 is Cody Rhodes of Legacy. He saves DiBiase from elimination via Kane. Big Russian Leg Sweep to Hunter. Clothesline to McIntyre. Morrison and Cody go back and forth here and Morrison hits a springboard from the apron, but is dropkicked in mid-air. Nice. #14 is MVP, who lost earlier in the night to Miz, but beat him up after. And sure enough, Miz comes out and clocks MVP with his United States Championship. MVP doesn't make it to the ring. Legacy tries to dump Legacy as Kane works over everyone in the ring again. #15 is Carlito. Carlito hits a springboard back elbow on Legacy. Monkey flip to Morrison who lands FACE first. Picture that. I honestly cannot remember if Carlito is face or heel here. Backstabber to Triple H. One for McIntyre. One for DiBiase. #16 is the United States Champion, the Miz. Right away, Skull Crushing Finale to Carlito. And MVP is back! MVP hammers away at the Miz and clotheslines Miz and himself over the top! They brawl on the outside. #17 is Matt Hardy, who is apparently, "the heart and soul of Smackdown!" Poor Smackdown! As usual, he hits his signature moves on some random people. He goes up top but Kane shoves him to the outside, but Triple H dumps Kane!! Glad they're not letting the ring clog up too much. Spinebusters for Cody, Carlito, DiBiase, and Morrison. Triple H stands tall in the ring. Pedigree for Cody Rhodes, but McIntyre chop blocks the leg.
The four heels in the ring gang up on Triple H, so of course, #18 is SHAWN MICHAELS!! He quickly backdrops Carlito out of the ring. Atomic drop to Cody, and DiBiase, as well as a chop for both. Shawn tosses Cody! There goes DiBiase! Shawn Michaels is on FIRE. Flying forearm to McIntyre, kip up! He ducks Morrison's flying chuck and tosses Morrison over the top. He's stopped by a clothesline from McIntyre. Shawn knees McIntyre in the face and he and Triple H clothesline McIntyre OUT. We are down to Shawn and Hunter. They stop and realize they're left alone in the ring. Double five knuckle shuffle! So...ten knuckle shuffle. FU to Shawn over the top, but Shawn hangs onto the ropes to stop that idea. Pedigree for Cena. AND SHAWN SUPERKICKS TRIPLE H OUT! HOLY SHIT. #20 is Shelton Benjamin, and really Benjy, why bother. Dragon whip for Cena. German suplex to Cena. Beny stalks Shawn and hits the Pay Dirt. What a horrible name for a move. Pay Dirt for Cena, but Cena catches him and tosses Benjy over the top. #21 is Yoshi Tatsu. Spinning heel kick to Shawn and kicks to Cena. Double knees to Shawn and kicks him in the chest. Cena ducks a kick and lifts Tatsu out. Shawn and Cena go back and forth and Cena gets the advantage as the Big Show comes out at #22. Cena looks like someone just pointed a gun at him. Headbutts for both men. Show tries to dump Shawn, but Shawn hangs on and grabs Show's neck ala Benoit in '04 Cena comes from behind and tries to dump Big Show but Show hangs on. He carries Shawn back in the ring onto Cena's shoulders. FU attempt, but Shawn gets out. Cena tries to backdrop Shawn out but Shawn hangs on and skins the cat...right into Big Show's arms, who drops Shawn in the ring.
#23 is Mark Henry. Stare down between the two big men as Henry tries to body slam Big Show to no avail. Cena attacks and shoulderblocks Big Show. Headbutt from Henry. Another shoulderblock to Show and Mark Henry BODY SLAMS Big Show. But Cena ups that and picks Henry up for the FU! He falls through and Henry falls onto Cena. #24 is Chris Masters. Gorilla press slam to Shawn! Masterlock to...well, Big Show, which obviously doesn't work, so Big Show flips Masters out of the ring. Mark Henry tries to dump Big Show. Shawn comes up from behind and tries to help as R-Truth enters at #25. Henry shoves Shawn away and goes back to trying to eliminate Show. R-Truth comes up from behind and dumps both Mark Henry AND Big Show at once. Wow. Lie Detector to Cena. Shawn hits a few chops but gets hip tossed by Truth. #26 is Jack Swagger. Vader Bomb to Cena, Vader Bomb to Cena, vertical suplex to Cena, vertical suplex to Shawn. Oklahoma Slam to R-Truth. Swagger tries to clothesline Shawn out but Shawn hangs on with one arm and goes back in the ring under the bottom rope. #27 is Kofi Kingston. Right away, we get Cole's "Controlled Frenzy" line, which is absolutely retarded and I hate it. Kofi beats up everyone in the ring and hits the Boom Boom Leg Drop on Swagger. Swagger tries to dump Kofi but Kofi leg scissors Swagger around the waist and eliminates Swagger! Big dropkick from Kofi to Shawn. Kofi eliminates R-Truth.
#28 is Chris Jericho, who beats everyone up, but gets FU'd by Cena. DDT by Shawn to Cena. Flying elbow drop from Shawn to Jericho! Shawn tunes up the band for Jericho, but Kofi intercepts with Trouble in Paradise! Cena picks up Kofi and hits an FU to the outside. Codebreaker to Cena as Jericho is the only man standing. And #29 is THE RETURN OF EDGE! Jericho, understandably, shits himself. The crowd goes NUTS. Spear to Jericho! Spear to Shawn! Spear to Cena! Edge TOSSES Jericho out! Edge-O-Matic to Shawn! Cena picks Edge up for the FU but Edge escapes and hits the Edgecution DDT. #30 is Batista, so our final four is Batista, Edge, John Cena, and Shawn Michaels, any of whom can win right now. Spinebuster to Edge, clotheslines to Cena and Shawn. Batista just beats up everyone and goes all Ultimate Warrior with the ropes. SPEAR TO BATISTA! FU TO EDGE! Flying forearm to Cena, kip up by Shawn, atomic drop, chop, atomic drop to Batista, chop, body slam to Cena, body slam to Batista, and Shawn goes up top! Flying elbow drop to Cena! Enziguri to Batista! Flying elbow drop to Batista!
Shawn is tuning up the band now...Cena in his sights...Sweet Chin Music to Cena! Sweet Chin Music to Batista! Edge clotheslines them both out, but they both land on the apron. Sweet Chin Music to Edge who falls into the ring, but Batista runs over and knocks Shawn off the apron! The crowd is deflated from that one. How will Shawn EVER find a way to face the Undertaker? He'd have to put his career on the line or something to get 'Taker to agree to a match now. Shawn cannot believe it and looks like he might cry. Shawn tosses an official down and dives in the ring. Charles Robinson tries to stop him but Shawn gives him an EPIC Sweet Chin Music. Shawn has a breakdown and finally leaves. Batista is the first man up in the ring and stalks Cena. Batista Bomb to Cena, but Cena backdrops out of it! FU to Batista, but Batista fights out. Batista charges but Cena pulls the ropes down and Batista is out! Edge stalks Cena and sets up for the spear! Cena stops it with a kick to the chest, charges, but Edge tosses Cena out! Edge wins the 2010 Royal Rumble! I love the liberties they took with this one. It felt so different than any other Rumble and there was no set time intervals, and it worked. They never let the ring clog up at all. ****1/2
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
2007 Royal Rumble
This is billed as "the most star studded Royal Rumble ever." Shawn Michaels wants to main event Wrestlemania again, but so does Chris Benoit. Edge wants in, too. Great Khali is destruction. Kane killed MVP to get here. King Booker wants to stay king. The Undertaker beat the shit out of everyone to make a statement. The ECW Extremists are also in this one. Lillian and the Fink always gave such long-winded explanations for the rules. Just once, someone should come out and say, "if you're thrown over the top and you're feet hit the floor, you're out. 30 people in, 29 people out. LET'S GO!"
#1 is Ric Flair. It's been a long way since the '92 Rumble, eh, Flair? JBL questions whether Flair can be the 60 minute man again. #2 is Finlay, as we get the two old school veterans to start. Not a bad way to kick things off. 90 second intervals this year. Finlay beast Flair in the corner with some stiff looking shots, but Flair retaliates with chops. Finlay tries to toss Flair but an eye rake stops that. Kenny Dykstra is #3. Dykstra, from the Spirit Squad on his own now, has had a mini-feud with Flair, and, according to Lawler, has three victories over Flair at this point. Flair kicks his ass with chops. Finlay attacks from behind and Kenny joins in until Finlay tries to dump Dykstra. Flair tries to come up from behind and dump Finlay to no avail. Stiff chop for Dykstra. They're like gunshots! Matt Hardy is your third entrant, going to work on Kenny. Side-Effect to Dykstra. Great moment as the camera is focused on Matt trying to dump Finlay, but you can still HEAR the chops Flair is delivering to Kenny. #5 is EDGE. He's 1/2 of the World Tag Team Champions with Randy Orton. Spear for Flair, spear for Finlay, but Matt moves, and hits the Twist of Fate on Edge! Cole brings up Edge making Matt leave Raw. JBL says, "forced him to leave his girlfriend." Flair goes outside for a pair of chairs, hoping for a con-chair-to to Edge but Dykstra stops him. Edge and Dykstra toss Flair. Dykstra goes to strut, so Edge tosses him, too.
#6 is Tommy Dreamer, who goes to work on Edge. No love lost there as Edge gets in the tree of woe and dropkicked. Dreamer, Beulah and Terry Funk lost to Edge, Lita and Mick Foley about 7 months earlier in a great, hardcore match. #7 is SABU. Sabu sets up a table on the outside. Cole quotes that Sabu has made a career out of it. Out of setting up tables? I could have sworn he was a wrestler. He goes right for Dreamer, bounces off the ropes, goes for a DDT and just kind of falls forward. Unless that's what he meant. I've never understood how Sabu was genocidal. #8 is the Cruiserweight Champion, Gregory Helms (complete with music that states, "GREGORY HELMS.") He won it a year ago at the Rumble and hasn't lost it yet. He goes for Matt as they're engaged in a mini-feud that really went nowhere. Finlay tries to toss Sabu to the outside and through the table but Sabu hangs onto the ropes. #9 is Shelton Benjamin, as he and Charlie Haas are a tag team again at this point. He tries to toss Dreamer out and through the table, but Dreamer stops it. Benjamin tries the same for Matt but Matt hangs on. #10 is Kane, in his 9th consecutive Royal Rumble. I hope he tops his record one day. Maybe this year, with 40 men in it. Kane pretty much takes care of business as Lawler steals my line and says he thinks Kane wants to break his own record. Chokeslam for Edge, and Dreamer is tossed. Kane goes to toss Sabu out and through the table but Sabu escapes. He tries to clothesline Kane out, to no avail. Kane backdrops Sabu, who lands on the apron. GOOZLE TO SABU! Chokeslam through the table, and Sabu is gone.
#11 is CM Punk in his first Royal Rumble. He tries to toss Edge right away as JBL calls him boring but says he's extremely talented. He put it humorously, though. #12 is KING...BOOKAH!!! I love King Bookah. Booker tosses Gregory Helms. Booker is upset he never got his one-on-one rematch against Batista, to whom he lost the World Heavyweight Championship. #13 is Super Crazy, who is apparently Super, AND Crazy. Huh, who would have thought. JBL references Mil Mascaras eliminating himself, and calls him "Super Idiot." Nice reference. Booker tries to toss Finlay but Finlay hangs on and runs to the middle of the ring, which is a pretty smart idea. #14 is the Intercontinental Champion, Jeff Hardy. Matt and Jeff team up to double suplex Finlay. Some tandem maneuvers for Edge, too. JBL suspects the Hardys don't like Edge, because, "well, he stole all their girlfriends!" I miss JBL. They go after Kane, but DOUBLE GOOZLE. They fight away and hit Poetry in Motion. #15 is the Sandman, beer in hand, coming in through the crowd. He has a kendo stick and whack s Jeff, Matt, and Super Crazy with it before being tossed by King Booker. The crowd doesn't like that. #16 is the other half of the Tag Team Champions, Randy Orton. Edge and Orton team up and toss out Super Crazy. They had a little dissension on Raw when Orton tossed Edge over the top rope but they're on the same page here. Rated RKO tries to dump Matt but Jeff saves, but then Jeff gets dumped. There goes Matt, as well. Rated RKO is back on the same page, and they attack CM Punk and Shelton Benjamin.
#17 is the United States Champion, Chris Benoit. It's a little bittersweet as he gets a huge pop coming in, but this is his last Royal Rumble. Later that year, he murdered his family and committed suicide. So tragic. Benoit cleans house though and hits some Germans. Booker and Benjamin both get one. #18 is Rob Van Dam. Kane tosses KING BOOKAH, who is NOT happy. Booker jumps back in the ring and attacks Kane. Scissor Kick and Booker clotheslines Kane out. This sets up their match at No Way Out. #19 is the World's Largest Love Machine, Viscera. This gimmick lasted two Rumbles? Fuck. Nothing much goes on here, except they clear out Booker from beating up Kane. #20 is Johnny Nitro, who tries to toss Rob Van Dam to no avail. Benoit tries to toss Benjamin who hangs on the BOTTOM ROPE and holds his legs up from touching. Amazing. #21 is Kevin Thorne. Vis tries to dump RVD and Nitro comes to help, but Van Dam hangs on and dropkicks Nitro into Vis. Big clothesline doesn't take Vis out. ANOTHER one doesn't get him. Van Dam charges again but gets clotheslined. #22 is ECW's Hardcore Holly. Five guys try to eliminate Viscera. In fact, everyone joins in but it doesn't work. #23 is SHAWN MICHAELS! Shawn attacks Finlay as his hometown is going NUTS. Lou Thesz Press for Finlay! Shawn CLOTHESLINES Finlay out. Sweet Chin Music to Viscera! Everyone gangs back up and dumps Viscera! Shawn backdrops Shelton Benjamin out! Big "HBK" chant.
#24 is Chris Masters. Rated RKO works on Shawn. Rated RKO is credited for injuring Triple H and tearing his quad. Nitro goes to the second turnbuckle but Benoit runs over and bashes him off and to the outside. #25 is Chavo Guerrero. Benoit eliminates Chris Benoit. #26 is the burn victim, MVP, after losing an Inferno Match to Kane. MVP was still a rising star here before he hit the glass ceiling. Van Dam dropkicks Masters out of the ring. Van Dam smiles and nods his head. #27 is Carlito. Carlito gets a nice little pop. He goes nuts on everyone. "The later you're in, the better it is for you," says Cole. JBL replies, "that is one hell of an intelligent statement, Cole. Our fans aren't idiots." I miss JBL so much. #28 is the Great Khali. The question is already presented, "who the hell can stop the Great Khali?" Everyone stops fighting and gets ready. Edge and Van Dam attack when Khali gets on the apron but gets shoved away. Headbutts for everybody. Seriously, he just headbutts EVERYBODY. Nope Edge, Orton and HBK gets chopped on the head. So does MVP. And Benoit. There goes Hardcore Holly. #29 is the Miz, looking like a COMPLETE goober. And there goes the Miz via Khali. Boy, did things change for him. Goodbye Rob Van Dam. Goodbye CM Punk. Goodbye Carlito. Goodbye Chavo. Benoit was tossed out somewhere in there, too.
All the announcers talk about how nobody can stop Khali and he's locked for the winner. Only one man left. Khali gives Michaels a tree slam. WHO CAN STOP THE GREAT KHALI?! #30 is, of course, that man...THE UNDERTAKER. JBL makes a note how nobody has won from #30, virtually locking 'Taker for the win. 'Taker ducks a punch and throws right hands at Khali. He gets chopped but comes right back. The Undertaker won't stop attacking. Khali is against the ropes now, Undertaker backs up, and clotheslines Khali out! 'Taker fires away at the rest of the ring! Old school for MVP! Goodbye MVP!
Final four: Edge, Randy Orton, the Undertaker, and Shawn Michaels. And ANY of these man can feasibly win. MVP grabs a chair and tries getting in the ring but the referee stops him. Orton grabs the chair and BASHES the Undertaker in the head. Edge lines up Orton for a Spear and charges, but Orton readies the chair and Edge stops! Orton wants to know what Edge was doing. Shawn Michaels is up now but gets dropped with an RKO and falls out of the ring (under the ropes). Edge wants to refocus on the Undertaker, so Rated RKO attacks. Undertaker, busted open, fights back against Rated RKO. GOOZLE TO ORTON! GOOZLE TO EDGE! They kick 'Taker in the gut and clothesline him, but 'Taker ducks and clotheslines Rated RKO! Snake eyes to Edge, big boot!! GOOZLE TO ORTON! But Edge spears the Undertaker!! Chair to the Undertaker. Orton rolls Undertaker on the chair in the ring and Edge grabs another one as we set up for the one-man Con-Chair-To. But Shawn is back in the ring!! Shawn backdrops Orton out! Edge swings with the chair, Shawn ducks, Sweet Chin Music to Edge, and Edge is out!!
We are down to Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker and both men are down. This is what got me wanting Shawn Michaels vs. the Undertaker for the two years before we finally got it. Undertaker sits up, but Shawn kips up! 'Taker pulls the straps down! Shawn attacks on the 2nd turnbuckle with punches but 'Taker shoves him off, but Shawn runs back up and attacks. 'Taker shoves him away and GOOZLES him this time. 'Taker tosses Shawn into the corner and beats away. He nearly punches Shawn out but Shawn hangs on, fighting his way free. Shawn ducks a clothesline and hits a few chops. 'Taker reverses an Irish Whip and Shawn does the Flair flip into the turnbuckle and onto the apron. 'Taker charges with a boot but Shawn moves and 'Taker goes on the apron while Shawn slides in the ring! Shawn bounces off the ropes and tries to knock off 'Taker but 'Taker elbows Shawn in the face and climbs back in the ring. 'Taker whips Shawn into the ropes but Shawn hits a spinning neckbreaker. 'Taker is up and woozy so Shawn fires away. 'Taker and Shawn trade blows, both men battered and beaten down from those chair attacks. Shawn ducks a punch but meets 'Taker's boot. 'Taker hoists Shawn onto the apron but Shawn hangs on. Shawn fights his way free and goes up top, but 'Taker catches him. Shawn crotches and nearly falls out but 'Taker goes up top and tries to toss Shawn but Shawn fights his way to freedom. 'Taker falls back into the ring and Shawn delivers the HUGE Flying Elbow Drop! Shawn is now tuning...up...the...band. Everyone is standing up! They are ALL pro-Shawn. 'Taker catches the foot, GOOZLE, CHOKESLAM! 'Taker cuts the throat, calling for the end. Undertaker hoists 'Taker up but Shawn falls out the back and hits Sweet Chin Music!! Shawn tunes up the band again but 'Taker catches Shawn and dumps him for the win! WHAT A FINALE. There has NEVER been this good of a final-two-entrants part of the Rumble. This was absolutely off the hook and set the stage for their future Wrestlemania matches two and three years later. Absolutely mesmerizing. Crowd was totally pro-Shawn though and maybe they should have given it to Shawn, but it was still great. Unfortunately, the rest of the match was pretty blah most of the time. It gained momentum when Khali got in though and took off from there. We'll split the difference. ***3/4
#1 is Ric Flair. It's been a long way since the '92 Rumble, eh, Flair? JBL questions whether Flair can be the 60 minute man again. #2 is Finlay, as we get the two old school veterans to start. Not a bad way to kick things off. 90 second intervals this year. Finlay beast Flair in the corner with some stiff looking shots, but Flair retaliates with chops. Finlay tries to toss Flair but an eye rake stops that. Kenny Dykstra is #3. Dykstra, from the Spirit Squad on his own now, has had a mini-feud with Flair, and, according to Lawler, has three victories over Flair at this point. Flair kicks his ass with chops. Finlay attacks from behind and Kenny joins in until Finlay tries to dump Dykstra. Flair tries to come up from behind and dump Finlay to no avail. Stiff chop for Dykstra. They're like gunshots! Matt Hardy is your third entrant, going to work on Kenny. Side-Effect to Dykstra. Great moment as the camera is focused on Matt trying to dump Finlay, but you can still HEAR the chops Flair is delivering to Kenny. #5 is EDGE. He's 1/2 of the World Tag Team Champions with Randy Orton. Spear for Flair, spear for Finlay, but Matt moves, and hits the Twist of Fate on Edge! Cole brings up Edge making Matt leave Raw. JBL says, "forced him to leave his girlfriend." Flair goes outside for a pair of chairs, hoping for a con-chair-to to Edge but Dykstra stops him. Edge and Dykstra toss Flair. Dykstra goes to strut, so Edge tosses him, too.
#6 is Tommy Dreamer, who goes to work on Edge. No love lost there as Edge gets in the tree of woe and dropkicked. Dreamer, Beulah and Terry Funk lost to Edge, Lita and Mick Foley about 7 months earlier in a great, hardcore match. #7 is SABU. Sabu sets up a table on the outside. Cole quotes that Sabu has made a career out of it. Out of setting up tables? I could have sworn he was a wrestler. He goes right for Dreamer, bounces off the ropes, goes for a DDT and just kind of falls forward. Unless that's what he meant. I've never understood how Sabu was genocidal. #8 is the Cruiserweight Champion, Gregory Helms (complete with music that states, "GREGORY HELMS.") He won it a year ago at the Rumble and hasn't lost it yet. He goes for Matt as they're engaged in a mini-feud that really went nowhere. Finlay tries to toss Sabu to the outside and through the table but Sabu hangs onto the ropes. #9 is Shelton Benjamin, as he and Charlie Haas are a tag team again at this point. He tries to toss Dreamer out and through the table, but Dreamer stops it. Benjamin tries the same for Matt but Matt hangs on. #10 is Kane, in his 9th consecutive Royal Rumble. I hope he tops his record one day. Maybe this year, with 40 men in it. Kane pretty much takes care of business as Lawler steals my line and says he thinks Kane wants to break his own record. Chokeslam for Edge, and Dreamer is tossed. Kane goes to toss Sabu out and through the table but Sabu escapes. He tries to clothesline Kane out, to no avail. Kane backdrops Sabu, who lands on the apron. GOOZLE TO SABU! Chokeslam through the table, and Sabu is gone.
#11 is CM Punk in his first Royal Rumble. He tries to toss Edge right away as JBL calls him boring but says he's extremely talented. He put it humorously, though. #12 is KING...BOOKAH!!! I love King Bookah. Booker tosses Gregory Helms. Booker is upset he never got his one-on-one rematch against Batista, to whom he lost the World Heavyweight Championship. #13 is Super Crazy, who is apparently Super, AND Crazy. Huh, who would have thought. JBL references Mil Mascaras eliminating himself, and calls him "Super Idiot." Nice reference. Booker tries to toss Finlay but Finlay hangs on and runs to the middle of the ring, which is a pretty smart idea. #14 is the Intercontinental Champion, Jeff Hardy. Matt and Jeff team up to double suplex Finlay. Some tandem maneuvers for Edge, too. JBL suspects the Hardys don't like Edge, because, "well, he stole all their girlfriends!" I miss JBL. They go after Kane, but DOUBLE GOOZLE. They fight away and hit Poetry in Motion. #15 is the Sandman, beer in hand, coming in through the crowd. He has a kendo stick and whack s Jeff, Matt, and Super Crazy with it before being tossed by King Booker. The crowd doesn't like that. #16 is the other half of the Tag Team Champions, Randy Orton. Edge and Orton team up and toss out Super Crazy. They had a little dissension on Raw when Orton tossed Edge over the top rope but they're on the same page here. Rated RKO tries to dump Matt but Jeff saves, but then Jeff gets dumped. There goes Matt, as well. Rated RKO is back on the same page, and they attack CM Punk and Shelton Benjamin.
#17 is the United States Champion, Chris Benoit. It's a little bittersweet as he gets a huge pop coming in, but this is his last Royal Rumble. Later that year, he murdered his family and committed suicide. So tragic. Benoit cleans house though and hits some Germans. Booker and Benjamin both get one. #18 is Rob Van Dam. Kane tosses KING BOOKAH, who is NOT happy. Booker jumps back in the ring and attacks Kane. Scissor Kick and Booker clotheslines Kane out. This sets up their match at No Way Out. #19 is the World's Largest Love Machine, Viscera. This gimmick lasted two Rumbles? Fuck. Nothing much goes on here, except they clear out Booker from beating up Kane. #20 is Johnny Nitro, who tries to toss Rob Van Dam to no avail. Benoit tries to toss Benjamin who hangs on the BOTTOM ROPE and holds his legs up from touching. Amazing. #21 is Kevin Thorne. Vis tries to dump RVD and Nitro comes to help, but Van Dam hangs on and dropkicks Nitro into Vis. Big clothesline doesn't take Vis out. ANOTHER one doesn't get him. Van Dam charges again but gets clotheslined. #22 is ECW's Hardcore Holly. Five guys try to eliminate Viscera. In fact, everyone joins in but it doesn't work. #23 is SHAWN MICHAELS! Shawn attacks Finlay as his hometown is going NUTS. Lou Thesz Press for Finlay! Shawn CLOTHESLINES Finlay out. Sweet Chin Music to Viscera! Everyone gangs back up and dumps Viscera! Shawn backdrops Shelton Benjamin out! Big "HBK" chant.
#24 is Chris Masters. Rated RKO works on Shawn. Rated RKO is credited for injuring Triple H and tearing his quad. Nitro goes to the second turnbuckle but Benoit runs over and bashes him off and to the outside. #25 is Chavo Guerrero. Benoit eliminates Chris Benoit. #26 is the burn victim, MVP, after losing an Inferno Match to Kane. MVP was still a rising star here before he hit the glass ceiling. Van Dam dropkicks Masters out of the ring. Van Dam smiles and nods his head. #27 is Carlito. Carlito gets a nice little pop. He goes nuts on everyone. "The later you're in, the better it is for you," says Cole. JBL replies, "that is one hell of an intelligent statement, Cole. Our fans aren't idiots." I miss JBL so much. #28 is the Great Khali. The question is already presented, "who the hell can stop the Great Khali?" Everyone stops fighting and gets ready. Edge and Van Dam attack when Khali gets on the apron but gets shoved away. Headbutts for everybody. Seriously, he just headbutts EVERYBODY. Nope Edge, Orton and HBK gets chopped on the head. So does MVP. And Benoit. There goes Hardcore Holly. #29 is the Miz, looking like a COMPLETE goober. And there goes the Miz via Khali. Boy, did things change for him. Goodbye Rob Van Dam. Goodbye CM Punk. Goodbye Carlito. Goodbye Chavo. Benoit was tossed out somewhere in there, too.
All the announcers talk about how nobody can stop Khali and he's locked for the winner. Only one man left. Khali gives Michaels a tree slam. WHO CAN STOP THE GREAT KHALI?! #30 is, of course, that man...THE UNDERTAKER. JBL makes a note how nobody has won from #30, virtually locking 'Taker for the win. 'Taker ducks a punch and throws right hands at Khali. He gets chopped but comes right back. The Undertaker won't stop attacking. Khali is against the ropes now, Undertaker backs up, and clotheslines Khali out! 'Taker fires away at the rest of the ring! Old school for MVP! Goodbye MVP!
Final four: Edge, Randy Orton, the Undertaker, and Shawn Michaels. And ANY of these man can feasibly win. MVP grabs a chair and tries getting in the ring but the referee stops him. Orton grabs the chair and BASHES the Undertaker in the head. Edge lines up Orton for a Spear and charges, but Orton readies the chair and Edge stops! Orton wants to know what Edge was doing. Shawn Michaels is up now but gets dropped with an RKO and falls out of the ring (under the ropes). Edge wants to refocus on the Undertaker, so Rated RKO attacks. Undertaker, busted open, fights back against Rated RKO. GOOZLE TO ORTON! GOOZLE TO EDGE! They kick 'Taker in the gut and clothesline him, but 'Taker ducks and clotheslines Rated RKO! Snake eyes to Edge, big boot!! GOOZLE TO ORTON! But Edge spears the Undertaker!! Chair to the Undertaker. Orton rolls Undertaker on the chair in the ring and Edge grabs another one as we set up for the one-man Con-Chair-To. But Shawn is back in the ring!! Shawn backdrops Orton out! Edge swings with the chair, Shawn ducks, Sweet Chin Music to Edge, and Edge is out!!
We are down to Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker and both men are down. This is what got me wanting Shawn Michaels vs. the Undertaker for the two years before we finally got it. Undertaker sits up, but Shawn kips up! 'Taker pulls the straps down! Shawn attacks on the 2nd turnbuckle with punches but 'Taker shoves him off, but Shawn runs back up and attacks. 'Taker shoves him away and GOOZLES him this time. 'Taker tosses Shawn into the corner and beats away. He nearly punches Shawn out but Shawn hangs on, fighting his way free. Shawn ducks a clothesline and hits a few chops. 'Taker reverses an Irish Whip and Shawn does the Flair flip into the turnbuckle and onto the apron. 'Taker charges with a boot but Shawn moves and 'Taker goes on the apron while Shawn slides in the ring! Shawn bounces off the ropes and tries to knock off 'Taker but 'Taker elbows Shawn in the face and climbs back in the ring. 'Taker whips Shawn into the ropes but Shawn hits a spinning neckbreaker. 'Taker is up and woozy so Shawn fires away. 'Taker and Shawn trade blows, both men battered and beaten down from those chair attacks. Shawn ducks a punch but meets 'Taker's boot. 'Taker hoists Shawn onto the apron but Shawn hangs on. Shawn fights his way free and goes up top, but 'Taker catches him. Shawn crotches and nearly falls out but 'Taker goes up top and tries to toss Shawn but Shawn fights his way to freedom. 'Taker falls back into the ring and Shawn delivers the HUGE Flying Elbow Drop! Shawn is now tuning...up...the...band. Everyone is standing up! They are ALL pro-Shawn. 'Taker catches the foot, GOOZLE, CHOKESLAM! 'Taker cuts the throat, calling for the end. Undertaker hoists 'Taker up but Shawn falls out the back and hits Sweet Chin Music!! Shawn tunes up the band again but 'Taker catches Shawn and dumps him for the win! WHAT A FINALE. There has NEVER been this good of a final-two-entrants part of the Rumble. This was absolutely off the hook and set the stage for their future Wrestlemania matches two and three years later. Absolutely mesmerizing. Crowd was totally pro-Shawn though and maybe they should have given it to Shawn, but it was still great. Unfortunately, the rest of the match was pretty blah most of the time. It gained momentum when Khali got in though and took off from there. We'll split the difference. ***3/4
2006 Royal Rumble
15 Raw superstars, 15 Smackdown! superstars tonight. Vince McMahon wants someone to throw Shawn Michaels out of the ring. Masters promises to win it, Lashley is on a hot streak at this point, Matt Hardy will not die, Rey wants to win to dedicate it to Eddie Guerrero (who sadly passed away three months prior). Benoit, Orton, and Booker all have steam heading in to the Rumble. Rob Van Dam will make his return tonight in the Rumble, as well. And of course, Big Show, Kane, and Triple H are all realistic winners here, too. Especially Triple H. But they did a great job of building up multiple contenders. Hell, even Shelton Benjamin was getting more screen time with Mama Benjamin. Before Lillian can do the rules, the Spirit Squad comes out. aka, 4 future endeavored superstars, and Dolph Ziggler. They give a cheer. You really thought Kenny Dykstra would be the breakout superstar of them all, but Dolph really came into his own.
#1 is Triple H. Can he be only the third man to win from #1? It sure as hell is possible here tonight. #2 is Rey Mysterio, who comes out in a low rider, ala Eddie Guerrero. Triple H, despite being a heel, can't help but smile a bit in a cute moment. Rey's got the Eddie shirt on, does Eddie's shimmy, and points to the sky. Crowd loves it. Big "Eddie" chant to start. Mysterio dropkicks the leg out from Triple H and continues to keep the pace fast with a springboard crossbody, and a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Rey goes up for the 10-punch in the corner to a BIG "Eddie" chant. Triple H picks Rey up and puts him on the apron but Rey hits a neckbreaker, dropkicks Hunter into the ropes, and misses the 619. Triple H nails Rey witha Clothesline as Simon Dean rides down on his scooter. No warming up as he gets straight in and attacks Rey, who is already down. Crowd HATES that, as Dean gives the thumbs up for Triple H. He tries to toss Rey to no avail and wants a high-five from Triple H. Triple H is bordering face, and even knocks Dean down with a right hand. Seated senton from the ropes, and Hunter and Rey unite to toss Simon Dean, before fighting each other again. Rey hits a Bronco Buster on Hunter. #4 is Psicosis of the Mexicools. He goes for Rey, having a big history with Rey. Spinning heel kick to Hunter. Psicosis drops Rey on Triple H and tries to German Suplex him over to no avail. Psicosis tries to do a Razor's Edge to Rey out of the ring, but Rey counters with a headscissors and sends Psicosis out of the ring.
#5 is RIC FLAIR! Flair is a face at this point, Evolution is gone, and they had feuded at the end of last year, including an underrated great steel cage match. Flair takes it to Hunter with punches, chops, and a big back body drop. More chops sends Hunter to his knees. Flair struts around Hunter, headlock, and punches away. Triple H counters with a facebuster, but Flair GRABS A HOLD OF HUNTER'S NUTS! Whatever works. They poke each other in the eyes, Flair goes after Hunter, and Hunter back body drops Flair out. And right on time, #6 is Big Show. So much for tossing him out fast, Big Show is on his way in, hand cast and all, who was feuding with Hunter right before the Rumble. He goes right to work beating up Triple H. Triple H gets nothing here as Big Show just beats the tar out of Hunter the entire time. #7 is, for his second year in a row, THE COACH! His shirt this year, "I'm The Coach," and on the back, "Enough Said!" He eliminated Lawler in a battle royal to get this spot. He goes right for Big Show. Big "you suck" chant for Coach. Big Show grabs Coach by the throat and pushes him to the outside. Hunter gets back up and kicks Big Show, but is caught in a gorilla press slam. Sadly, Big Show doesn't toss him over the ropes but rather just to the mat. #8 is Bobby Lashley, as Michael Cole calls him the "Dark Horse" in this Rumble. THAT'S RACIST! Lashley is undefeated at this point (and remains so for another month before losing to JBL at No Way Out). Lashley and Show go face-to-face and Lashley shoves Big Show and gets knocked down by a right hand. Lashley breaks the Chokeslam and tries a waistlock but gets elbowed in the head. Lashley does some kind of tackle sending Big Show over his shoulder. Lashley kicks Show out of the ring, but under the ropes. Lashley sends Mysterio into the turnbuckle so hard, he nearly gave him whiplash.
#9 is Kane, who is part of the World Tag Team Champions with the Big Show. Just call it quits now, Lashley. Neither man can gain the advantage until Kane boots Lashley in the face. Lashley gets the offense and hits a Dominator on Kane. #10 is Sylvain, formerly Sylavain Grenier. He wants to work with Lashley, then turns on him, but is tossed with ease by Lashley. He turns around into a DOUBLE GOOZLE and a DOUBLE CHOKESLAM from the World Tag Team Champions. Big Show and Kane pick Lashley up, and Big Show and Kane TOSS Lashley out. Since it's the Rumble, Big Show and Kane go at it now. And rightfully so. Kane has Big Show by the throat and against the ropes, but Big Show grabs Kane by the throat too. Triple H comes up from behind and DUMPS THEM BOTH! And just like that, we have another entrant. #11 is Carlito, who had a big of momentum at this point too. He was just in an Elimination Chamber match for the WWE Championship earlier in the month. Then again, so was Chris Masters. Not surprisingly, they were a tag tea together. Carlito and Rey get some fast paced action back and forth until Carlito takes Rey down with a Backstabber. Triple H walks up and thumbs Carlito into the eye. Carlito kicks Hunter in the face and knocks him down, in probably the only time that will EVER happen in his career. #12 is CHRIS BENOIT~! Big pop for Benoit. Benoit means fucking business on his way to the ring as Hunter tells Carlito to get him, but Benoit knocks everyone down. Chops for everyone! German suplex to Rey! Chops for Hunter! STIFF chops, too! German Suplex to Hunter! German Suplex to Carlito, but Carlito lands on his feet, but walks into a Crossface!! Triple H breaks it up and puts Benoit on the apron. Benoit tries to suplex Hunter over, as they just try to suplex each other. Cool spot, and Hunter puts Benoit on the top turnbuckle. Hunter goes up but MANY MANY HEABUTTS knocks Triple H on his back. DIVING HEADBUTT! Crowd loves it.
#13 is Booker T, the United States Champion. Booker won it by putting Randy Orton in his match as a substitute due to injury, and Orton won it for Booker, against...Benoit. Booker goes for Benoit, as Cole references their WCW best of 7 matches, impressingly enough. Benoit tosses Booker out almost immediately, though, as Booker must have still been injured. Benoit tries to toss Hunter but Carlito attacks (instead of helping, ugh). #14 is 1/2 of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Joey Mercury. He drops Carlito with a jawbreaker and a dropkick. He gets German Suplexed for being in there. Mercury counters with a falling reverse DDT. #15 is the return of TATANKA! The return absolutely NOBODY was waiting for. At ALL. Carlito has a "what the fuck, really?" look on his face. Tatanka goes to work on Carlito and Hunter. Crowd does the Seminole chant, as Tatanka nearly chops Mercury out of the ring. Benoit keeps going after Triple H.
#16 is the other half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Johnny Nitro. He runs in to save Joey Mercury from the perils of TATANKA~!, but fails. Cole says that Tatanka has been impressive. Well, I suppose it's been a decent two minutes. Tatanka just chops MNM over and over, in the chest, on the head...etc. Carlito nearly tosses Rey twice but Rey keeps hanging on. The "Eddie" chant is back, as Trevor Murdoch in #17. I really don't miss him. He looks just disgusting. Hunter tosses Rey but Rey hangs on again, channeling the spirit of 2003 Chris Jericho here, clearly. #18 is Eugene, making his return as well. He wants to shake hands with Trevor, but Trevor punches him in the face. He goes it two more times, but Eugene HULKS UP! AIRPLANE SPIN! Rey runs in and bulldogs both Murdoch AND Eugene at the same time. So...a double bulldog. #19 is Animal of the Legion of Doom, as we're getting no eliminations. Animal has quite the gut here, as MNM attacks immediately but Animals runs through them with a clothesline. Powerslam and elbow drop to Triple H. Scattered "L.O.D." chants. #20 is Rob Van Dam! Carlito, who attacked Van Dam on Raw recently, runs off into hiding. What a hot crowd as we get a big "RVD" chant. Van Dam just lays kicks to everyone as Carlito is on the apron, hiding behind the turnbuckle. Spinning heel kick to Triple H. Spin kick to Animal. Van Dam and Benoit face off and Van Dam kicks Benoit in the face. MNM attack but get dropkicked by Van Dam. Eugene cheers him on. RVD dumps Animal! And now Carlito attacks.
#21 is Orlando Jordan. Van Dam gets a hold of Carlito and tosses him but Carlito hangs on with ONE ARM. Ouch. #22 is Chavo Guerrero. He also points to Eddie, as he's a face at this point due to the Eddie situation. Another "Eddie" chant. Chavo lays waste to everybody and shimmies in the middle of the ring. Probably the only time you'll ever see Chavo clean the ring, as Chavo does Eddie's Three Amigos vertical suplexes. Chavo goes up top...points to the sky...and...Frog Splash to...nobody as Triple H shoves him out. Whoops. #23 is Matt Hardy. Matt Hardy beats up a bunch of people, which seems to be the norm here. He gets lost in the shuffle. MNM dumps Tatanka, who the announcers rave about. #24 is the other Mexicool, Super Crazy. He dives from the top rope onto MNM to start. The ring is way too full and people just keep getting lost in the shuffle. #25 is Shawn Michaels! Hopefully he gets rid of some bodies here. Shawn attacks everyone with VIGOR! Murdoch slows him down though. Murdoch whips Shawn into the turnbuckle. Shawn goes to the apron. Murdoch charges but Shawn pulls the ropes down and bye bye Trevor Murdoch. #26 is the Masterpiece, Chris Master. Boy, they really wanted to put him over and it just didn't work. He wasn't ready, but he's a much better worker now. Matt tries to dump Triple H. HA!! As if. #27 is the World's Largest Love Machine, Viscera, who won a battle royal to gain this spot. And boy, is his outfit purple or what. They're clearly just trying to get as many people in as possible here. Super Crazy tries to dump Triple H. HA!!! As if. Viscera humps Matt Hardy. Cole thinks Vis wore those colors before in the WWE. Matt tries a Twist of Fate, but Vis lifts him up and out of the Rumble.
#28 is Shelton Benjamin. Benoit dumps Eugene. Super Crazy is on Vis. "Look at him, they're climbing Viscera like they're climbing Brokeback Mountain!" - Lawler. #29 is the return of GOLDUST~! He just keeps returning at the Rumble. Goldust beats up MNM. And Goldust is lost in the shuffle now, too. #30 is Randy Orton. Orton goes right after Benoit, and DUMPS Benoit! Benoit beat Orton on the Smackdown! prior to this, too. RKO to Viscera. BUT WATCH OUT, IT"S ORLANDO JORDAN! Carlito and Chris Masters eliminate Viscera. Carlito pushes Masters over the top! Carlito turns around into Goldust. Shattered dreams to Carlito! But he turns around into a spinning heel kick from Van Dam. Orlando Jordan is in his way, so Goldust has to more or less jump out of the ring to be eliminated. Orton gets rid of Orlando Jordan. Shawn and Hunter take center stage but MNM attacks Shawn during his five moves of doom. MNM calls for the Snapshot. Shawn counters with a thumb to the eye of Nitro. Shawn backdrops Mercury onto the apron and tosses Nitro into Mercury, sending him to the outside! Shawn clotheslines both he and Nitro out, but Shawn skins the cat back into the ring! He turns around into a dragon kick from Shelton Benjamin, and a damn good one at that. Shawn tosses Benjamin onto the apron, and then gives him Sweet Chin Music to send him out! Vince McMahon's music hits! Watch those quads, Vince! This whole feud led to the classy, Vince and Shane McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels and "God" back at Backlash 2006. Vince distracts Shawn, and Shane McMahon runs in from behind and tosses Shawn. Shawn keeps getting screwed in these Rumbles. SHANE SHUFFLE! Shawn realizes what's happened and makes a bee line for Shane. Triple H cuts him off and tries a Pedigree but gets back body dropped and Sweet Chin Music for his troubles. Van Dam has had enough and kicks Carlito up and out of the ring.
Final four: Rob Van Dam, Triple H, Randy Orton, and Rey Mysterio. Former Evolution members vs former Tag Team Champions. Rey and Triple H square off and Orton and Van Dam go at it. Van Dam drops Mysterio (and himself) on top of Triple H, and then Orton. Rolling Thunder to Orton. Van Dam is crotched up top, and Mysterio is launched into Van Dam, sending him to the outside. Two heels vs. once face again. They decide to team up and chase Rey as we get another "Eddie" chant. Mysterio fights back though, and calls up the 619! Triple H cuts him off so Mysterio tosses Triple H next to Orton. Double 619!! Rey springboards back in, hunter ducks and Orton eats it, but Hunter clotheslines Rey's head off. Orton and Hunter go at it now as Orton connects with a powerslam. Orton stalks, and goes fort he RKO, but Hunter shoves him away, and hits a spinebuster! Rey jumps into Hunter's arms and Hunter tries to carry Rey over the top, but Rey hangs onto the ropes and sends Triple H out!! Hunter is PISSED, but the crowd LOVES it. Hunter pulls Rey out of the ring from under the rope and throws him into the steel steps. Hunter sends Rey back into the ring as Orton stalks him. Orton walks around, smiling. "Eddie" chant fills the arena. Randy picks Rey up by the head but pushes him back down. Orton picks Rey up again, throws him over his shoulder. He runs to the ropes, Rey grabs on the ropes, turns around and hurricanranas Orton to the outside! Rey Mysterio wins! Mysterio picks up the current record for longest time in a Royal Rumble at 1 hour, 2 minutes and 12 seconds. Rey calls to Eddie. The storyline may have been classless from time to time but you know Rey meant every emotion he showed towards Eddie, and that makes it that much better. Good start to the Rumble and a hot enough finish, but the middle was just wrestlers clogging the ring. One would enter, hit some fancy moves, and then get lost in the shuffle. Still, the emotion helped make it a little bit better. ***1/4 Benoit, Malenko, and Chavo congratulate Rey, but Edge says Rey better not challenge him for the belt. Doesn't matter as Edge lost the belt in the next match.
#1 is Triple H. Can he be only the third man to win from #1? It sure as hell is possible here tonight. #2 is Rey Mysterio, who comes out in a low rider, ala Eddie Guerrero. Triple H, despite being a heel, can't help but smile a bit in a cute moment. Rey's got the Eddie shirt on, does Eddie's shimmy, and points to the sky. Crowd loves it. Big "Eddie" chant to start. Mysterio dropkicks the leg out from Triple H and continues to keep the pace fast with a springboard crossbody, and a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Rey goes up for the 10-punch in the corner to a BIG "Eddie" chant. Triple H picks Rey up and puts him on the apron but Rey hits a neckbreaker, dropkicks Hunter into the ropes, and misses the 619. Triple H nails Rey witha Clothesline as Simon Dean rides down on his scooter. No warming up as he gets straight in and attacks Rey, who is already down. Crowd HATES that, as Dean gives the thumbs up for Triple H. He tries to toss Rey to no avail and wants a high-five from Triple H. Triple H is bordering face, and even knocks Dean down with a right hand. Seated senton from the ropes, and Hunter and Rey unite to toss Simon Dean, before fighting each other again. Rey hits a Bronco Buster on Hunter. #4 is Psicosis of the Mexicools. He goes for Rey, having a big history with Rey. Spinning heel kick to Hunter. Psicosis drops Rey on Triple H and tries to German Suplex him over to no avail. Psicosis tries to do a Razor's Edge to Rey out of the ring, but Rey counters with a headscissors and sends Psicosis out of the ring.
#5 is RIC FLAIR! Flair is a face at this point, Evolution is gone, and they had feuded at the end of last year, including an underrated great steel cage match. Flair takes it to Hunter with punches, chops, and a big back body drop. More chops sends Hunter to his knees. Flair struts around Hunter, headlock, and punches away. Triple H counters with a facebuster, but Flair GRABS A HOLD OF HUNTER'S NUTS! Whatever works. They poke each other in the eyes, Flair goes after Hunter, and Hunter back body drops Flair out. And right on time, #6 is Big Show. So much for tossing him out fast, Big Show is on his way in, hand cast and all, who was feuding with Hunter right before the Rumble. He goes right to work beating up Triple H. Triple H gets nothing here as Big Show just beats the tar out of Hunter the entire time. #7 is, for his second year in a row, THE COACH! His shirt this year, "I'm The Coach," and on the back, "Enough Said!" He eliminated Lawler in a battle royal to get this spot. He goes right for Big Show. Big "you suck" chant for Coach. Big Show grabs Coach by the throat and pushes him to the outside. Hunter gets back up and kicks Big Show, but is caught in a gorilla press slam. Sadly, Big Show doesn't toss him over the ropes but rather just to the mat. #8 is Bobby Lashley, as Michael Cole calls him the "Dark Horse" in this Rumble. THAT'S RACIST! Lashley is undefeated at this point (and remains so for another month before losing to JBL at No Way Out). Lashley and Show go face-to-face and Lashley shoves Big Show and gets knocked down by a right hand. Lashley breaks the Chokeslam and tries a waistlock but gets elbowed in the head. Lashley does some kind of tackle sending Big Show over his shoulder. Lashley kicks Show out of the ring, but under the ropes. Lashley sends Mysterio into the turnbuckle so hard, he nearly gave him whiplash.
#9 is Kane, who is part of the World Tag Team Champions with the Big Show. Just call it quits now, Lashley. Neither man can gain the advantage until Kane boots Lashley in the face. Lashley gets the offense and hits a Dominator on Kane. #10 is Sylvain, formerly Sylavain Grenier. He wants to work with Lashley, then turns on him, but is tossed with ease by Lashley. He turns around into a DOUBLE GOOZLE and a DOUBLE CHOKESLAM from the World Tag Team Champions. Big Show and Kane pick Lashley up, and Big Show and Kane TOSS Lashley out. Since it's the Rumble, Big Show and Kane go at it now. And rightfully so. Kane has Big Show by the throat and against the ropes, but Big Show grabs Kane by the throat too. Triple H comes up from behind and DUMPS THEM BOTH! And just like that, we have another entrant. #11 is Carlito, who had a big of momentum at this point too. He was just in an Elimination Chamber match for the WWE Championship earlier in the month. Then again, so was Chris Masters. Not surprisingly, they were a tag tea together. Carlito and Rey get some fast paced action back and forth until Carlito takes Rey down with a Backstabber. Triple H walks up and thumbs Carlito into the eye. Carlito kicks Hunter in the face and knocks him down, in probably the only time that will EVER happen in his career. #12 is CHRIS BENOIT~! Big pop for Benoit. Benoit means fucking business on his way to the ring as Hunter tells Carlito to get him, but Benoit knocks everyone down. Chops for everyone! German suplex to Rey! Chops for Hunter! STIFF chops, too! German Suplex to Hunter! German Suplex to Carlito, but Carlito lands on his feet, but walks into a Crossface!! Triple H breaks it up and puts Benoit on the apron. Benoit tries to suplex Hunter over, as they just try to suplex each other. Cool spot, and Hunter puts Benoit on the top turnbuckle. Hunter goes up but MANY MANY HEABUTTS knocks Triple H on his back. DIVING HEADBUTT! Crowd loves it.
#13 is Booker T, the United States Champion. Booker won it by putting Randy Orton in his match as a substitute due to injury, and Orton won it for Booker, against...Benoit. Booker goes for Benoit, as Cole references their WCW best of 7 matches, impressingly enough. Benoit tosses Booker out almost immediately, though, as Booker must have still been injured. Benoit tries to toss Hunter but Carlito attacks (instead of helping, ugh). #14 is 1/2 of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Joey Mercury. He drops Carlito with a jawbreaker and a dropkick. He gets German Suplexed for being in there. Mercury counters with a falling reverse DDT. #15 is the return of TATANKA! The return absolutely NOBODY was waiting for. At ALL. Carlito has a "what the fuck, really?" look on his face. Tatanka goes to work on Carlito and Hunter. Crowd does the Seminole chant, as Tatanka nearly chops Mercury out of the ring. Benoit keeps going after Triple H.
#16 is the other half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Johnny Nitro. He runs in to save Joey Mercury from the perils of TATANKA~!, but fails. Cole says that Tatanka has been impressive. Well, I suppose it's been a decent two minutes. Tatanka just chops MNM over and over, in the chest, on the head...etc. Carlito nearly tosses Rey twice but Rey keeps hanging on. The "Eddie" chant is back, as Trevor Murdoch in #17. I really don't miss him. He looks just disgusting. Hunter tosses Rey but Rey hangs on again, channeling the spirit of 2003 Chris Jericho here, clearly. #18 is Eugene, making his return as well. He wants to shake hands with Trevor, but Trevor punches him in the face. He goes it two more times, but Eugene HULKS UP! AIRPLANE SPIN! Rey runs in and bulldogs both Murdoch AND Eugene at the same time. So...a double bulldog. #19 is Animal of the Legion of Doom, as we're getting no eliminations. Animal has quite the gut here, as MNM attacks immediately but Animals runs through them with a clothesline. Powerslam and elbow drop to Triple H. Scattered "L.O.D." chants. #20 is Rob Van Dam! Carlito, who attacked Van Dam on Raw recently, runs off into hiding. What a hot crowd as we get a big "RVD" chant. Van Dam just lays kicks to everyone as Carlito is on the apron, hiding behind the turnbuckle. Spinning heel kick to Triple H. Spin kick to Animal. Van Dam and Benoit face off and Van Dam kicks Benoit in the face. MNM attack but get dropkicked by Van Dam. Eugene cheers him on. RVD dumps Animal! And now Carlito attacks.
#21 is Orlando Jordan. Van Dam gets a hold of Carlito and tosses him but Carlito hangs on with ONE ARM. Ouch. #22 is Chavo Guerrero. He also points to Eddie, as he's a face at this point due to the Eddie situation. Another "Eddie" chant. Chavo lays waste to everybody and shimmies in the middle of the ring. Probably the only time you'll ever see Chavo clean the ring, as Chavo does Eddie's Three Amigos vertical suplexes. Chavo goes up top...points to the sky...and...Frog Splash to...nobody as Triple H shoves him out. Whoops. #23 is Matt Hardy. Matt Hardy beats up a bunch of people, which seems to be the norm here. He gets lost in the shuffle. MNM dumps Tatanka, who the announcers rave about. #24 is the other Mexicool, Super Crazy. He dives from the top rope onto MNM to start. The ring is way too full and people just keep getting lost in the shuffle. #25 is Shawn Michaels! Hopefully he gets rid of some bodies here. Shawn attacks everyone with VIGOR! Murdoch slows him down though. Murdoch whips Shawn into the turnbuckle. Shawn goes to the apron. Murdoch charges but Shawn pulls the ropes down and bye bye Trevor Murdoch. #26 is the Masterpiece, Chris Master. Boy, they really wanted to put him over and it just didn't work. He wasn't ready, but he's a much better worker now. Matt tries to dump Triple H. HA!! As if. #27 is the World's Largest Love Machine, Viscera, who won a battle royal to gain this spot. And boy, is his outfit purple or what. They're clearly just trying to get as many people in as possible here. Super Crazy tries to dump Triple H. HA!!! As if. Viscera humps Matt Hardy. Cole thinks Vis wore those colors before in the WWE. Matt tries a Twist of Fate, but Vis lifts him up and out of the Rumble.
#28 is Shelton Benjamin. Benoit dumps Eugene. Super Crazy is on Vis. "Look at him, they're climbing Viscera like they're climbing Brokeback Mountain!" - Lawler. #29 is the return of GOLDUST~! He just keeps returning at the Rumble. Goldust beats up MNM. And Goldust is lost in the shuffle now, too. #30 is Randy Orton. Orton goes right after Benoit, and DUMPS Benoit! Benoit beat Orton on the Smackdown! prior to this, too. RKO to Viscera. BUT WATCH OUT, IT"S ORLANDO JORDAN! Carlito and Chris Masters eliminate Viscera. Carlito pushes Masters over the top! Carlito turns around into Goldust. Shattered dreams to Carlito! But he turns around into a spinning heel kick from Van Dam. Orlando Jordan is in his way, so Goldust has to more or less jump out of the ring to be eliminated. Orton gets rid of Orlando Jordan. Shawn and Hunter take center stage but MNM attacks Shawn during his five moves of doom. MNM calls for the Snapshot. Shawn counters with a thumb to the eye of Nitro. Shawn backdrops Mercury onto the apron and tosses Nitro into Mercury, sending him to the outside! Shawn clotheslines both he and Nitro out, but Shawn skins the cat back into the ring! He turns around into a dragon kick from Shelton Benjamin, and a damn good one at that. Shawn tosses Benjamin onto the apron, and then gives him Sweet Chin Music to send him out! Vince McMahon's music hits! Watch those quads, Vince! This whole feud led to the classy, Vince and Shane McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels and "God" back at Backlash 2006. Vince distracts Shawn, and Shane McMahon runs in from behind and tosses Shawn. Shawn keeps getting screwed in these Rumbles. SHANE SHUFFLE! Shawn realizes what's happened and makes a bee line for Shane. Triple H cuts him off and tries a Pedigree but gets back body dropped and Sweet Chin Music for his troubles. Van Dam has had enough and kicks Carlito up and out of the ring.
Final four: Rob Van Dam, Triple H, Randy Orton, and Rey Mysterio. Former Evolution members vs former Tag Team Champions. Rey and Triple H square off and Orton and Van Dam go at it. Van Dam drops Mysterio (and himself) on top of Triple H, and then Orton. Rolling Thunder to Orton. Van Dam is crotched up top, and Mysterio is launched into Van Dam, sending him to the outside. Two heels vs. once face again. They decide to team up and chase Rey as we get another "Eddie" chant. Mysterio fights back though, and calls up the 619! Triple H cuts him off so Mysterio tosses Triple H next to Orton. Double 619!! Rey springboards back in, hunter ducks and Orton eats it, but Hunter clotheslines Rey's head off. Orton and Hunter go at it now as Orton connects with a powerslam. Orton stalks, and goes fort he RKO, but Hunter shoves him away, and hits a spinebuster! Rey jumps into Hunter's arms and Hunter tries to carry Rey over the top, but Rey hangs onto the ropes and sends Triple H out!! Hunter is PISSED, but the crowd LOVES it. Hunter pulls Rey out of the ring from under the rope and throws him into the steel steps. Hunter sends Rey back into the ring as Orton stalks him. Orton walks around, smiling. "Eddie" chant fills the arena. Randy picks Rey up by the head but pushes him back down. Orton picks Rey up again, throws him over his shoulder. He runs to the ropes, Rey grabs on the ropes, turns around and hurricanranas Orton to the outside! Rey Mysterio wins! Mysterio picks up the current record for longest time in a Royal Rumble at 1 hour, 2 minutes and 12 seconds. Rey calls to Eddie. The storyline may have been classless from time to time but you know Rey meant every emotion he showed towards Eddie, and that makes it that much better. Good start to the Rumble and a hot enough finish, but the middle was just wrestlers clogging the ring. One would enter, hit some fancy moves, and then get lost in the shuffle. Still, the emotion helped make it a little bit better. ***1/4 Benoit, Malenko, and Chavo congratulate Rey, but Edge says Rey better not challenge him for the belt. Doesn't matter as Edge lost the belt in the next match.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
2005 Royal Rumble
Well, they'll have to do a hell of a job here to top last year. You can't ask for a better #1 and #2, as it's Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit respectively, the two men who held the WWE and World Championships at the end of Wrestlemania last year. Eddie is insanely over with the crowd. Crowd is still into Benoit, too, but is clearly supporting Eddie between the two. Eddie and Benoit circle before they lock up. Neither man can gain the advantage but Benoit drops Eddie with an arm drag. Eddie hits a head lock and we just get some good old fashioned technical wrestling as neither man conquers the other. #3 is Daniel Puder, the winner of the one million dollar Tough Enough competition. Eddie and Benoit stop wrestling as Puder grabs the mic and claims he's going to be the first Tough Enough winner to win the Royal Rumble. Unfortunately for him, he's got the eyes of Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero locked on him. Benoit and Eddie take turns just chopping the SHIT out of Puder. In fact, they get the crowd into it. Double suplex and Puder is fucked ten ways from Sunday. Benoit hits a belly-to-back and Eddie does the Three Amigos, as #4 is rookie hater extrordinare, Hardcore Holly. Hardcore tells Eddie and Benoit that he wants Puder. Hardcore lights Puder up with a chop, and and another one, and a THIRD one. Eddie calls for Benoit to chop him next and turns it into a competition between Hardcore and Benoit. Benoit and Hardcore call for Eddie to chop him and the crowd pops for that. Big chop from Eddie as Puder's chest is beat red. Hardcore kicks Puder in the nuts and gets the crowd into it for the first time in his life. Alabama Slam follows.
#4 is the Hurricane as Hardcore easily tosses Puder. From there, Benoit and Eddie toss Hardcore as he has served his purpose. Hurricane has shitty luck in Rubles as HE gets chopped by Benoit. Double elbow but Eddie turns on Benoit and tries to toss him! Benoit hangs on and chops Eddie. Hurricane gets the ring advantage before Benoit gets ack up and chops the shit out of him. Benoit whips Hurricane into Eddie and Eddie backdrops him out. And just on that, another entrant is coming out. #5 is Kenzo Suzuki, as I'm perfectly okay with Eddie and Benoit beating the shit out of every entrant together until they win the Rumble. I remember nothing about this guy but Eddie grabs his arms and Benoit chops the shit out of HIM. Eddie takes down Kenzo and Benoit tries to eliminate Eddie! Eddie hangs on though as we get Edge at #6. Edge does nuts on everyone here, as this is the very early stages of his heel turn. Edge tries to eliminate Eddie but the crowd keeps chanting "Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!" #7 is Rey Mysterio to a great face pop. Mysterio hits a bulldog on Edge, dropkick on Benoit, and head scissors Kenzo Suzuki to an elimination! Eddie kills his momentum with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Benoit gets one, too. The entrants seem to be damn fast as #8 is the Intercontinental Champion, Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin hits a reverse elbow on Edge to start, and back body drops Eddie. A lot of fast paced action.
Benoit nearly suplexes Eddie out but Rey makes the save as Booker T is #10. The General Manager of Raw, Eric Bischoff comes out to cheer on his superstars. Benoit has Eddie locked in a Sharpshooter, but Rey springboards from the apron and dropkicks Benoit off. #11 is Chris Jericho~! Jericho attacks everyone in sight and elbows Benjamin for taking his IC title. Big "Y2J" chant. #12 is Luther Reigns as the ring gets crowded. Smackdown! General Manager Theodore Long has made his way to the ring. Everyone stops fight as they realize we have 4 Raw guys vs. 4 Smackdown! guys. The ring parts down the middle as the crowd is totally into this. Everyone attacks and the crowd erupts. Awesome moment. It's all Raw vs. Smackdown! here. #13 is Muhammed Hussein, as the ring stops fighting each other. The entire ring waits for Muhammad, and beat the hell out of him in unison. The crowd loves that too. The ring sets him up for Mysterio's 619. They hoist him up and toss him out of the ring! #14 is Orlando Jordan. Focus on Benjamin trying to eliminate Jericho but as history shows, Jericho is fantastic at not getting eliminated. Our halfway marker is Scotty 2 Hotty, who has shitty luck in Rumbles. And the trend continues as Muhammad Hussein attacks from behind. Camel clutch is applied as Scotty 2 Hotty fails to enter the ring in ANOTHER Royal Rumble. Benjamin with a big Stinger Splash on Edge and tries the elimination but Edge hangs on. I'm amazed that when a wrestler hangs on, most wrestlers seem to walk away instead of persisting the elimination.
#16 is Charlie Haas, who eats a side kick from Booker. So goes OJ. So does Luther, who then gets clotheslined out by Booker T. And Booker T tosses Orlando Jordan, and HE'S FEELING IT! SPINAROONI! Side kick to Rey but Eddie holds the rope down and Booker's momentum sends him over the top. Booker and Eddie were also a tag team before this Rumble and Booker is shocked, but it IS every man for himself. Benjamin and Haas reunite (being on separate brands) and attack Eddie. #17 is Rene Dupree, with Fifi. Tazz asks if French Poodles are allowed in the Rumble, which makes me lol on the inside. Dupree goes straight for Mysterio. He got a decent singles push in '04 but it went nowhere. Haas and Benjamin hit their old signature tandem move on Dupree and Benjamin eats a spinning heel kick from Rey after a high five. Stinger Splash to Edge, but Edge moves so Benjamin jumps TO the top rope, so Edge shoves him off and to the outside. #18 is Simon Dean. Rey hits a hurricanrana on Eddie as Simon warms up on the outside. Eddie ducks the 619 and goes for a powerbomb on Rey, but Rey hits a facebuster, and Edge tosses Eddie! Crowd HATES HATES HATES that and Edge mocks Eddie's shimmy. Jericho dropkicks Edge from behind. Simon Dean is still warming up on the outside, but finally walks into the ring.
#19 is SHAWN MICHAELS~! He goes straight for Edge, who defeated Michaels earlier in the night. Shawn clotheslines Dean over the top and mocks his squats. Crowd is chanting "Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!" as he leaves. Man, Eddie was so fucking over, it was remarkable. Edge tries to corner Rey but Rey goes through the legs as Edge is frustrated he can't catch Rey. Shawn dumps Charlie Haas as Tazz begs JR to say, "Slobberknocker." #20 is KURT FUCKING ANGLE! He promised to win this Rumble for the troops (I think...was that this year?) and immediate drops Benoit with a German, overhead to Rey, German to Jericho, Angle Slam to Edge, Angle Slam to Dupree, and one for Shawn! Shawn escapes, tries Sweet chin Music, but Angle cathces it, Ankle Lock! Michaels tries to roll Angle out but Angle catches himself on the ropes, turns around into Sweet Chin Music, and Angle is OUT! What a sequence. #21 is...Jonathan Coachman, complete with, "I'm the Coach, That's Why!!!" t-shirt. It also says "Coach on his pants. "If you ever wonder who he is, just look at his ass, it says Coach all over it!" - JR. JR also informs us that he would not cross Benoit with a chainsaw. Well okay then. Coach has the Road Dogg death grip on the bottom rope but Benoit attacks. Rey tries to headscissor Jericho out but Jericho stays on the apron. #22 is Mark Jindrak. Reigns and Jindrak were effectively Team Angle 2.0. Angle runs back in the ring and dumps Shawn. Angle NAILS Shawn with the steel steps. Shawn is busted open and Angle beats the hell out of him, complete with Ankle Lock. This led to one of the best Wrestlemania matches of all time.
#23 is Viscera. Coach has lost his shirt at some point. Nothing much happens as #24 is Paul London. London charges into the ring and nearly slides right back out. Dupree kills his head of steam and we get the FRENCH TICKLER~! Jericho has had enough of that and tosses Dupree before mocking the French Tickler. "Jericho can't dance or sing!" - Tazz. Jindrak tries to dump London but Rey and Jericho walk up from behind and try to eliminate Jindrak to no avail. #25 is the United States Champion, John Cena, to a HUGE HUGE HUGE pop. There is no booing Cena at this point; Cena is insanely over. He runs into Viscera and BACKDROPS HIM OUT! Rey gives Coach a Bronco Buster in the corner. #26 is Snitsky, complete with "It wasn't my fault!" theme music. Pretty sure we're at one minute intervals right now. Snitsky drops London on the apron and tries to clothesline him. London ducks but Snitsky nails a clothesline from the other way, sending London FLIPPING off the apron, onto the floor. Cena and Snitsky stare down, and Cena lifts him for the FU. Snitsky escapes and hits a big boot. #27 is the Big Red Machine, Kane. The pyro goes off and Tazz responds with, "Why do we gotta sit over here?! This is nuts!" Snitsky goes right after Kane, but Kane runs him down with a clothesline. London gets a stretcher job out as Kane chokeslams Edge, Kane, Cena, Jericho, Mysterio (one handed), Jindrak...well he gets tossed instead. Coach attacks from behind but gets goozled, but Snitsky saves him inadvertently. Pump handle slam by Snitsky as London is wheeled out.
Snitsky is the only man standing as BATISTA comes out at #28. Batista is insanely over, despite still being a part of Evolution here. He clotheslines Snitsky right out and faces off against Kane. They trade blows as we get a "Batista! Batista!" chant. BATISTA BOMB TO KANE! Jericho tries to run into Batista but is caught, and press slammed to the outside. Batista tosses Edge but Edge hangs on. #29 is CHRISTIAN, led to the ring by Tyson Tomko. Christian goes right after Cena due to an unscheduled rap battle between the two earlier in the night. Cena hits an FU to Kane...RIGHT OUT OF THE RING! Mysterio and Cena are all excited with each other, and agree to team up. Our final entrant is THE NATURE BOY, RIC FLAIR! His first Rumble in 13 years. He's all buddy-buddy with Batista, being in Evolution with him. Flair throws Coach into a Batista spinebuster and Flair tosses Coach out before strutting. Flair tosses Christian into a spinebuster. Batista gorilla press slams Christian to the outside onto Tomko. Benoit just DESTROYS Flair with chops before Batista attacks. BIG spinebuster to Benoit. Flair tosses Benoit at a more-than-respectable 47 minutes and 26 seconds, and then FLAIR TRIES TO TOSS BATISTA! Batista goes nowhere and is just STARING A HOLE through Flair, but Edge and Rey dropkick Batista. Spear to Flair, and Edge tosses Flair! Benoit, in two Rumbles, stayed in over 100 minutes. Amazing conditioning there.
Final four: John Cena, Batista, Edge, and Rey Mysterio. Spear to Batista! Spear to Cena! Mysterio jumps over the Spear, drop toe hold onto the ropes, 619 to Edge! West Coast Pop, but Edge moves and tosses Rey! Rey hangs on but Edge SPEARS him off the apron! Edge attacks both Cena and Batista and charges at them, but they BOTH backdrop Edge out! The crowd is RED FUCKING HOT as Raw's Batista and Smackdown!'s John Cena face off. JR calls it a "dream match" you could only see at the Royal Rumble. Well we did see it at Wrestlemania, 5 years later. And it was still a great match. Cena tries to FU Batista out but Batista hangs on to the ropes. Batista fights his way free, BATISTA BOMB COMING UP! Cena pushes the momentum to the ropes and tries to grab on, but both men fall to the outside and actually look like they hit at the EXACT SAME TIME! Impressive. The RAW referees thinks Batista won and the Smackdown! referees thinks Cena won. I get what they're doing here and it's cute but really, it's ultimately pointless. Vince McMahon comes out and is PISSED. He RIPS his jacket off, DIVES into the ring, and fucking TEARS both his quadriceps muscles. I'm not sure if they tear when they hit the side of the ring, or when he tries to stand up in the ring, but it is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Batista tosses Cena out for fun. Cena gets back in and tosses Batista out for fun. Well if only they did that a few minute ago! Vince orders the match to restart. So what the fuck is the point? I guess to put both men over. Batista tries a Batista Bomb but Cena fights out for an FU. Batista fights out, SPINEBUSTER! And he just TOSSES Cena out! Batista is going to Wrestlemania! But which Champion will he choose?!
Here's the thing. This is a criminally underrated Rumble. It is EXCELLENT. There's no running storyline like Benoit's or Flair's, and that hurts it a bit since Cena and Batista both came in so late, but it was still a hot match, with a completely overbooked finish. ****1/4
#4 is the Hurricane as Hardcore easily tosses Puder. From there, Benoit and Eddie toss Hardcore as he has served his purpose. Hurricane has shitty luck in Rubles as HE gets chopped by Benoit. Double elbow but Eddie turns on Benoit and tries to toss him! Benoit hangs on and chops Eddie. Hurricane gets the ring advantage before Benoit gets ack up and chops the shit out of him. Benoit whips Hurricane into Eddie and Eddie backdrops him out. And just on that, another entrant is coming out. #5 is Kenzo Suzuki, as I'm perfectly okay with Eddie and Benoit beating the shit out of every entrant together until they win the Rumble. I remember nothing about this guy but Eddie grabs his arms and Benoit chops the shit out of HIM. Eddie takes down Kenzo and Benoit tries to eliminate Eddie! Eddie hangs on though as we get Edge at #6. Edge does nuts on everyone here, as this is the very early stages of his heel turn. Edge tries to eliminate Eddie but the crowd keeps chanting "Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!" #7 is Rey Mysterio to a great face pop. Mysterio hits a bulldog on Edge, dropkick on Benoit, and head scissors Kenzo Suzuki to an elimination! Eddie kills his momentum with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Benoit gets one, too. The entrants seem to be damn fast as #8 is the Intercontinental Champion, Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin hits a reverse elbow on Edge to start, and back body drops Eddie. A lot of fast paced action.
Benoit nearly suplexes Eddie out but Rey makes the save as Booker T is #10. The General Manager of Raw, Eric Bischoff comes out to cheer on his superstars. Benoit has Eddie locked in a Sharpshooter, but Rey springboards from the apron and dropkicks Benoit off. #11 is Chris Jericho~! Jericho attacks everyone in sight and elbows Benjamin for taking his IC title. Big "Y2J" chant. #12 is Luther Reigns as the ring gets crowded. Smackdown! General Manager Theodore Long has made his way to the ring. Everyone stops fight as they realize we have 4 Raw guys vs. 4 Smackdown! guys. The ring parts down the middle as the crowd is totally into this. Everyone attacks and the crowd erupts. Awesome moment. It's all Raw vs. Smackdown! here. #13 is Muhammed Hussein, as the ring stops fighting each other. The entire ring waits for Muhammad, and beat the hell out of him in unison. The crowd loves that too. The ring sets him up for Mysterio's 619. They hoist him up and toss him out of the ring! #14 is Orlando Jordan. Focus on Benjamin trying to eliminate Jericho but as history shows, Jericho is fantastic at not getting eliminated. Our halfway marker is Scotty 2 Hotty, who has shitty luck in Rumbles. And the trend continues as Muhammad Hussein attacks from behind. Camel clutch is applied as Scotty 2 Hotty fails to enter the ring in ANOTHER Royal Rumble. Benjamin with a big Stinger Splash on Edge and tries the elimination but Edge hangs on. I'm amazed that when a wrestler hangs on, most wrestlers seem to walk away instead of persisting the elimination.
#16 is Charlie Haas, who eats a side kick from Booker. So goes OJ. So does Luther, who then gets clotheslined out by Booker T. And Booker T tosses Orlando Jordan, and HE'S FEELING IT! SPINAROONI! Side kick to Rey but Eddie holds the rope down and Booker's momentum sends him over the top. Booker and Eddie were also a tag team before this Rumble and Booker is shocked, but it IS every man for himself. Benjamin and Haas reunite (being on separate brands) and attack Eddie. #17 is Rene Dupree, with Fifi. Tazz asks if French Poodles are allowed in the Rumble, which makes me lol on the inside. Dupree goes straight for Mysterio. He got a decent singles push in '04 but it went nowhere. Haas and Benjamin hit their old signature tandem move on Dupree and Benjamin eats a spinning heel kick from Rey after a high five. Stinger Splash to Edge, but Edge moves so Benjamin jumps TO the top rope, so Edge shoves him off and to the outside. #18 is Simon Dean. Rey hits a hurricanrana on Eddie as Simon warms up on the outside. Eddie ducks the 619 and goes for a powerbomb on Rey, but Rey hits a facebuster, and Edge tosses Eddie! Crowd HATES HATES HATES that and Edge mocks Eddie's shimmy. Jericho dropkicks Edge from behind. Simon Dean is still warming up on the outside, but finally walks into the ring.
#19 is SHAWN MICHAELS~! He goes straight for Edge, who defeated Michaels earlier in the night. Shawn clotheslines Dean over the top and mocks his squats. Crowd is chanting "Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!" as he leaves. Man, Eddie was so fucking over, it was remarkable. Edge tries to corner Rey but Rey goes through the legs as Edge is frustrated he can't catch Rey. Shawn dumps Charlie Haas as Tazz begs JR to say, "Slobberknocker." #20 is KURT FUCKING ANGLE! He promised to win this Rumble for the troops (I think...was that this year?) and immediate drops Benoit with a German, overhead to Rey, German to Jericho, Angle Slam to Edge, Angle Slam to Dupree, and one for Shawn! Shawn escapes, tries Sweet chin Music, but Angle cathces it, Ankle Lock! Michaels tries to roll Angle out but Angle catches himself on the ropes, turns around into Sweet Chin Music, and Angle is OUT! What a sequence. #21 is...Jonathan Coachman, complete with, "I'm the Coach, That's Why!!!" t-shirt. It also says "Coach on his pants. "If you ever wonder who he is, just look at his ass, it says Coach all over it!" - JR. JR also informs us that he would not cross Benoit with a chainsaw. Well okay then. Coach has the Road Dogg death grip on the bottom rope but Benoit attacks. Rey tries to headscissor Jericho out but Jericho stays on the apron. #22 is Mark Jindrak. Reigns and Jindrak were effectively Team Angle 2.0. Angle runs back in the ring and dumps Shawn. Angle NAILS Shawn with the steel steps. Shawn is busted open and Angle beats the hell out of him, complete with Ankle Lock. This led to one of the best Wrestlemania matches of all time.
#23 is Viscera. Coach has lost his shirt at some point. Nothing much happens as #24 is Paul London. London charges into the ring and nearly slides right back out. Dupree kills his head of steam and we get the FRENCH TICKLER~! Jericho has had enough of that and tosses Dupree before mocking the French Tickler. "Jericho can't dance or sing!" - Tazz. Jindrak tries to dump London but Rey and Jericho walk up from behind and try to eliminate Jindrak to no avail. #25 is the United States Champion, John Cena, to a HUGE HUGE HUGE pop. There is no booing Cena at this point; Cena is insanely over. He runs into Viscera and BACKDROPS HIM OUT! Rey gives Coach a Bronco Buster in the corner. #26 is Snitsky, complete with "It wasn't my fault!" theme music. Pretty sure we're at one minute intervals right now. Snitsky drops London on the apron and tries to clothesline him. London ducks but Snitsky nails a clothesline from the other way, sending London FLIPPING off the apron, onto the floor. Cena and Snitsky stare down, and Cena lifts him for the FU. Snitsky escapes and hits a big boot. #27 is the Big Red Machine, Kane. The pyro goes off and Tazz responds with, "Why do we gotta sit over here?! This is nuts!" Snitsky goes right after Kane, but Kane runs him down with a clothesline. London gets a stretcher job out as Kane chokeslams Edge, Kane, Cena, Jericho, Mysterio (one handed), Jindrak...well he gets tossed instead. Coach attacks from behind but gets goozled, but Snitsky saves him inadvertently. Pump handle slam by Snitsky as London is wheeled out.
Snitsky is the only man standing as BATISTA comes out at #28. Batista is insanely over, despite still being a part of Evolution here. He clotheslines Snitsky right out and faces off against Kane. They trade blows as we get a "Batista! Batista!" chant. BATISTA BOMB TO KANE! Jericho tries to run into Batista but is caught, and press slammed to the outside. Batista tosses Edge but Edge hangs on. #29 is CHRISTIAN, led to the ring by Tyson Tomko. Christian goes right after Cena due to an unscheduled rap battle between the two earlier in the night. Cena hits an FU to Kane...RIGHT OUT OF THE RING! Mysterio and Cena are all excited with each other, and agree to team up. Our final entrant is THE NATURE BOY, RIC FLAIR! His first Rumble in 13 years. He's all buddy-buddy with Batista, being in Evolution with him. Flair throws Coach into a Batista spinebuster and Flair tosses Coach out before strutting. Flair tosses Christian into a spinebuster. Batista gorilla press slams Christian to the outside onto Tomko. Benoit just DESTROYS Flair with chops before Batista attacks. BIG spinebuster to Benoit. Flair tosses Benoit at a more-than-respectable 47 minutes and 26 seconds, and then FLAIR TRIES TO TOSS BATISTA! Batista goes nowhere and is just STARING A HOLE through Flair, but Edge and Rey dropkick Batista. Spear to Flair, and Edge tosses Flair! Benoit, in two Rumbles, stayed in over 100 minutes. Amazing conditioning there.
Final four: John Cena, Batista, Edge, and Rey Mysterio. Spear to Batista! Spear to Cena! Mysterio jumps over the Spear, drop toe hold onto the ropes, 619 to Edge! West Coast Pop, but Edge moves and tosses Rey! Rey hangs on but Edge SPEARS him off the apron! Edge attacks both Cena and Batista and charges at them, but they BOTH backdrop Edge out! The crowd is RED FUCKING HOT as Raw's Batista and Smackdown!'s John Cena face off. JR calls it a "dream match" you could only see at the Royal Rumble. Well we did see it at Wrestlemania, 5 years later. And it was still a great match. Cena tries to FU Batista out but Batista hangs on to the ropes. Batista fights his way free, BATISTA BOMB COMING UP! Cena pushes the momentum to the ropes and tries to grab on, but both men fall to the outside and actually look like they hit at the EXACT SAME TIME! Impressive. The RAW referees thinks Batista won and the Smackdown! referees thinks Cena won. I get what they're doing here and it's cute but really, it's ultimately pointless. Vince McMahon comes out and is PISSED. He RIPS his jacket off, DIVES into the ring, and fucking TEARS both his quadriceps muscles. I'm not sure if they tear when they hit the side of the ring, or when he tries to stand up in the ring, but it is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Batista tosses Cena out for fun. Cena gets back in and tosses Batista out for fun. Well if only they did that a few minute ago! Vince orders the match to restart. So what the fuck is the point? I guess to put both men over. Batista tries a Batista Bomb but Cena fights out for an FU. Batista fights out, SPINEBUSTER! And he just TOSSES Cena out! Batista is going to Wrestlemania! But which Champion will he choose?!
Here's the thing. This is a criminally underrated Rumble. It is EXCELLENT. There's no running storyline like Benoit's or Flair's, and that hurts it a bit since Cena and Batista both came in so late, but it was still a hot match, with a completely overbooked finish. ****1/4
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
2004 Royal Rumble
This is, without question, my favorite Royal Rumble ever. JR and Tazz do their first commentary together for a Rumble match, and it really works and feels fresh. There are so many stories going on here. Goldberg and Brock get into a little verbal tiff backstage. Tazz mentions that Mick Foley promised to show up at the Rumble, but he is not here, so he forces JR to call Foley a coward. Foley's been having issues with Randy Orton, who spit in Foley's face and kicked him down a flight of stairs, among many other things. #1 is, determined by Paul Heyman, Chris Benoit. Heyman was not a fan of Benoit and made him and Cena beat the FBI in a 2-on-3 Handicapped Match to entire the Rumble, but made Benoit number 1. Meanwhile, Kurt Angle has promised, nay, guaranteed to win his first Royal Rumble match. Goldberg is #30, having won a match on Raw to earn that spot. #2 is the Intercontinental Champion, Randy Orton. Good pair of guys to start here. Orton's clearly a star in the making here. Benoit has the experience though. Collar-elbow tie up and Benoit kicks away at Orton in the corner. They go back and forth for a bit until Mark Henry comes in at #3. Henry goes after Benoit and headbutts him to the ground before choking out Orton in the corner. No friends here, we get heels vs. heels and faces vs. faces. Benoit fires off a couple chops and Orton attacks Henry from behind but Henry cannot be stopped.
Neither man can get Mark Henry to slow down, as Tajiri comes in at #4. Orton attacks Tajiri on his way in but Tajiri stings Orton with a few kicks, and a handspring elbow to Orton. Benoit goes for a suplex but Tajiri gets out to the waist. Benoit reverses the waist lock and snaps off a pair of German Suplexes. Henry tosses Orton but Orton bounces right back in, only hitting the apron. Orton attacks Henry from behind as Bradshaw is your fifth entrant. Clothesline from Hell to Orton, Henry, and Tajiri. Benoit gets a little offense, misses a charge in the corner, but CATCHES the Clothesline from Hell with a Crossface! Bradshaw picks Benoit up and tries to dump Benoit, but Benoit hangs onto the ropes and Bradshaw goes over the top. Good spot to put Benoit over as a guy who can be resourceful and stop one of the biggest men in the ring. #6 is the Man-Beast, Rhyno. Rhyno goes after Orton and Benoit, as Rhyno and Benoit are a former tandem in their own right. Tajiri hits the Tarantula on Mark Henry in the corner. Rhyno misses a Gore on Benoit and hits Mark Henry, and the blow knocks Tajiri out of the ring. Benoit charges off the ropes and knocks Mark Henry out of the ring! And Benoit throws out another big athlete. There was a mist from Tajiri to Mark Henry that the camera missed as well. #7 is Matt Hardy. Matt and Rhyno go at it as Matt hits the Side Effect on Rhyno. Benoit doesn't like Matt's bragging and tosses him out, but Matt hangs on. Rhyno and Matt square off, as Benoit and Orton are in the other corner.
#8 is Scott Steiner! Big Poppa Pump is still around at this point. We get suplexes for everyone! T-Bones, belly-to-bellies, but Benoit stops him with a pair of German suplexes! Great spot to show Benoit can kill momentum of another wrestler with his own types of maneuvers. #9 is big Matt Morgan, who is having much better success in life in TNA. Morgan goes after Benoit and hits a sit-out powerbomb. Matt attacks from behind but gets a big boot for his troubles. Morgan goes after Orton in the corner as I don't think Steiner has hit a single move in this match that wasn't a suplex. Amazing. Matt and Rhyno try to toss Steiner but Morgan runs over and attacks Matt. JR marks it as a rookie mistake, which I like. Morgan was just being intense and wanted to attack everyone standing, even if it wasn't the smartest thing to do. #10 is the Hurricane! Let's see if he can fare better this year. He climbs to the top right away and hits a crossbody on Matt Hardy. He goes after Matt Morgan and an eye poke seems to work. Unfortunately, he gets caught by Morgan, who launches the Hurricane to the outside. Hurricane looks like he hurt his leg there, but I believe he was okay. Morgan tries the same to Matt but Matt hangs on and rolls back inside. There's always something interesting going on here, which I love, and the entrants are very tight, leaving no room for dull and down periods.
#11 is Booker T, complete with strange remixed music. Awesome moment as he goes right for Scott Steiner, picking right up on their feud from WCW. It's a great touch as Booker really takes it to Steiner. The ring is getting crowded but there are a lot of top-caliber athletes in there, too. Orton eats a Scissor Kick from Booker T but Morgan stops Booker in his tracks. #12 is Kane, and I expect some people to go here. Steiner has been eliminated off-camera. Replay shows Booker T dumping Steiner. Poor timing; I don't understand why they do that. Chokeslam to Benoit. Morgan tries to powerbomb Kane but is back dropped. Chokeslam to Matt Morgan. Matt tries a Side Effect, but takes a sidewalk slam. The Gore is stopped with a big boot. RKO fails as Kane delivers a Chokeslam. Kane is cooking with gas here, especially since he buried his brother back in November. And sure enough, the lights go out for #13. The bell tolls twice and Kane is FREAKING OUT. Booker comes up from behind and dumps Kane!! And #13 winds up being Spike Dudley. Kane is PISSED so he Chokeslams Spike Dudley on the ramp. That, effectively, ends Spike's chances of winning...erm...entering the Royal Rumble. It gets quiet in the ring, so we get another entrant: Rikishi at #14. They're not keeping the ring TOO crowded, and Benoit backdrops Rhyno out! Rikishi knocks down everyone standing. It's nice that everyone coming into the ring looks strong. Stink face to Matt Morgan.
It quiets down again as not much goes on, but we get Rene Dupree at #15. And Dupree is only 20 years old at this point; holy fuck. Dupree nearly eats a Twist of Fate but puts Matt on the apron. AND HE DROPKICKS MATT OFF! I didn't expect that. FRENCH TICKLER! And Rikishi superkicks him right on out! Now, through pacing, we only have 5 guys in the ring and there are no big rapid-fire eliminations. And we get #16, whom is A-Train. I like when they play with the entrant times, as long as it keeps the match fresh and interesting. A-Train goes right after Rikishi. Benoit dumps Matt Morgan! Again, eliminating a larger opponent. Benoit, Booker and Rikishi try to dump A-Train to no avail. Orton is the one who manages to dump Rikishi! And Orton tosses Booker T, too! A-Train beats the hell out of Benoit in the corner with those clubbing blows (TM Jim Ross). Shelton Benjamin is your seventeenth entrant as Benoit dumps A-Train! Benjamin goes after Orton while Benoit struggles to get to his feet. Superkick misses from Benjamin and he tangles himself up in the ropes, so Orton dumps him! And we're left with numbers 1 and 2 being the only ones in the ring right now. Back suplex to Orton, but both men collide with each other head-first. #18 comes out right away, as Lamont comes out to introduce ERNEST, THE CAT, MILLER! Both men dance inside the ring. They dance, ala Rikishi and Too Cool in 2000. Unfortunately, Benoit and Orton are not amused. Benoit tosses Lamont's wig out, then Lamont, as Orton tosses Earnst the Cat Miller.
#19 is SERIOUS BUSINESS, as it's KURT FUCKING ANGLE! Angle knocks down Orton but Benoit manages to slow him down a bit. Benoit lights Angle's chest up with chops, but Angle takes the momentum and hits a vertical suplex. Angle tries to toss Benoit as Orton relaxes in the corner. Benoit hangs on though as Orton walks over to attack Angle from behind. #20 is Rico, accompanied to the ring by Jackie Gayda. Rico was a pretty good wrestler with good charisma who could have been a bigger star than he was. Rico and Orton trade blows while Angle tries to take out Benoit. Rico gets some good shots on Orton but Orton drops Rico with an RKO. Triple German Suplexes on Angle from bEnoit as Orton casually dumps Rico. Benoit goes up top, looking for a Diving Headbutt but Angle plays possum and shakes Benoit to fall on his testicles. #21 is Test...but there is no Test...Orton drops Angle with an RKO in the ring and is the only man standing right now. We go to the back locker room and Test is on the ground. Steve Austin is yelling at someone, assumingly the man who attacked Test. Austin makes the mystery man #21 to replace Test. And who could #21 be? Screeeech, CRASH. IT'S MICK FOLEY! ORTON HAS SHIT HIS TIGHTS! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS! Orton can't believe it!!! Foley and Orton BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER. Foley, fist and fire at Orton in the corner. BANG BANG! Foley runs off the ropes and delivers the infamous FOLEY CLOTHESLINE, sending both men to the outside! But Foley doesn't want to win the Rumble; he just wants to beat the hell out of Orton! I don't like that the announcers didn't pick up on that; really annoys me every time. Foley continues to attack Orton, slamming his face against the steel steps. Foley chokes Orton out with camera wire!
Christian comes out as #22, and he attacks Benoit. Foley is still beating Orton up ont he outside. Foley gets the steel steps, and hits an official! Orton takes advantage and NAILS Foley with a pair of BRUTAL chair shots! Orton just whips the back of Foley's head against the steel ramp. Orton lines up a chair shot but Foley goes low to gain the upperhand! And it's Mr. Socko! #23 is Nunzio, who eats Mr. Foley on the way out! FOLEY HAS LOST IT! Orton kicks Foley in the nuts as retribution and runs away. Nunzio takes a breather against the barricade. Angle hits a German Suplex on Christian, and one for Benoit! Nunzio cheers from the outside. #24 is the Big Show, and even though Benoit tossed a few big guys already, Big Show is the biggest man in this match; who can toss him out? Headbutt to Angle. Kick to the ribs of Benoit. Big chop to Christian. Big chop to Benoit. Headbutt to Christian. Angle gets a few licks on Big Show but Show hammers away at Angle. Big Show no sells Christian's attacks and chops him in the chest before tossing him across the ring. #25 comes out FAST, and it's Chris Jericho! Jericho and Christian were in a tag team together, but Jericho started (and did) turn face at this point; he just hadn't broken up with Christian yet. They team up to attack Angle but Big Show headbutts them both. BIG chop to Jericho. Christian hops on Big Show's back and everyone in the ring tries to toss out the Big Show, but the Big Show fights them all off.
#26 is Charlie Haas. He doesn't make an impact as Jericho and Christian suplex Haas. Christian turns on Jericho and tries to toss him out, but Jericho hangs on the apron. Jericho shoulders Christian in the gut through the ropes, and backdrops him out at the same time! #27 is Billy Gunn, who decides to return AGAIN in a Royal Rumble. Fame-Asser to Kurt Angle! There's one for Jericho! Billy Gunn is on fire as it saddens me that all these guys have to prove themselves and Billy just keeps coming back and not getting over. Nunzio is STILL on the outside. Jericho hits a nice belly-to-back suplex on Angle. German Suplex from Benoit to Jericho! There needs to be a drinking game; every time someone does a German Suplex on this show, take a drink. #28 is JOHN CENA! He's well on his way here to becoming the biggest star in the WWE. Cena takes a page out of the 1996 Royal Rumble and attacks Nunzio, before tossing him into the ring. Show attacks Cena upon entering, followed by a huge chop. Show delivers one to Nunzio for good measure. Cena fires away on Big Show! Cena just can't eliminate Big Show by himself, though. #29 is Rob Van Dam! Cena gets Angle up for the FU, and hits it! #30 is, of course, Goldberg, in his first and only Royal Rumble. He hops into the ring, SPEAR FOR BIG SHOW! SPEAR FOR BILLY GUNN! Everyone's getting punched and slammed by Goldberg! Nunzio hops in his back, so Goldberg walks over and shoves Charlie Haas over WITH Nunzio on his back! Nunzio gets slammed to the ground. SPEAR TO NUNZIO! That nearly sent him out of the ring. Goldberg clotheslines Billy Gunn out! Which is great, because really, how does he get so many late numbers in the Rumble? Goldberg gorilla press slams Nunzio to the outside. He calls for the Jackhammer on Goldberg, but it's Brock Lesnar! F-5 to Goldberg!! Goldberg is not happy and stares down Lesnar. "You're next, you son of a bitch!" Goldberg makes a rookie mistake and has his back to the ring as Angle runs from behind and dumps Goldberg!!
Final six: Big Show, John Cena, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam, and Chris Benoit. Cena and Angle try to dump Show, so Jericho joins in. Benoit and Van Dam stop fighting each other to join in, but it just IS NOT WORKING. Big Show shoves them all away and keeps knocking them down. Angle chop blocks the leg, and Lionsault from Jericho! FIVE. STAR. FROG. SPLASH TO BIG SHOW! Cena pumps up and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle! DIVING HEADBUTT FROM BENOIT! Angle organizes everyone in the ring, and calls for everyone to pick up Big Show and eliminate him. Big Show is dead weight though and they can't move him. Big Show explodes again! Big Show tosses John Cena, who looks like he hurt his knee too. But I believe he was okay. Van Dam hits the shoulders in the corner and tries a Monkey Flip, but Show shoves him to the outside! Big Show tosses Jericho, but Jericho skins the cat and stays in the ring! Dropkick to Big Show, which forces him to lean on the ropes! Jericho tries to toss Big Show but is backdropped onto the apron. Eye rake to Big Show, Jericho slides back in, dropkicks Big Show in the knee, bulldog from the second turnbuckle, and Jericho is going for the Walls of Jericho!! Big Show taps, but it doesn't matter! Angle attacks Jericho for being dump. Hey, it was HIS idea to team up against Show! Jericho tries to dump Angle as big Show drops Benoit. Big Show has Jericho by the throat, and Chokeslams Jericho straight to the outside!
Three men left. Benoit gets caught by the throat and Chokeslammed. Angle goes for a waist lock and tries a German Suplex on Big Show to no avail. But he DOES nail the Olympic Slam! Benoit fights Angle and gets the Olympic Slam as a result! AND NOW THE STRAPS ARE DOWN! Angle asks the crowd who they want him to go for. Big Show is the choice but Show catches Kurt by the throat. Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock!! Big Show screams and taps but it doesn't mean anything still. Big Show climbs the ropes, still in the Ankle Lock, and Big Show leans over the ropes and pulls Angle to the outside! Brilliant move but Angle is pissed! So now we have Chris Benoit, left with the unfortunate task of eliminating the Big Show; a feat that FIVE MEN couldn't do together. Big Show is on the apron so Benoit hits a diving headbutt, but instead of falling to the inside of the ring, he tumbles to the inside. Tazz says you have to "put your balls on the table" to win. Benoit runs off the ropes but gets caught around the throat, REVERSAL, Crippler Crossface! Big Show taps for a THIRD time, but it still doesn't matter! Big Show just stands up with Benoit on him and slams himself on top of Benoit. Both men are down, but Big Show is up first and he is pissed. The strap comes down! Show goes for the gorilla press slam on Benoit and walks to the ropes, but Benoit grabs Big Show by the head. Big Show tries to hammer Benoit off and puts him on the apron. But Benoit keeps...hanging...on...and slowly slides under the ropes, and BIG SHOW GOES OVER THE TOP! PULL BENOIT, PULL HARDER! BIG SHOW IS ALMOST...BIG SHOW IS OUT! BENOIT DOES IT! BENOIT WINS!
Here's the thing; this match will not be for everyone due to what happened to Chris Benoit. But if you can set that aside, this was, for my money, the PERFECT Royal Rumble. Benoit needed that push to get into the main event and they built this match up to make sure Benoit would get over. This match makes Benoit look like a main eventer, and that went a long way. It was such a great moment and the ending was a fantastic emotional roller coaster. *****
Neither man can get Mark Henry to slow down, as Tajiri comes in at #4. Orton attacks Tajiri on his way in but Tajiri stings Orton with a few kicks, and a handspring elbow to Orton. Benoit goes for a suplex but Tajiri gets out to the waist. Benoit reverses the waist lock and snaps off a pair of German Suplexes. Henry tosses Orton but Orton bounces right back in, only hitting the apron. Orton attacks Henry from behind as Bradshaw is your fifth entrant. Clothesline from Hell to Orton, Henry, and Tajiri. Benoit gets a little offense, misses a charge in the corner, but CATCHES the Clothesline from Hell with a Crossface! Bradshaw picks Benoit up and tries to dump Benoit, but Benoit hangs onto the ropes and Bradshaw goes over the top. Good spot to put Benoit over as a guy who can be resourceful and stop one of the biggest men in the ring. #6 is the Man-Beast, Rhyno. Rhyno goes after Orton and Benoit, as Rhyno and Benoit are a former tandem in their own right. Tajiri hits the Tarantula on Mark Henry in the corner. Rhyno misses a Gore on Benoit and hits Mark Henry, and the blow knocks Tajiri out of the ring. Benoit charges off the ropes and knocks Mark Henry out of the ring! And Benoit throws out another big athlete. There was a mist from Tajiri to Mark Henry that the camera missed as well. #7 is Matt Hardy. Matt and Rhyno go at it as Matt hits the Side Effect on Rhyno. Benoit doesn't like Matt's bragging and tosses him out, but Matt hangs on. Rhyno and Matt square off, as Benoit and Orton are in the other corner.
#8 is Scott Steiner! Big Poppa Pump is still around at this point. We get suplexes for everyone! T-Bones, belly-to-bellies, but Benoit stops him with a pair of German suplexes! Great spot to show Benoit can kill momentum of another wrestler with his own types of maneuvers. #9 is big Matt Morgan, who is having much better success in life in TNA. Morgan goes after Benoit and hits a sit-out powerbomb. Matt attacks from behind but gets a big boot for his troubles. Morgan goes after Orton in the corner as I don't think Steiner has hit a single move in this match that wasn't a suplex. Amazing. Matt and Rhyno try to toss Steiner but Morgan runs over and attacks Matt. JR marks it as a rookie mistake, which I like. Morgan was just being intense and wanted to attack everyone standing, even if it wasn't the smartest thing to do. #10 is the Hurricane! Let's see if he can fare better this year. He climbs to the top right away and hits a crossbody on Matt Hardy. He goes after Matt Morgan and an eye poke seems to work. Unfortunately, he gets caught by Morgan, who launches the Hurricane to the outside. Hurricane looks like he hurt his leg there, but I believe he was okay. Morgan tries the same to Matt but Matt hangs on and rolls back inside. There's always something interesting going on here, which I love, and the entrants are very tight, leaving no room for dull and down periods.
#11 is Booker T, complete with strange remixed music. Awesome moment as he goes right for Scott Steiner, picking right up on their feud from WCW. It's a great touch as Booker really takes it to Steiner. The ring is getting crowded but there are a lot of top-caliber athletes in there, too. Orton eats a Scissor Kick from Booker T but Morgan stops Booker in his tracks. #12 is Kane, and I expect some people to go here. Steiner has been eliminated off-camera. Replay shows Booker T dumping Steiner. Poor timing; I don't understand why they do that. Chokeslam to Benoit. Morgan tries to powerbomb Kane but is back dropped. Chokeslam to Matt Morgan. Matt tries a Side Effect, but takes a sidewalk slam. The Gore is stopped with a big boot. RKO fails as Kane delivers a Chokeslam. Kane is cooking with gas here, especially since he buried his brother back in November. And sure enough, the lights go out for #13. The bell tolls twice and Kane is FREAKING OUT. Booker comes up from behind and dumps Kane!! And #13 winds up being Spike Dudley. Kane is PISSED so he Chokeslams Spike Dudley on the ramp. That, effectively, ends Spike's chances of winning...erm...entering the Royal Rumble. It gets quiet in the ring, so we get another entrant: Rikishi at #14. They're not keeping the ring TOO crowded, and Benoit backdrops Rhyno out! Rikishi knocks down everyone standing. It's nice that everyone coming into the ring looks strong. Stink face to Matt Morgan.
It quiets down again as not much goes on, but we get Rene Dupree at #15. And Dupree is only 20 years old at this point; holy fuck. Dupree nearly eats a Twist of Fate but puts Matt on the apron. AND HE DROPKICKS MATT OFF! I didn't expect that. FRENCH TICKLER! And Rikishi superkicks him right on out! Now, through pacing, we only have 5 guys in the ring and there are no big rapid-fire eliminations. And we get #16, whom is A-Train. I like when they play with the entrant times, as long as it keeps the match fresh and interesting. A-Train goes right after Rikishi. Benoit dumps Matt Morgan! Again, eliminating a larger opponent. Benoit, Booker and Rikishi try to dump A-Train to no avail. Orton is the one who manages to dump Rikishi! And Orton tosses Booker T, too! A-Train beats the hell out of Benoit in the corner with those clubbing blows (TM Jim Ross). Shelton Benjamin is your seventeenth entrant as Benoit dumps A-Train! Benjamin goes after Orton while Benoit struggles to get to his feet. Superkick misses from Benjamin and he tangles himself up in the ropes, so Orton dumps him! And we're left with numbers 1 and 2 being the only ones in the ring right now. Back suplex to Orton, but both men collide with each other head-first. #18 comes out right away, as Lamont comes out to introduce ERNEST, THE CAT, MILLER! Both men dance inside the ring. They dance, ala Rikishi and Too Cool in 2000. Unfortunately, Benoit and Orton are not amused. Benoit tosses Lamont's wig out, then Lamont, as Orton tosses Earnst the Cat Miller.
#19 is SERIOUS BUSINESS, as it's KURT FUCKING ANGLE! Angle knocks down Orton but Benoit manages to slow him down a bit. Benoit lights Angle's chest up with chops, but Angle takes the momentum and hits a vertical suplex. Angle tries to toss Benoit as Orton relaxes in the corner. Benoit hangs on though as Orton walks over to attack Angle from behind. #20 is Rico, accompanied to the ring by Jackie Gayda. Rico was a pretty good wrestler with good charisma who could have been a bigger star than he was. Rico and Orton trade blows while Angle tries to take out Benoit. Rico gets some good shots on Orton but Orton drops Rico with an RKO. Triple German Suplexes on Angle from bEnoit as Orton casually dumps Rico. Benoit goes up top, looking for a Diving Headbutt but Angle plays possum and shakes Benoit to fall on his testicles. #21 is Test...but there is no Test...Orton drops Angle with an RKO in the ring and is the only man standing right now. We go to the back locker room and Test is on the ground. Steve Austin is yelling at someone, assumingly the man who attacked Test. Austin makes the mystery man #21 to replace Test. And who could #21 be? Screeeech, CRASH. IT'S MICK FOLEY! ORTON HAS SHIT HIS TIGHTS! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS! Orton can't believe it!!! Foley and Orton BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER. Foley, fist and fire at Orton in the corner. BANG BANG! Foley runs off the ropes and delivers the infamous FOLEY CLOTHESLINE, sending both men to the outside! But Foley doesn't want to win the Rumble; he just wants to beat the hell out of Orton! I don't like that the announcers didn't pick up on that; really annoys me every time. Foley continues to attack Orton, slamming his face against the steel steps. Foley chokes Orton out with camera wire!
Christian comes out as #22, and he attacks Benoit. Foley is still beating Orton up ont he outside. Foley gets the steel steps, and hits an official! Orton takes advantage and NAILS Foley with a pair of BRUTAL chair shots! Orton just whips the back of Foley's head against the steel ramp. Orton lines up a chair shot but Foley goes low to gain the upperhand! And it's Mr. Socko! #23 is Nunzio, who eats Mr. Foley on the way out! FOLEY HAS LOST IT! Orton kicks Foley in the nuts as retribution and runs away. Nunzio takes a breather against the barricade. Angle hits a German Suplex on Christian, and one for Benoit! Nunzio cheers from the outside. #24 is the Big Show, and even though Benoit tossed a few big guys already, Big Show is the biggest man in this match; who can toss him out? Headbutt to Angle. Kick to the ribs of Benoit. Big chop to Christian. Big chop to Benoit. Headbutt to Christian. Angle gets a few licks on Big Show but Show hammers away at Angle. Big Show no sells Christian's attacks and chops him in the chest before tossing him across the ring. #25 comes out FAST, and it's Chris Jericho! Jericho and Christian were in a tag team together, but Jericho started (and did) turn face at this point; he just hadn't broken up with Christian yet. They team up to attack Angle but Big Show headbutts them both. BIG chop to Jericho. Christian hops on Big Show's back and everyone in the ring tries to toss out the Big Show, but the Big Show fights them all off.
#26 is Charlie Haas. He doesn't make an impact as Jericho and Christian suplex Haas. Christian turns on Jericho and tries to toss him out, but Jericho hangs on the apron. Jericho shoulders Christian in the gut through the ropes, and backdrops him out at the same time! #27 is Billy Gunn, who decides to return AGAIN in a Royal Rumble. Fame-Asser to Kurt Angle! There's one for Jericho! Billy Gunn is on fire as it saddens me that all these guys have to prove themselves and Billy just keeps coming back and not getting over. Nunzio is STILL on the outside. Jericho hits a nice belly-to-back suplex on Angle. German Suplex from Benoit to Jericho! There needs to be a drinking game; every time someone does a German Suplex on this show, take a drink. #28 is JOHN CENA! He's well on his way here to becoming the biggest star in the WWE. Cena takes a page out of the 1996 Royal Rumble and attacks Nunzio, before tossing him into the ring. Show attacks Cena upon entering, followed by a huge chop. Show delivers one to Nunzio for good measure. Cena fires away on Big Show! Cena just can't eliminate Big Show by himself, though. #29 is Rob Van Dam! Cena gets Angle up for the FU, and hits it! #30 is, of course, Goldberg, in his first and only Royal Rumble. He hops into the ring, SPEAR FOR BIG SHOW! SPEAR FOR BILLY GUNN! Everyone's getting punched and slammed by Goldberg! Nunzio hops in his back, so Goldberg walks over and shoves Charlie Haas over WITH Nunzio on his back! Nunzio gets slammed to the ground. SPEAR TO NUNZIO! That nearly sent him out of the ring. Goldberg clotheslines Billy Gunn out! Which is great, because really, how does he get so many late numbers in the Rumble? Goldberg gorilla press slams Nunzio to the outside. He calls for the Jackhammer on Goldberg, but it's Brock Lesnar! F-5 to Goldberg!! Goldberg is not happy and stares down Lesnar. "You're next, you son of a bitch!" Goldberg makes a rookie mistake and has his back to the ring as Angle runs from behind and dumps Goldberg!!
Final six: Big Show, John Cena, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam, and Chris Benoit. Cena and Angle try to dump Show, so Jericho joins in. Benoit and Van Dam stop fighting each other to join in, but it just IS NOT WORKING. Big Show shoves them all away and keeps knocking them down. Angle chop blocks the leg, and Lionsault from Jericho! FIVE. STAR. FROG. SPLASH TO BIG SHOW! Cena pumps up and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle! DIVING HEADBUTT FROM BENOIT! Angle organizes everyone in the ring, and calls for everyone to pick up Big Show and eliminate him. Big Show is dead weight though and they can't move him. Big Show explodes again! Big Show tosses John Cena, who looks like he hurt his knee too. But I believe he was okay. Van Dam hits the shoulders in the corner and tries a Monkey Flip, but Show shoves him to the outside! Big Show tosses Jericho, but Jericho skins the cat and stays in the ring! Dropkick to Big Show, which forces him to lean on the ropes! Jericho tries to toss Big Show but is backdropped onto the apron. Eye rake to Big Show, Jericho slides back in, dropkicks Big Show in the knee, bulldog from the second turnbuckle, and Jericho is going for the Walls of Jericho!! Big Show taps, but it doesn't matter! Angle attacks Jericho for being dump. Hey, it was HIS idea to team up against Show! Jericho tries to dump Angle as big Show drops Benoit. Big Show has Jericho by the throat, and Chokeslams Jericho straight to the outside!
Three men left. Benoit gets caught by the throat and Chokeslammed. Angle goes for a waist lock and tries a German Suplex on Big Show to no avail. But he DOES nail the Olympic Slam! Benoit fights Angle and gets the Olympic Slam as a result! AND NOW THE STRAPS ARE DOWN! Angle asks the crowd who they want him to go for. Big Show is the choice but Show catches Kurt by the throat. Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock!! Big Show screams and taps but it doesn't mean anything still. Big Show climbs the ropes, still in the Ankle Lock, and Big Show leans over the ropes and pulls Angle to the outside! Brilliant move but Angle is pissed! So now we have Chris Benoit, left with the unfortunate task of eliminating the Big Show; a feat that FIVE MEN couldn't do together. Big Show is on the apron so Benoit hits a diving headbutt, but instead of falling to the inside of the ring, he tumbles to the inside. Tazz says you have to "put your balls on the table" to win. Benoit runs off the ropes but gets caught around the throat, REVERSAL, Crippler Crossface! Big Show taps for a THIRD time, but it still doesn't matter! Big Show just stands up with Benoit on him and slams himself on top of Benoit. Both men are down, but Big Show is up first and he is pissed. The strap comes down! Show goes for the gorilla press slam on Benoit and walks to the ropes, but Benoit grabs Big Show by the head. Big Show tries to hammer Benoit off and puts him on the apron. But Benoit keeps...hanging...on...and slowly slides under the ropes, and BIG SHOW GOES OVER THE TOP! PULL BENOIT, PULL HARDER! BIG SHOW IS ALMOST...BIG SHOW IS OUT! BENOIT DOES IT! BENOIT WINS!
Here's the thing; this match will not be for everyone due to what happened to Chris Benoit. But if you can set that aside, this was, for my money, the PERFECT Royal Rumble. Benoit needed that push to get into the main event and they built this match up to make sure Benoit would get over. This match makes Benoit look like a main eventer, and that went a long way. It was such a great moment and the ending was a fantastic emotional roller coaster. *****
2003 Royal Rumble
Helluva way to start the Rumble, as #1 is, for the second time in his career, Shawn Michaels. Shawn had just returned last summer after 4 year absence due to a broken back and a drug addiction. He started to wrestle full time again in November, and stayed full-time until his retirement in April of 010. Great way to start, as we have the question of whether Shawn can do it again this year. #2 is Chris Jericho, who has had his problems with Shawn as of late. Jericho appears at the top of the ramp...but it's actually Christian dressed as Jericho. Jericho sneaks in from behind and delivers a low blow right to Shawn. Shawn is easy pickings from here as Jericho punches Shawn right in the head. Jericho goes through the ropes and grabs a chair, and then BLASTS Shawn Michaels in the head. The draws color from Shawn. #3 is Christopher Nowinski, in his only Royal Rumble appearance. He sadly had to retire due to a concussion. He lets Jericho take care of Shawn, first. Jericho punches Shawn in the face a few times. Jericho decides enough is enough and throws Shawn out with ease. Crowd is not happy with Jericho. Nowinski still doesn't enter the ring, as Rey Mysterio comes out as #4. It's Mysterio's Rumble debut and he springboard dropkicks Jericho right off the bat. Mysterio wasn't broken down by injuries yet but gets a huge powerbomb from Jericho. Nowinski finally gets in the ring when Mysterio gets in control, and attacks Rey.
#5 is Edge! He and Mysterio are former WWE Tag Team Champions at this point as he clotheslines both heels, and then delivers a pair of spears. Mysterio, with a hurricanrana off the top to Jericho. Edge and Rey javelin Jericho into the turnpost. Mysterio and Edge now go at it. Edge misses a spear so Rey tries the 619. Edge escapes, and Mysterio tries to scissor Edge out, but both men hang on. REALLY fucking close to eliminating Edge. Edge catches Mysterio's West Coast Pop into a Powerbomb. Hot streak there from both men, as Edge neither, was broken down by injuries at this point. Both men had to rework their style of matches and adapt to the limitations of their body, but man, could they go here. #6 is Christian, who is former World Tag Team Champions with Jericho not long before this. He runs in and hugs Edge, which confuses the hell out of Edge as they feuded about a year and a half ago. Edge spears Christian nearly out of his boots. Mysterio jumps on Edge's shoulders and Nowinski pushes them both over the top. They both hang on, and Nowinski thinks he tossed them out. Both men go up top and go for a double missle dropkick. Mysterio hits and Edge lands RIGHT on Nowinski's face. Brutal. Edge tries to toss Christian out while Jericho chills on the outside, and Mysterio hits a bronco buster on Nowinski.
#7 is another Rumble debut, this time in the former of Chavo Guerrero, who is a WWE Tag Team Champion at this point with Eddie. Man, the Smackdown! 6 really lit the world on fire in 2002. Benoit, Angle, Eddie, Chavo, Rey, and Edge. West Coast Pop to Chavo, 619 to Christian. West Coast Pop caught by Nowinski, but Mysterio tosses Nowinski out. Jericho gets back in the ring and clotheslines Mysterio out with force. #8 is Tajiri in his Rumble debut. He kicks the hell out of Jerihco and Christian to start. #9 is Bill Demott, formerly known as Hugh Morrus, looking crazier than ever. Demott tries to toss Jericho but Jericho hangs on. Demott clubs away at everyone in his path. #10 is Tommy Dreamer, with a trash can full of goodies. The crowd likes that. Tommy has the kendo sticks and wails away at everyone. Decent "ECW" chant. Edge grabs the other kendo stick and Dreamer and Edge beat Demott until he goes over the top. Jericho and Christian deliver a con-chair-to with trash can lids to Dreamer. Doesn't hurt that much and looks gorgeous. They toss Dreamer with ease and the crowd boos that. So much for your hardcore portion of the Rumble. Tajiri with the springboard back elbow to Chavo and Christian but Jericho attacks. Tarantula to Jericho! Not the best move as Jericho turns around and shoves Tajiri out.
#11 is BLING BLING BUCHANAN!! B-SQUARED! I have no idea if he's heel or face here. I don't remember what Cena is at this point. Cena's still heel. Bling Bling doesn't matter because Edge tosses him out quickly. I like when the guys you know don't have a chane in hell of winning go out quickly. Edge tosses Chavo but Chavo lands on the apron, so Edge spears him off. Edge tosses Jericho, but Jericho hangs on. Edge and Christian try to toss each other but Jericho skins the cat and dumps both men at the same time. Jericho has a big, bloody knot on his head from the kendo stick, as Jericho is the only man in the ring. #12 is Rob Van Dam. Great reaction for Van Dam who kicks Jericho in the face. Van Dam hits all his fancy kicks and signature moves pretty fast, including the Rolling Thunder. Jericho rakes the eyes a couple times to slow Van Dam down. Van Dam sling shots Jericho out, but Jericho hangs on AGAIN. #13 is Matt Hardy, VERSION 1! This was a great gimmick for Matt, and probably the highlight of his singles career. I'd say it may have been when he returned to a huge pop and feuded with Edge, but he was more or less buried in that feud. Jericho and Matt team up to take down Van Dam. Van Dam fights the odds but Jericho connects with a bulldog. Misses the lionsault and eats a spinning heel kick. Van Dam up top...FIVE. STAR. FROG. SPLASH to Jericho. And then Matt picks Van Dam up and tries to toss him, but Van Dam jumps right back in.
#14 is EDDIE GUERRERO~! I miss Eddie Guerrero. He is the other half of the WWE Tag Team Champions. Eddie's still a heel at this point, but the crowd was starting to turn Eddie face, as Eddie and Chavo were just too damn entertaining. Van Dam and Eddie revisit their great feud from 2002 and batter each other. Matt body slams Van Dam and Eddie hits his Frog Splash on Van Dam's FACE. Shit. Matt then turns on Eddie and hits a Twist of Fate. Matt stands tall, as #15 is, of course, young Jeffery Hardy. Matt wants to team up and take on everyone. Jeff says "fuck that" and attacks Matt. Flying elbow, jawbreaker, double legdrop to the nuts, and Jeff tries to toss Matt. Great spot as Shannon Moore lies down with his legs up against Matt's back to keep him from falling out. Twist of Fate to Matt Hardy. Shannon Moore gets in to stop the Swanton. He lies on Matt to sacrifice himself, so Jeff Swanton Bombs them both. Eddge stalks and dropkicks Jeff to retaliate. #16 is Rosie of 3 Minute Warning. Nothing important happens as Test comes in at #17. He's...well, I think face at this point as his fans are his Testicles. And he's led to the ring by Stacy Keibler, who is looking gorgeous. Yep, he's face as he plows through Jericho, Rosey, and Eddie. Matt Hardy eats a Pump Handle Slam. Test tries to toss Jericho but Jericho hangs on AGAIN. You just cannot throw this motherfucker out!
#18 is John Cena, when he still used to do some awesome freestyle raps. Seriously, he was great. I know the character had to evolve, but I'd love for him to bust one more freestyle out. "My style's like a swollen penis; you can't beat me!" Van Dam goes outside and tosses Cena in, who gets beaten by Jericho. Jericho clearly did not forget Cena beating him in Cena's PPV debut last year. That took about a minute and a half as Charlie Haas comes out at #19. He is part of Team Angle at this point, tagging with Shelton Benjamin under the tutelage of, of course, Kurt Angle. Cena's not even wearing jeans shorts here; just jeans. So strange. Jeff Hardy is up at the top but Van Dam shoves him to the outside. Eddie walks up the turnbuckles and hurricanrana's Jericho. #20 is Rikishi. Apparently, this is Rikishi's 8th Royal Rumble, more than anyone else in WWE history. Kane ended up breaking that record. JR mistakenly says he eliminated 7 men in 2000, more than anyone else in WWE history. Of course, Kane broke that a year later with 11 in 2001. Rosey shoves Shannon Moore into Matt hardy and Rikishi crushes them with a running butt splash as the Samoans work together. Rikishi turns for the stink face on Mattitude and his follower, but Rosey clotheslines him so Rikishi can do the 360 degree sell. Van Dam takes advantage and dropkicks Matt and Shannon in the face. #21 is Jamal of 3 Minute Warning, who later became Umaga. Rikishi gets a stink face on Jamal. It doesn't stick as 3 Minute Warning beats up Rikishi.
#22 is the Big Red Machine, Kane. Now JR says that Kane eliminated more than anyone else in Royal Rumble history with 11. Way to go JR. Kane is just cooking with gas as this place is clogged up. Rosey runs over Kane but Kane sits up and backdrops Rosey out. Matt and Shannon both eat a simultaneous Chokeslam. Kane tosses Jericho but Jericho STILL JUST BARELY HANGS ON. Seriously, he's selling these near eliminations BEAUTIFULLY. #23 is Team Angle's Shelton Benjamin. Not much goes on as we need someone to clean house. #24 is Booker T, who is probably not the man to do that. "He's a former 5-time WCW Champion." No, JR, he's still a 5-time WCW Champion, just not the current one. Scissor Kick to Kane but Matt stops a Spinarooni. Flapjack to Matt as Booker is ALL ABOUT THE SPINAROONI! He really spun on that one. Booker backdrops Eddie out. I forget they can't job Booker out quickly here as he fought for the World Championship against Triple H at Wrestlemania 19. #25 is A-Train, as he seems to have a new gimmick every Rumble. He gives an A-Train Bomb to Cena and a backbreaker to Benjamin. He's truly intimidating here. A-Train Bomb (ugh) to Van Dam, but Rikishi takes him off his feet. Rikishi tosses Jericho but Jericho stays on the apron, raking the eyes to get in the ring. AND HERE COMES SHAWN MICHAELS! Shawn goes right for Jericho! Matt goes down! Cena goes down! Jericho clotheslines Michaels! BUT TEST TOSSES JERICHO OUT! SHAWN WITH A CROSSBODY TO THE OUTSIDE!
#26 is Maven of Tough Enough fame. Seriously, someone NEEDS to clear the ring. It's way too cluttered. A-Train splashes down on Charlie Haas. #27 is Godlust, who, I believe is still a tag team with Booker T at this point. Shattered Dreams to Maven. Haas and Benjamin team up to eliminate Goldust, as Haas clotheslines him out while Benjamin distracted Goldust on the apron. Booker attacks Haas as a result. Team Angle manages to dump Booker T, though. #28 is DAAAAVE BATIIIIISTAAAAA. Batista still had his awesome lyricless music at this point, but was VERY green. He plows through Cena. Green he may be, he still looks intimidating as hell. Cena and Van Dam take the worst of Batista's beatings. Test stops him with a Full Nelson Slam, though. Test tries tossing Batista but Batista hangs onto the ropes. Test charges with a boot but Batista holds the ropes down and Test goes to the outside. Batista clotheslines Rikishi out. #29 is Brock Lesnar, as they just get bigger and bigger. Brock beat Big Show earlier to earn this spot in the Rumble. Brock starts a path of destruction but Team Angle slows him down. Lesnar responds by tossing both men out. Lesnar follows that up by F-5ing Matt to the outside, onto Team Angle. A-Train plows him with a pump kick and yells, "son of a bitch!!" #30 is, much to the joy of the crowd, the Undertaker, returning to competition. No idea how long he was out for but he's a face again. Undertaker clotheslines Cena out. Rosey eats a clothesline, too. Maven tries to dropkick the Undertaker from behind! He thinks he got it and jumps for joy, but 'Taker didn't go out, and chokeslams Maven to hell. Then, he tosses Maven out. A-Train Bomb to the Undertaker. Kane delivers a chokeslam to Brock Lesnar. Kane and Van Dam are tag partners at this point and team up to knock Batista down. Van Dam saves Kane from an A-Train powerbomb, and then they both clothesline A-Train out. Kane is going to gorilla press slam Van Dam onto Batista, but Kane changes his mind and tosses Van Dam to the outside onto A-Train instead. Big crowd heat to that and Lawner laughs at it.
Final four: Kane, Batista, the Undertaker, and Brock Lesnar. Batista and Kane clothesline each other as Brock and 'Taker stand alone. Before they can go at it, Kane attacks Lesnar and Batista attacks 'Taker. Batista spinebustes the Undertaker as Batista and Kane double team Lesnar in the corner, but Lesnar fights out. BIG overhead belly-to-belly suplex to Batista from Lesnar. F-5 to Kane! Holy fuck, Lesnar is strong. Now we're back to the Undertaker and Lesnar. F-5, but Undertaker escapes. Tombstone Piledriver, and it connects!! Undertaker clotheslines Batista out. Hey, look, a change of pace: three face superstars! The Undertaker helps Kane up, but then grabs him by the back of the head and tosses him out. Batista in with a chair but eats a boot, and then eats his own chair shot. Lesnar sneaks up from behind and dumps the Undertaker! Great start, good middle, decent ending, but there was a lot of plodding between the middle and the very end. Still, a good Rumble. But the best is yet to come...***1/2
#5 is Edge! He and Mysterio are former WWE Tag Team Champions at this point as he clotheslines both heels, and then delivers a pair of spears. Mysterio, with a hurricanrana off the top to Jericho. Edge and Rey javelin Jericho into the turnpost. Mysterio and Edge now go at it. Edge misses a spear so Rey tries the 619. Edge escapes, and Mysterio tries to scissor Edge out, but both men hang on. REALLY fucking close to eliminating Edge. Edge catches Mysterio's West Coast Pop into a Powerbomb. Hot streak there from both men, as Edge neither, was broken down by injuries at this point. Both men had to rework their style of matches and adapt to the limitations of their body, but man, could they go here. #6 is Christian, who is former World Tag Team Champions with Jericho not long before this. He runs in and hugs Edge, which confuses the hell out of Edge as they feuded about a year and a half ago. Edge spears Christian nearly out of his boots. Mysterio jumps on Edge's shoulders and Nowinski pushes them both over the top. They both hang on, and Nowinski thinks he tossed them out. Both men go up top and go for a double missle dropkick. Mysterio hits and Edge lands RIGHT on Nowinski's face. Brutal. Edge tries to toss Christian out while Jericho chills on the outside, and Mysterio hits a bronco buster on Nowinski.
#7 is another Rumble debut, this time in the former of Chavo Guerrero, who is a WWE Tag Team Champion at this point with Eddie. Man, the Smackdown! 6 really lit the world on fire in 2002. Benoit, Angle, Eddie, Chavo, Rey, and Edge. West Coast Pop to Chavo, 619 to Christian. West Coast Pop caught by Nowinski, but Mysterio tosses Nowinski out. Jericho gets back in the ring and clotheslines Mysterio out with force. #8 is Tajiri in his Rumble debut. He kicks the hell out of Jerihco and Christian to start. #9 is Bill Demott, formerly known as Hugh Morrus, looking crazier than ever. Demott tries to toss Jericho but Jericho hangs on. Demott clubs away at everyone in his path. #10 is Tommy Dreamer, with a trash can full of goodies. The crowd likes that. Tommy has the kendo sticks and wails away at everyone. Decent "ECW" chant. Edge grabs the other kendo stick and Dreamer and Edge beat Demott until he goes over the top. Jericho and Christian deliver a con-chair-to with trash can lids to Dreamer. Doesn't hurt that much and looks gorgeous. They toss Dreamer with ease and the crowd boos that. So much for your hardcore portion of the Rumble. Tajiri with the springboard back elbow to Chavo and Christian but Jericho attacks. Tarantula to Jericho! Not the best move as Jericho turns around and shoves Tajiri out.
#11 is BLING BLING BUCHANAN!! B-SQUARED! I have no idea if he's heel or face here. I don't remember what Cena is at this point. Cena's still heel. Bling Bling doesn't matter because Edge tosses him out quickly. I like when the guys you know don't have a chane in hell of winning go out quickly. Edge tosses Chavo but Chavo lands on the apron, so Edge spears him off. Edge tosses Jericho, but Jericho hangs on. Edge and Christian try to toss each other but Jericho skins the cat and dumps both men at the same time. Jericho has a big, bloody knot on his head from the kendo stick, as Jericho is the only man in the ring. #12 is Rob Van Dam. Great reaction for Van Dam who kicks Jericho in the face. Van Dam hits all his fancy kicks and signature moves pretty fast, including the Rolling Thunder. Jericho rakes the eyes a couple times to slow Van Dam down. Van Dam sling shots Jericho out, but Jericho hangs on AGAIN. #13 is Matt Hardy, VERSION 1! This was a great gimmick for Matt, and probably the highlight of his singles career. I'd say it may have been when he returned to a huge pop and feuded with Edge, but he was more or less buried in that feud. Jericho and Matt team up to take down Van Dam. Van Dam fights the odds but Jericho connects with a bulldog. Misses the lionsault and eats a spinning heel kick. Van Dam up top...FIVE. STAR. FROG. SPLASH to Jericho. And then Matt picks Van Dam up and tries to toss him, but Van Dam jumps right back in.
#14 is EDDIE GUERRERO~! I miss Eddie Guerrero. He is the other half of the WWE Tag Team Champions. Eddie's still a heel at this point, but the crowd was starting to turn Eddie face, as Eddie and Chavo were just too damn entertaining. Van Dam and Eddie revisit their great feud from 2002 and batter each other. Matt body slams Van Dam and Eddie hits his Frog Splash on Van Dam's FACE. Shit. Matt then turns on Eddie and hits a Twist of Fate. Matt stands tall, as #15 is, of course, young Jeffery Hardy. Matt wants to team up and take on everyone. Jeff says "fuck that" and attacks Matt. Flying elbow, jawbreaker, double legdrop to the nuts, and Jeff tries to toss Matt. Great spot as Shannon Moore lies down with his legs up against Matt's back to keep him from falling out. Twist of Fate to Matt Hardy. Shannon Moore gets in to stop the Swanton. He lies on Matt to sacrifice himself, so Jeff Swanton Bombs them both. Eddge stalks and dropkicks Jeff to retaliate. #16 is Rosie of 3 Minute Warning. Nothing important happens as Test comes in at #17. He's...well, I think face at this point as his fans are his Testicles. And he's led to the ring by Stacy Keibler, who is looking gorgeous. Yep, he's face as he plows through Jericho, Rosey, and Eddie. Matt Hardy eats a Pump Handle Slam. Test tries to toss Jericho but Jericho hangs on AGAIN. You just cannot throw this motherfucker out!
#18 is John Cena, when he still used to do some awesome freestyle raps. Seriously, he was great. I know the character had to evolve, but I'd love for him to bust one more freestyle out. "My style's like a swollen penis; you can't beat me!" Van Dam goes outside and tosses Cena in, who gets beaten by Jericho. Jericho clearly did not forget Cena beating him in Cena's PPV debut last year. That took about a minute and a half as Charlie Haas comes out at #19. He is part of Team Angle at this point, tagging with Shelton Benjamin under the tutelage of, of course, Kurt Angle. Cena's not even wearing jeans shorts here; just jeans. So strange. Jeff Hardy is up at the top but Van Dam shoves him to the outside. Eddie walks up the turnbuckles and hurricanrana's Jericho. #20 is Rikishi. Apparently, this is Rikishi's 8th Royal Rumble, more than anyone else in WWE history. Kane ended up breaking that record. JR mistakenly says he eliminated 7 men in 2000, more than anyone else in WWE history. Of course, Kane broke that a year later with 11 in 2001. Rosey shoves Shannon Moore into Matt hardy and Rikishi crushes them with a running butt splash as the Samoans work together. Rikishi turns for the stink face on Mattitude and his follower, but Rosey clotheslines him so Rikishi can do the 360 degree sell. Van Dam takes advantage and dropkicks Matt and Shannon in the face. #21 is Jamal of 3 Minute Warning, who later became Umaga. Rikishi gets a stink face on Jamal. It doesn't stick as 3 Minute Warning beats up Rikishi.
#22 is the Big Red Machine, Kane. Now JR says that Kane eliminated more than anyone else in Royal Rumble history with 11. Way to go JR. Kane is just cooking with gas as this place is clogged up. Rosey runs over Kane but Kane sits up and backdrops Rosey out. Matt and Shannon both eat a simultaneous Chokeslam. Kane tosses Jericho but Jericho STILL JUST BARELY HANGS ON. Seriously, he's selling these near eliminations BEAUTIFULLY. #23 is Team Angle's Shelton Benjamin. Not much goes on as we need someone to clean house. #24 is Booker T, who is probably not the man to do that. "He's a former 5-time WCW Champion." No, JR, he's still a 5-time WCW Champion, just not the current one. Scissor Kick to Kane but Matt stops a Spinarooni. Flapjack to Matt as Booker is ALL ABOUT THE SPINAROONI! He really spun on that one. Booker backdrops Eddie out. I forget they can't job Booker out quickly here as he fought for the World Championship against Triple H at Wrestlemania 19. #25 is A-Train, as he seems to have a new gimmick every Rumble. He gives an A-Train Bomb to Cena and a backbreaker to Benjamin. He's truly intimidating here. A-Train Bomb (ugh) to Van Dam, but Rikishi takes him off his feet. Rikishi tosses Jericho but Jericho stays on the apron, raking the eyes to get in the ring. AND HERE COMES SHAWN MICHAELS! Shawn goes right for Jericho! Matt goes down! Cena goes down! Jericho clotheslines Michaels! BUT TEST TOSSES JERICHO OUT! SHAWN WITH A CROSSBODY TO THE OUTSIDE!
#26 is Maven of Tough Enough fame. Seriously, someone NEEDS to clear the ring. It's way too cluttered. A-Train splashes down on Charlie Haas. #27 is Godlust, who, I believe is still a tag team with Booker T at this point. Shattered Dreams to Maven. Haas and Benjamin team up to eliminate Goldust, as Haas clotheslines him out while Benjamin distracted Goldust on the apron. Booker attacks Haas as a result. Team Angle manages to dump Booker T, though. #28 is DAAAAVE BATIIIIISTAAAAA. Batista still had his awesome lyricless music at this point, but was VERY green. He plows through Cena. Green he may be, he still looks intimidating as hell. Cena and Van Dam take the worst of Batista's beatings. Test stops him with a Full Nelson Slam, though. Test tries tossing Batista but Batista hangs onto the ropes. Test charges with a boot but Batista holds the ropes down and Test goes to the outside. Batista clotheslines Rikishi out. #29 is Brock Lesnar, as they just get bigger and bigger. Brock beat Big Show earlier to earn this spot in the Rumble. Brock starts a path of destruction but Team Angle slows him down. Lesnar responds by tossing both men out. Lesnar follows that up by F-5ing Matt to the outside, onto Team Angle. A-Train plows him with a pump kick and yells, "son of a bitch!!" #30 is, much to the joy of the crowd, the Undertaker, returning to competition. No idea how long he was out for but he's a face again. Undertaker clotheslines Cena out. Rosey eats a clothesline, too. Maven tries to dropkick the Undertaker from behind! He thinks he got it and jumps for joy, but 'Taker didn't go out, and chokeslams Maven to hell. Then, he tosses Maven out. A-Train Bomb to the Undertaker. Kane delivers a chokeslam to Brock Lesnar. Kane and Van Dam are tag partners at this point and team up to knock Batista down. Van Dam saves Kane from an A-Train powerbomb, and then they both clothesline A-Train out. Kane is going to gorilla press slam Van Dam onto Batista, but Kane changes his mind and tosses Van Dam to the outside onto A-Train instead. Big crowd heat to that and Lawner laughs at it.
Final four: Kane, Batista, the Undertaker, and Brock Lesnar. Batista and Kane clothesline each other as Brock and 'Taker stand alone. Before they can go at it, Kane attacks Lesnar and Batista attacks 'Taker. Batista spinebustes the Undertaker as Batista and Kane double team Lesnar in the corner, but Lesnar fights out. BIG overhead belly-to-belly suplex to Batista from Lesnar. F-5 to Kane! Holy fuck, Lesnar is strong. Now we're back to the Undertaker and Lesnar. F-5, but Undertaker escapes. Tombstone Piledriver, and it connects!! Undertaker clotheslines Batista out. Hey, look, a change of pace: three face superstars! The Undertaker helps Kane up, but then grabs him by the back of the head and tosses him out. Batista in with a chair but eats a boot, and then eats his own chair shot. Lesnar sneaks up from behind and dumps the Undertaker! Great start, good middle, decent ending, but there was a lot of plodding between the middle and the very end. Still, a good Rumble. But the best is yet to come...***1/2
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
2002 Royal Rumble
This is an interesting Rumble for a number of reasons. Again, there are a few guys in here that could reasonably win, being Stone Cold, the Undertaker, Kurt Angle, and Triple H, who is wrestling in his first match since May of 2001 here, coming off of his first torn quadriceps muscle. Also, they promoted the returns of Goldust, Mr. Perfect, and a couple other guys in this one. There are also a bunch of fresh faces, as the Invasion angle had just ended and a few guys (Booker T, DDP, the Hurricane, etc) are in this one.
#1 is Rikishi. #2 is the returning Goldust. Crowd pops big for him. Dustin Runnels really took this outlandish gimmick and made it his own, and is still completely over with the crowd these days. They toyed with heel Goldust when he returned, but the crowd loved him too much, and he found a formidable tag team partner with Booker T. But that's later. Goldust circles Rikishi and bites at him, and Rikishi attacks. 2 minute intervals again this year. Goldust shows no ring rust here. He nearly gets tossed but hangs on for dear life. Goldust survives being backdropped out of the ring again. Goldust stays in the match as the Big Boss Man is #3. The Boss Man came back late in 2001 and retired from WWE in-ring competition about 5 months after this, before passing away sadly 2 years later. The Boss Man is still a great, old school heel here. Boss Man calls the shots as he teams with Goldust to try and toss Rikishi. It doesn't work so Goldust turns on the Boss Man. #4 is Bradshaw of the APA, and the crowd is HOT tonight. Bradshaw hits everything that moves. Honestly, the thing that wrestlers seem to miss in these Rumbles, is that something should ALWAYS be going on. There's so many wrestlers in the ring that there's no reason a couple guys shouldn't always have the stage to keep the crowd into it. This Rumble is doing that well so far. Rikishi superkicks the Boss Man, followed by a clothesline, sending him to the outside.
#5 is...and if I could be serious for a minute here... Lance Storm. And right here, Storm tries to get Goldust out, and Rikishi tries to get Bradshaw out. Obviously, neither man is going out by the way they're trying to toss them, so one of these pairs should take the center of the ring and do something interesting. #6 is Al Snow. Bradshaw just TAKES Storm's head off, viciously, with the Clothesline from Hell. Man that was intense. Anyway, Al Snow had just found somewhat of a career resurgence as the head trainer on Tough Enough, which got him more screen time than he ever had in the WWE. #7 is The One Billy Gunn, who now goes by Billy, in a tag team with Chuck Palumbo. This of course, led to their almost-marriage, to which Billy replied, "OH we're not gay!" Cracked me up. This is one of my favorite spots in the Rumble: Snow backdrops Storm onto the apron. Lance Storm tries to suplex Al Snow to the outside but he lands on the apron as well. They trade blows, and Storm hits an eyepoke. He goes for the superkick but gets caught, so Snow delivers his own superkick and Storm falls to the outside. I LOVE that elimination. One of my all-time favorites. Bradshaw tries to dump Goldust but Gunn sneaks up from behind and dumps Bradshaw.
#8 is...well fuck it, it's the Undertaker. And not just any Undertaker, but the HEEL Undertaker. Snow just stares at him in fear. Say goodbye to everyone in the ring. Chokeslam to Billy Gunn. 'Taker hits everyone moving. Goldust is Chokeslammed out of the ring. Goodbye Al Snow. Adios Rikishi. And peace the fuck out Billy Gunn. The Undertaker stands alone in his yard, telling them to get somebody in the ring. Despite being a heel, the crowd pops big for him. #9 is Matt Hardy, accompanied to the ring by Lita. Back in December, the Undertaker put Matt, Jeff, and Lita all out of action, during a Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy feud. 'Taker grabs Matt by the throat so Lita jumps off the top, but gets caught by the throat too. 'Taker shoves Matt away but Lita goes low. Swinging neckbreaker by Matt and Lita and Matt stomp away at the Undertaker. 'Taker kicks Matt in the nuts to stop his momentum. Matt tries to dump 'Taker, who is having NONE of that. #10 is Jeff Hardy, as the Hardys are reunited! Jeff saves Matt from being suplexed out of the ring! Matt DDT's 'Taker, and now the Hardys and Lita stomp away at the Undertaker. Big pop for that. Two years in a row Matt and Jeff have close numbers by each other and the Hardys hug. Good, because their feud crashed and burned. 'Taker clotheslines both Hardys at once to shut them the fuck up. 'Taker tosses Jeff, but he hangs on the apron. Twist of Fate...kinda...on 'Taker! Swanton Bomb! THE SHIRTS ARE COMING OFF! Well, just Matt's, so it's not that big of a pop. Poetry in Motion coming up but Jeff is caught and dumped. Last Ride to Matt Hardy. Bye bye young Matthew Hardy.
Without missing a beat, we have another entrant. #11 is...Tough Enough Season 1 winner, Maven. Maven is excited and pumped until he sees it's just the Undertaker in the ring. Everyone assumes Maven is fucked, and rightfully so. Lawler wants to time how long this will take. Lita is up on the apron to distract 'Taker. He shoves her off the apron so the Hardys run in to attack the Undertaker. 'Taker swats them away like flies and eliminates them again. Then, in one of the biggest surprise eliminations in the Rumble ever, Maven dropkicks the Undertaker from behind and SENDS HIM TO THE OUTSIDE! This was HUGE, as the Undertaker had a real chance to win and this no-name rookie eliminates him early on. Maven jumps up and down and then realizes what he's DONE, so the Undertaker comes back in the ring and beats the fuck out of Maven. In fact, they go through the crowd to the concession stands, and Maven goes through the ropes but is effectively taken out of the match. Maven takes a BRUTAL chair shot straight to the head. #12 is Scotty 2 Hotty who dances his way down until the Undertaker kills him dead on the ramp with a right hand. Maven does his first blade job! 'Taker beats Maven all around the arena as #13 is Christian, complete with awesome amazing pyro and theme music. 'Taker, ever the awesome one, eats popcorn after he throws Maven's head through a popcorn machine. Christian poses in the ring with his European Championship. Scotty is still wondering where the fuck he is, as Christian relaxes on the ropes. Scotty now in the ring, and he takes it to Christian.
#14 is Positively Page, DDP. DDP is in his motivational gimmick, which worked for him pretty well. He squares off against him Wrestlemania 18 opponent, Christian. Page was so over; they really fucked him over during the Invasion. He could have easily led the WCW/ECW Alliance side. When he pulled his mask off to reveal himself as the Undertaker's stalker, the crowd went wild. Such a shame it went down like it did, and he had more success as a mid-carder with the European Championship. Diamond Cutter to Christian and Scotty superkicks him through the ropes. This leaves the ring clear for a bulldog, followed by the...W-O-R-M! DDP back in and throws Scotty 2 Hotty over the rope and to the outside. Chuck Palumbo enters at #15. Page and Palumbo beat the hell out of each other for a bit before Christian joins in to clothesline DDP. #16 is the return of the Godfather! At this point, he's gone "legit." He brings out 4 ho's. Then...he brings out 4 more. THEN...he brings out 4 MORE. Godfather owns an escort service at this point. And 12 women dance around the Godfather at the top of the ramp and the crowd digs it. DDP was eliminated off-camera by Christian and Palumbo. Bad timing, really. Godfather starts to go to the ring, but runs back up to dance a little more. We replay as Chuck throws DDP into Christian, who backdrops him to the outside. Godfather gets in the ring as we get another entrant!
#17 is Albert, as I totally forgot he teamed with Scotty 2 Hotty for awhile. The Hip-Hop Hippo! Sure, why not. Interesting watching Albert work as a face but he did a pretty good job. Pump kick to the Godfather. He tries to eliminate the Godfather but Christian and Palumbo sneak up from behind and toss Albert. The Godfather runs through both Christian and Palumbo with a double clothesline, and then runs the HO-TRAIN on them. They both move and clothesline the Godfather out of the ring. Crowd HATES that. Christian and Palumbo go at it as Perry Saturn enters at #18. I miss Moppy. Saturn had a rough few years not long after this, getting shot and becoming addicted to meth. He only recently returned to the public spotlight. #19 is Stone Cold Steve Austin to a gigantic pop. Austin eliminates Christian. Stunner to Saturn. Austin tosses Palumbo. And there goes Saturn! Austin brings back his fictional watch, realizes he has more time, throws Christian back in, gives him a Stunner, and tosses him again! He goes back outside for Palumbo, throws HIM inside, Stunner, and there goes Palumbo again! Austin chants "What?" as the crowd counts down, and Val Venis returns at #20. Shitty way to come back to the ring, eh Val? Austin listens to his watch and attacks when Val gets in the ring. Val mounts a comeback and gains some offense on Austin. Lou Thesz Press to Val Venis as Test enters at #21. Lots of double team offense on Austin here, mainly so Val doesn't immediately job out on his return. Austin mounts the comeback, Test accidentally boots Val, Austin clotheslines Val out, Stunner to Test, and Austin tosses Test out!
Game over, as #22 is Triple H, to the pop of the night. I do believe this is his return match, anyway, and the motherfucker is JACKED; unfortunately it hurt his in-ring product, and he was never able to be as good as he was in 2000-2001 again, sadly. Hunter's last match was losing his tag titles to Jericho and Benoit. His partner? The Texas Rattlesnake. They exchange words before Austin throws the first punch. Enough time has passed during the elimination, as the Hurricane has the misfortune of being #23. Austin and Triple H clothesline each other in the middle of the ring. The Hurricane preps for the...Chokeslam. He grabs Triple H and Austin by the throat simultaneously. Hunter and Austin just look at each other, grab Hurricane by the back of the head, and throw him straight to the outside. They follow by chopping the shit out of each other. We're cutting down on time between entrants, as Faarooq of the APA is #24. Faarooq just keeps getting SHITTY draws in the Rumble. Spinebuster to Austin, and he tries to toss him out but Triple H attacks from behind and saves Austin inadvertently. Stunner to Faarooq and Triple H clotheslines him out. Triple H and Stone Cold continue to beat the tar out of each other.
#25 is the return of MR. FUCKING PERFECT, looking fit as hell. I believe the last time he was in the WWE was 1996, where he helped manage a young Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Perfect had such great theme music; in fact...it was Perfect. He tosses his towel at Austin and works him over. Triple H goes to attack but Perfect knocks him down too. Perfect pulls one of his straps up and tries to eliminate Austin. He catches Triple H coming up and goes on the offense. Triple H and Austin work Perfect against the ropes, and, in another one of the best moments ever in a Rumble, he STILL manages to spit his gum out AND swat it away! Beautiful!! #26 is Kurt Angle. He goes right after Triple H, who returned to Madison Square Garden and Pedigreed Kurt upon arrival. Kurt was not too pleased about that. We get a fantastic, "You Suck! What? You Suck! What?" chant. Kurt works over Triple H and tries to eliminate him, but Austin runs over and (ugh) saves Triple H. For his reward, he gets an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. The participants are just getting bigger and bigger as #27 is the Big Show. Chokeslam to Mr. Perfect. Big Show grabs Austin and Hunter by the throat as well but they fight out of it. Big Show still plows through them both with a double clothesline. Kurt tries a waistlock but fails a German Suplex, and eats a gorilla press slam for his results...well, nearly, as Triple H attacks first and Kurt is saved. At least in this case, he did it because Big Show is the biggest threat in the ring at this point. Big Show just dominates everyone here.
Chokeslam to Triple H, as Kane enters at #28. Doesn't look like he'll top his elimination record this year, but he goes toe-to-toe with the Big Show. Kane tries a clothesline but Big Show shrugs it off and boots Kane. They grab each other by the throat but Kane goes low, picks Big Show up, and BODY SLAMS BIG SHOW OVER THE TOP ROPE! For his rewards, he eats a Stunner, and gets an Olympic Slam to the outside. Crowd isn't happy with that, as Kane was just getting more and more over as a face. #29 is Rob Van Dam. He immediately goes up top and hits Kurt Angle with a Five Star Frog Splash. Kick to Triple H. Spinning heel kick to Austin! There's one for Perfect! Body slam to Austin, Rolling Thunder! Whoops, Triple H kicks Van Dam and hits the Pedigree to stop him in his tracks. It really bothers me that Perfect didn't pull his other strap up. #30 is Booker T. He picks up Rob Van Dam, who was still dead from the Pedigree, and casually tosses him over the top. SPINAROONI!!! Austin isn't amused, Stunner to Booker that sends him over the top.
Final four: Triple H, Kurt Angle, Mr. Perfect and Triple H. The action is hot and heavy as Austin slingshots Hunter into the turnbuckle, and Angle hits him with an Olympic Slam. Angle delivers a German Suplex to Austin...followeed by another one...and a third one...and a fourth one! Their Smackdown! match of last year had nearly a dozen German Suplexes to (heel) Austin from (face) Kurt Angle. Angle and Perfect nearly dump Austin but he hangs on. Austin fights out of Perfect and Angle, and tries to eliminate Perfect. Angle runs from behind and DUMPS AUSTIN! Perfect attacks Angle as Triple H starts to stir a bit. Austin drags Perfect to the outside and attacks, but Angle throws Austin into the steel steps. Hunter is back up and attacks Angle. Austin grabs a chair and slides back in, STEEL CHAIR SHOT TO PERFECT AND ANGLE! There's one to Triple H for good measure, because he's Stone Cold Steve Austin, and he don't give a fuuuuuck. Hey, lookie: two heels and a face are left. Angle and Perfect team up to take on Hunter, but Hunter ducks and Angle nearly clotheslines Perfect out, but he hangs on and goes after Angle! PERFECTPLEX TO ANGLE! It gets a damn good pop. Neck flip!! But Triple H clotheslines Perfect out of the ring. And Kurt Angle PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS! IT IS ON! SPEAR TO KURT ANGLE! No love loss here as Kurt successfully retained his WWF Heavyweight Championship a year earlier at the Royal Rumble, with help from Austin. Kurt tries to dump Hunter to no avail. Hunter is back in and just attacks the throat, choking Kurt Angle on the mat. Hunter charges but Kurt backdrops him...only to the apron! Kurt thinks he won but Hunter comes back, facebuster, and Kurt is clotheslined to the outside! Triple H wins!! Some great spots in this Rumble, and it almost always stayed interesting. What else can I ask for? ****1/2
#1 is Rikishi. #2 is the returning Goldust. Crowd pops big for him. Dustin Runnels really took this outlandish gimmick and made it his own, and is still completely over with the crowd these days. They toyed with heel Goldust when he returned, but the crowd loved him too much, and he found a formidable tag team partner with Booker T. But that's later. Goldust circles Rikishi and bites at him, and Rikishi attacks. 2 minute intervals again this year. Goldust shows no ring rust here. He nearly gets tossed but hangs on for dear life. Goldust survives being backdropped out of the ring again. Goldust stays in the match as the Big Boss Man is #3. The Boss Man came back late in 2001 and retired from WWE in-ring competition about 5 months after this, before passing away sadly 2 years later. The Boss Man is still a great, old school heel here. Boss Man calls the shots as he teams with Goldust to try and toss Rikishi. It doesn't work so Goldust turns on the Boss Man. #4 is Bradshaw of the APA, and the crowd is HOT tonight. Bradshaw hits everything that moves. Honestly, the thing that wrestlers seem to miss in these Rumbles, is that something should ALWAYS be going on. There's so many wrestlers in the ring that there's no reason a couple guys shouldn't always have the stage to keep the crowd into it. This Rumble is doing that well so far. Rikishi superkicks the Boss Man, followed by a clothesline, sending him to the outside.
#5 is...and if I could be serious for a minute here... Lance Storm. And right here, Storm tries to get Goldust out, and Rikishi tries to get Bradshaw out. Obviously, neither man is going out by the way they're trying to toss them, so one of these pairs should take the center of the ring and do something interesting. #6 is Al Snow. Bradshaw just TAKES Storm's head off, viciously, with the Clothesline from Hell. Man that was intense. Anyway, Al Snow had just found somewhat of a career resurgence as the head trainer on Tough Enough, which got him more screen time than he ever had in the WWE. #7 is The One Billy Gunn, who now goes by Billy, in a tag team with Chuck Palumbo. This of course, led to their almost-marriage, to which Billy replied, "OH we're not gay!" Cracked me up. This is one of my favorite spots in the Rumble: Snow backdrops Storm onto the apron. Lance Storm tries to suplex Al Snow to the outside but he lands on the apron as well. They trade blows, and Storm hits an eyepoke. He goes for the superkick but gets caught, so Snow delivers his own superkick and Storm falls to the outside. I LOVE that elimination. One of my all-time favorites. Bradshaw tries to dump Goldust but Gunn sneaks up from behind and dumps Bradshaw.
#8 is...well fuck it, it's the Undertaker. And not just any Undertaker, but the HEEL Undertaker. Snow just stares at him in fear. Say goodbye to everyone in the ring. Chokeslam to Billy Gunn. 'Taker hits everyone moving. Goldust is Chokeslammed out of the ring. Goodbye Al Snow. Adios Rikishi. And peace the fuck out Billy Gunn. The Undertaker stands alone in his yard, telling them to get somebody in the ring. Despite being a heel, the crowd pops big for him. #9 is Matt Hardy, accompanied to the ring by Lita. Back in December, the Undertaker put Matt, Jeff, and Lita all out of action, during a Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy feud. 'Taker grabs Matt by the throat so Lita jumps off the top, but gets caught by the throat too. 'Taker shoves Matt away but Lita goes low. Swinging neckbreaker by Matt and Lita and Matt stomp away at the Undertaker. 'Taker kicks Matt in the nuts to stop his momentum. Matt tries to dump 'Taker, who is having NONE of that. #10 is Jeff Hardy, as the Hardys are reunited! Jeff saves Matt from being suplexed out of the ring! Matt DDT's 'Taker, and now the Hardys and Lita stomp away at the Undertaker. Big pop for that. Two years in a row Matt and Jeff have close numbers by each other and the Hardys hug. Good, because their feud crashed and burned. 'Taker clotheslines both Hardys at once to shut them the fuck up. 'Taker tosses Jeff, but he hangs on the apron. Twist of Fate...kinda...on 'Taker! Swanton Bomb! THE SHIRTS ARE COMING OFF! Well, just Matt's, so it's not that big of a pop. Poetry in Motion coming up but Jeff is caught and dumped. Last Ride to Matt Hardy. Bye bye young Matthew Hardy.
Without missing a beat, we have another entrant. #11 is...Tough Enough Season 1 winner, Maven. Maven is excited and pumped until he sees it's just the Undertaker in the ring. Everyone assumes Maven is fucked, and rightfully so. Lawler wants to time how long this will take. Lita is up on the apron to distract 'Taker. He shoves her off the apron so the Hardys run in to attack the Undertaker. 'Taker swats them away like flies and eliminates them again. Then, in one of the biggest surprise eliminations in the Rumble ever, Maven dropkicks the Undertaker from behind and SENDS HIM TO THE OUTSIDE! This was HUGE, as the Undertaker had a real chance to win and this no-name rookie eliminates him early on. Maven jumps up and down and then realizes what he's DONE, so the Undertaker comes back in the ring and beats the fuck out of Maven. In fact, they go through the crowd to the concession stands, and Maven goes through the ropes but is effectively taken out of the match. Maven takes a BRUTAL chair shot straight to the head. #12 is Scotty 2 Hotty who dances his way down until the Undertaker kills him dead on the ramp with a right hand. Maven does his first blade job! 'Taker beats Maven all around the arena as #13 is Christian, complete with awesome amazing pyro and theme music. 'Taker, ever the awesome one, eats popcorn after he throws Maven's head through a popcorn machine. Christian poses in the ring with his European Championship. Scotty is still wondering where the fuck he is, as Christian relaxes on the ropes. Scotty now in the ring, and he takes it to Christian.
#14 is Positively Page, DDP. DDP is in his motivational gimmick, which worked for him pretty well. He squares off against him Wrestlemania 18 opponent, Christian. Page was so over; they really fucked him over during the Invasion. He could have easily led the WCW/ECW Alliance side. When he pulled his mask off to reveal himself as the Undertaker's stalker, the crowd went wild. Such a shame it went down like it did, and he had more success as a mid-carder with the European Championship. Diamond Cutter to Christian and Scotty superkicks him through the ropes. This leaves the ring clear for a bulldog, followed by the...W-O-R-M! DDP back in and throws Scotty 2 Hotty over the rope and to the outside. Chuck Palumbo enters at #15. Page and Palumbo beat the hell out of each other for a bit before Christian joins in to clothesline DDP. #16 is the return of the Godfather! At this point, he's gone "legit." He brings out 4 ho's. Then...he brings out 4 more. THEN...he brings out 4 MORE. Godfather owns an escort service at this point. And 12 women dance around the Godfather at the top of the ramp and the crowd digs it. DDP was eliminated off-camera by Christian and Palumbo. Bad timing, really. Godfather starts to go to the ring, but runs back up to dance a little more. We replay as Chuck throws DDP into Christian, who backdrops him to the outside. Godfather gets in the ring as we get another entrant!
#17 is Albert, as I totally forgot he teamed with Scotty 2 Hotty for awhile. The Hip-Hop Hippo! Sure, why not. Interesting watching Albert work as a face but he did a pretty good job. Pump kick to the Godfather. He tries to eliminate the Godfather but Christian and Palumbo sneak up from behind and toss Albert. The Godfather runs through both Christian and Palumbo with a double clothesline, and then runs the HO-TRAIN on them. They both move and clothesline the Godfather out of the ring. Crowd HATES that. Christian and Palumbo go at it as Perry Saturn enters at #18. I miss Moppy. Saturn had a rough few years not long after this, getting shot and becoming addicted to meth. He only recently returned to the public spotlight. #19 is Stone Cold Steve Austin to a gigantic pop. Austin eliminates Christian. Stunner to Saturn. Austin tosses Palumbo. And there goes Saturn! Austin brings back his fictional watch, realizes he has more time, throws Christian back in, gives him a Stunner, and tosses him again! He goes back outside for Palumbo, throws HIM inside, Stunner, and there goes Palumbo again! Austin chants "What?" as the crowd counts down, and Val Venis returns at #20. Shitty way to come back to the ring, eh Val? Austin listens to his watch and attacks when Val gets in the ring. Val mounts a comeback and gains some offense on Austin. Lou Thesz Press to Val Venis as Test enters at #21. Lots of double team offense on Austin here, mainly so Val doesn't immediately job out on his return. Austin mounts the comeback, Test accidentally boots Val, Austin clotheslines Val out, Stunner to Test, and Austin tosses Test out!
Game over, as #22 is Triple H, to the pop of the night. I do believe this is his return match, anyway, and the motherfucker is JACKED; unfortunately it hurt his in-ring product, and he was never able to be as good as he was in 2000-2001 again, sadly. Hunter's last match was losing his tag titles to Jericho and Benoit. His partner? The Texas Rattlesnake. They exchange words before Austin throws the first punch. Enough time has passed during the elimination, as the Hurricane has the misfortune of being #23. Austin and Triple H clothesline each other in the middle of the ring. The Hurricane preps for the...Chokeslam. He grabs Triple H and Austin by the throat simultaneously. Hunter and Austin just look at each other, grab Hurricane by the back of the head, and throw him straight to the outside. They follow by chopping the shit out of each other. We're cutting down on time between entrants, as Faarooq of the APA is #24. Faarooq just keeps getting SHITTY draws in the Rumble. Spinebuster to Austin, and he tries to toss him out but Triple H attacks from behind and saves Austin inadvertently. Stunner to Faarooq and Triple H clotheslines him out. Triple H and Stone Cold continue to beat the tar out of each other.
#25 is the return of MR. FUCKING PERFECT, looking fit as hell. I believe the last time he was in the WWE was 1996, where he helped manage a young Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Perfect had such great theme music; in fact...it was Perfect. He tosses his towel at Austin and works him over. Triple H goes to attack but Perfect knocks him down too. Perfect pulls one of his straps up and tries to eliminate Austin. He catches Triple H coming up and goes on the offense. Triple H and Austin work Perfect against the ropes, and, in another one of the best moments ever in a Rumble, he STILL manages to spit his gum out AND swat it away! Beautiful!! #26 is Kurt Angle. He goes right after Triple H, who returned to Madison Square Garden and Pedigreed Kurt upon arrival. Kurt was not too pleased about that. We get a fantastic, "You Suck! What? You Suck! What?" chant. Kurt works over Triple H and tries to eliminate him, but Austin runs over and (ugh) saves Triple H. For his reward, he gets an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. The participants are just getting bigger and bigger as #27 is the Big Show. Chokeslam to Mr. Perfect. Big Show grabs Austin and Hunter by the throat as well but they fight out of it. Big Show still plows through them both with a double clothesline. Kurt tries a waistlock but fails a German Suplex, and eats a gorilla press slam for his results...well, nearly, as Triple H attacks first and Kurt is saved. At least in this case, he did it because Big Show is the biggest threat in the ring at this point. Big Show just dominates everyone here.
Chokeslam to Triple H, as Kane enters at #28. Doesn't look like he'll top his elimination record this year, but he goes toe-to-toe with the Big Show. Kane tries a clothesline but Big Show shrugs it off and boots Kane. They grab each other by the throat but Kane goes low, picks Big Show up, and BODY SLAMS BIG SHOW OVER THE TOP ROPE! For his rewards, he eats a Stunner, and gets an Olympic Slam to the outside. Crowd isn't happy with that, as Kane was just getting more and more over as a face. #29 is Rob Van Dam. He immediately goes up top and hits Kurt Angle with a Five Star Frog Splash. Kick to Triple H. Spinning heel kick to Austin! There's one for Perfect! Body slam to Austin, Rolling Thunder! Whoops, Triple H kicks Van Dam and hits the Pedigree to stop him in his tracks. It really bothers me that Perfect didn't pull his other strap up. #30 is Booker T. He picks up Rob Van Dam, who was still dead from the Pedigree, and casually tosses him over the top. SPINAROONI!!! Austin isn't amused, Stunner to Booker that sends him over the top.
Final four: Triple H, Kurt Angle, Mr. Perfect and Triple H. The action is hot and heavy as Austin slingshots Hunter into the turnbuckle, and Angle hits him with an Olympic Slam. Angle delivers a German Suplex to Austin...followeed by another one...and a third one...and a fourth one! Their Smackdown! match of last year had nearly a dozen German Suplexes to (heel) Austin from (face) Kurt Angle. Angle and Perfect nearly dump Austin but he hangs on. Austin fights out of Perfect and Angle, and tries to eliminate Perfect. Angle runs from behind and DUMPS AUSTIN! Perfect attacks Angle as Triple H starts to stir a bit. Austin drags Perfect to the outside and attacks, but Angle throws Austin into the steel steps. Hunter is back up and attacks Angle. Austin grabs a chair and slides back in, STEEL CHAIR SHOT TO PERFECT AND ANGLE! There's one to Triple H for good measure, because he's Stone Cold Steve Austin, and he don't give a fuuuuuck. Hey, lookie: two heels and a face are left. Angle and Perfect team up to take on Hunter, but Hunter ducks and Angle nearly clotheslines Perfect out, but he hangs on and goes after Angle! PERFECTPLEX TO ANGLE! It gets a damn good pop. Neck flip!! But Triple H clotheslines Perfect out of the ring. And Kurt Angle PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS! IT IS ON! SPEAR TO KURT ANGLE! No love loss here as Kurt successfully retained his WWF Heavyweight Championship a year earlier at the Royal Rumble, with help from Austin. Kurt tries to dump Hunter to no avail. Hunter is back in and just attacks the throat, choking Kurt Angle on the mat. Hunter charges but Kurt backdrops him...only to the apron! Kurt thinks he won but Hunter comes back, facebuster, and Kurt is clotheslined to the outside! Triple H wins!! Some great spots in this Rumble, and it almost always stayed interesting. What else can I ask for? ****1/2
2001 Royal Rumble
Okay, NOW we're cooking with gas. Right off the bat, you could realistically have recently-turned heel Rikishi winning it, Kane, the Undertaker, the Rock, and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. There's also the question of if the Undertaker and Kane are working together. And of course, there's 25 other guys, but none of them can win.
#1 is Jeff Hardy. #2 is Bull Buchanan of the Right to Censor. They waste no time getting started here. 2 minute intervals this year. Jeff hits some high flying moves to get the crowd into it before he gets his head taken off. Bull tries to gorilla press slam Jeff Hardy out, but Jeff rakes the eyes. Bull really struggled with that one. #3 is Matt Hardy! He goes to work on Bull, as the Hardys hit Poetry on Motion before double clotheslining Bull outside. The brothers touch knuckles and then lock up. Crowd doesn't really want to see the Hardys wrestle each other, though, is the problem. But it is the first time they've faced each other, if I recall correctly. Jeff tries to dump Matt, but they pause during the countdown. #4 is Faarooq, who doesn't have much better luck than he did last year. I spoke too soon as Faarooq ran right through the Hardys with a clothesline. Poetry in Motion missteps, and Faarooq catches Jeff, nearly throwing him out. Faarooq tries a Dominator on Matt, but Matt escapes. Twist of Fate, and Jeff nails the Swanton. They toss Faarooq out with ease, and then Matt tries to throw Jeff out but Jeff hangs on. AND THE SHIRTS ARE OFF!!! Jeff wants to keep his, though, so he ties it around his waste. Now the Hardys mean business and are coming to stiff blows Whisper in the Wind to Matt and both men are down.
#5 is our celebrity entrant, Drew Carey. Drew entered the Rumble to impress Trish Stratus, and is here to promote his Improv Special. In the ring, the Hardys are still fighting. Jeff dropkicks Matt into the ropes (and by dropkicks, I mean misses but Matt sells it). Matt on the apron as Drew enters the ring. Both Hardys are on the apron now, as they head up top. Matt tries to suplex Jeff out, but Jeff drops Matt, and Jeff comes tumbling down. Matt held onto the shirt around Jeff's shirt. DAMN YOU, SHIRT! Drew acts as if he won the damn thing. #6 is....Kane. Drew is fucked. Drew wants help from the referees. He wants the Hardys back in the ring. Kane is in the best shape of his career. Kane stalks the ring and calls upon his hellfire and brimstone. Drew waves, tries to shake hands, and then tries to bribe Kane. Kane grabs Drew by the throat by Raven and his kendo stick are #7. Raven hits Kane with the kendo stick before he can be Chokeslammed. Drew waves goodbye and jumps over the top rope, tail firmly between his legs. Drew cheers on Raven before leaving. Raven gets a fire extinguisher from under the ring as Lawler gets in a ringer; "I bet Kane wishes he had one of those a few times in his life." Al Snow runs out and attacks Raven. The referees don't let Snow in, but the countdown goes off, and Snow dives into the ring, nailing Raven and Kane with a trash can lid. Snow grabs a bowling ball from under the ring, nails Kane in the gut with it, and rolls it right into Raven's nuts. I'm sorry, he THROWS it in there, but eats a boot from Kane. Raven and Snow tee off on Kane's head with dueling trash cans. Double drop toe hold right on the trash can.
#9 is Perry Saturn, Terri right beside him. Saturn attacks Kane on his way in. Everyone tries to get their licks in on Kane but Kane keeps battling them off. Raven hits a sleeper and they're trying to break Kane down, who takes forever to get off his feet. #10 is Steve Blackman, who has his kendo sticks in hand. Blackman takes care of everyone with his sticks but Kane, who kills Blackman's momentum. The weaponry is slowly diminishing from the ring, as Grandmaster Sexay comes in at #11. He grabs a trash can lid and goes to town on everyone in sight. Sexay has nunchuks and attacks Blackman. Kane, though, just WAILS AWAY on EVERYONE with a trash can. He hit Grandmaster Ssxay so hard, he went outside. He tosses Blackman out, but Blackman hangs on until Kane smacks him in the head with a trash can lid. Kane tosses Al Snow, sends Raven to the outside, and takes care of Perry Saturn. Kane is left standing as the buzzer hits. #12 is the Honky Tonk Man! Honky grabs the mic and decides to sing his theme music. He's not even playing guitar; he's a phoney! PHONEY! Kane's had enough and breaks the guitar over Honky's head. Crowd pops for that. Kane shakes his head, "no." And goodbye, Honky Tonk Man.
Timing is great here as we get #13, who is THE ROCK~! Crowd loves that. His nameplate gets "TheRock.com" added to it, lol. Thank goodness they quit that. Rock goes to work on Kane and tries to throw him out but Kane stops that. Big "Rocky" chant from the crowd. Kane works over the Rock until the Goodfather comes out at #14. The Rock is having none of this and slaps the Goodfather to the outside, but meets a right hand from Kane. The Rock mounts a comeback but gets sidewalk slammed. #15 is Tazz, who debuted a year earlier. Unfortunately, that was the peak of his in-ring WWE career. Kane grabs Tazz by the throat, sets him on the turnbuckle, and punches him out of the ring. Kane goes back to work on the Rock. The Rock tries to eliminate Kane but Kane won't let it happen. Samoan drop on Kane! Both men are down, as #16 is about to come out, and it's...Bradshaw! Rock and Bradshaw team up to take down Kane until Bradshaw clotheslines the Rock's head off. Rock hits the spinebuster on Bradshaw but Kane stops him from getting started on the People's Elbow.
#17 is Albert. Bradshaw and Kane team up to knock Albert off his feet until Kane takes down Bradshaw. #18 is Hardcore Holly. He goes to work on Bradshaw before getting knocked down by Kane. Blado Bomb on Bradshaw. Hardcore and Bradshaw try to eliminate the Rock to no avail. I like that no one is saving each other pointlessly in these rumbles. Pump kick by Albert to Kane's chest. #19 is R-Truth during his initial WWE run as K-Kwik. A lot of brawling but some big moves are being hit. The ring isn't quite filled with dead wood but it's getting there as #20 is Val Venis. He does nothing of note as we get a bit more brawling. #21 is William Regal. He drills K-Kwik with some European Uppercuts and knees to the face. Nothing noteworthy is happening as someone needs to come in and clear the ring. #22 is Test, and I have a feeling he's not the man to do it. He goes right after William Regal, and tosses Regal out, before working on his former teammate, Albert. #23 is the Big Show, making his return after a brief absence. And now we might clear the ring a bit. Goodbye Test. See you later K-Kwik. Chokeslam to Albert. Chokeslam to Bradshaw. Chokeslam to Val Venis. Chokeslam to Hardcore Holly. Chokeslam to Kane!! One helluva Chokeslam, too. Only the Rock remains. The Rock goes low to escape the Chokeslam, slaps to the Big Show, and one HUGE slap followed by a clothesline sends the Big Show out!
Big Show is not happy so he takes apart the announce table and pulls the Rock to the outside as Crash Holly enters at #24. Rock takes his Chokeslam, this time through the announcer's table. Everyone finally gets smart and gangs up on Kane. Of course, the Undertaker comes out at #25. This is the American Bad Ass, as he arrives via Motorcycle. He wastes no time getting in the ring as he SAVES Kane from everyone nearly eliminating the big man. Kane and Undertaker look at each other and decide it's time. Goodbye Bradshaw, Crash, Hardcore, Val Venis, and Albert! All in about 7 seconds. Kane and the Undertaker stare at each other, but aren't...going...at it. They walk right up to each other, face to face, but poor Scotty 2 Hotty is number #26. Scotty looks scared shitless. The Undertaker and Kane just WAIT for him. Scotty gets in, hammered by both men. Big boot by Undertaker. Body slam by Kane. And a double Chokeslam on Scotty. Heeeeee's dead. They both grab Scotty by the head and throw him out, as the Rock starts to stir on the outside. #27 is STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! The crowd is MOLTEN. I've been waiting to use that one again. ATTACKED FROM BEHIND BY TRIPLE H! Triple H is pissed that Austin cost him his WWF Championship. Triple H beats the hell out of Austin on the outside as the Rock gets back into the ring and fires away at Kane, before he gets stopped by the Undertaker.
Triple H has busted Austin open as the One Billy Gunn returns to the ring at #28. He punches the hell out of Kane and the Undertaker before he gets hit in the throat by Kane. The referees are still trying to pull Hunter off of Austin. Billy Gunn and the Rock continue to get beat up by the Brothers of Destruction as Austin is covered in blood. So you have the Rock and Austin, both going into the final stretch of the Rumble as underdogs. You have Kane and the Undertaker working together. And Rikishi won the chance to be #30 on Raw. #29 is the return of HAKU~! Big afro and all! Haku beats the hell out of the Undertaker but I don't quite think the crowd knows who Haku is. Chops and a headbutt to Kane. Haku ends up being no match for Kane and the Undertaker, but he sure as hell keeps fighting. A whole lot of no selling going on there. Crowd chants for Austin as Billy Gunn gets back in this thing to help fight off Kane. #30 is Rikishi. He's a bad man, you know, doing bad things. Bad looks, prince amongst thieves and crookes. Rikishi goes after Austin on the aisle but Austin is FIGHTING BACK! Austin beats the hell out of Rikishi. Austin takes Haku out! Down to 6. Rikishi superkicks the Undertaker out!! There goes that plan. The Rock fires away at his Samoan brethren, but Rikishi turns the tide. Bonzai drop, but the Rock is up and hits a low blow, and knocks Rikishi to the outside!!
Final four: Kane, Billy Gunn, Stone Cold, and the Rock. Billy Gunn nearly eats a Stunner but Austin eats a Fame-Asser instead. Gunn tries to toss Austin but Austin reverses the momentum and tosses Billy Gunn out! Down to 3. Kane's been in there over 40 minutes, Austin got destroyed by Triple H, and Rock went through a table; anybody's game. The Rock and Austin lock eyes as the crowd loves it, and Austin gets the advantage on Rock...but Rock fires away from the corner! Austin goes down! Rock is stalking Stone Cold...Rock Bottom, but Austin fights out, Stunner! Super flip sell by the Rock! Austin hits a Lou Thesz Press on Kane, but eats slaps from the Rock. Rock Bottom! Rock sends Kane through the ropes and we're left with the Rock and Stone Cold. Austin tries to eliminate the Rock! The Rock fights off, and tries to eliminate Austin! Kane, from behind, and he dumps the Rock!! Austin hangs on, but the Rock is GONE. Kane thinks he's won, but Austin fires away! Austin goes to clothesline Kane out but is caught by the throat; Chokeslam! Kane calls for the end, but Austin goes low. Kane goes to the outside and decides a chair is a good idea. Austin counters with a kick, and Kane drops the chair. Kane picks Austin up, Austin slips out from behind, Stone Cold Stunner! Austin crawls towards the chair. BIG chair shot to the head! Another one! A third one and Kane is against the ropes! Clothesline sends Kane out! Stone Cold is going to Wrestlemania! What a great, great Rumble. Only one small dead spot, and at least it led to a firing squad of eliminations. Also, Kane gives a legendary performance in the Rumble, going 53 minutes and 46 seconds, and setting the record for most eliminations in one match at 11. ****3/4
#1 is Jeff Hardy. #2 is Bull Buchanan of the Right to Censor. They waste no time getting started here. 2 minute intervals this year. Jeff hits some high flying moves to get the crowd into it before he gets his head taken off. Bull tries to gorilla press slam Jeff Hardy out, but Jeff rakes the eyes. Bull really struggled with that one. #3 is Matt Hardy! He goes to work on Bull, as the Hardys hit Poetry on Motion before double clotheslining Bull outside. The brothers touch knuckles and then lock up. Crowd doesn't really want to see the Hardys wrestle each other, though, is the problem. But it is the first time they've faced each other, if I recall correctly. Jeff tries to dump Matt, but they pause during the countdown. #4 is Faarooq, who doesn't have much better luck than he did last year. I spoke too soon as Faarooq ran right through the Hardys with a clothesline. Poetry in Motion missteps, and Faarooq catches Jeff, nearly throwing him out. Faarooq tries a Dominator on Matt, but Matt escapes. Twist of Fate, and Jeff nails the Swanton. They toss Faarooq out with ease, and then Matt tries to throw Jeff out but Jeff hangs on. AND THE SHIRTS ARE OFF!!! Jeff wants to keep his, though, so he ties it around his waste. Now the Hardys mean business and are coming to stiff blows Whisper in the Wind to Matt and both men are down.
#5 is our celebrity entrant, Drew Carey. Drew entered the Rumble to impress Trish Stratus, and is here to promote his Improv Special. In the ring, the Hardys are still fighting. Jeff dropkicks Matt into the ropes (and by dropkicks, I mean misses but Matt sells it). Matt on the apron as Drew enters the ring. Both Hardys are on the apron now, as they head up top. Matt tries to suplex Jeff out, but Jeff drops Matt, and Jeff comes tumbling down. Matt held onto the shirt around Jeff's shirt. DAMN YOU, SHIRT! Drew acts as if he won the damn thing. #6 is....Kane. Drew is fucked. Drew wants help from the referees. He wants the Hardys back in the ring. Kane is in the best shape of his career. Kane stalks the ring and calls upon his hellfire and brimstone. Drew waves, tries to shake hands, and then tries to bribe Kane. Kane grabs Drew by the throat by Raven and his kendo stick are #7. Raven hits Kane with the kendo stick before he can be Chokeslammed. Drew waves goodbye and jumps over the top rope, tail firmly between his legs. Drew cheers on Raven before leaving. Raven gets a fire extinguisher from under the ring as Lawler gets in a ringer; "I bet Kane wishes he had one of those a few times in his life." Al Snow runs out and attacks Raven. The referees don't let Snow in, but the countdown goes off, and Snow dives into the ring, nailing Raven and Kane with a trash can lid. Snow grabs a bowling ball from under the ring, nails Kane in the gut with it, and rolls it right into Raven's nuts. I'm sorry, he THROWS it in there, but eats a boot from Kane. Raven and Snow tee off on Kane's head with dueling trash cans. Double drop toe hold right on the trash can.
#9 is Perry Saturn, Terri right beside him. Saturn attacks Kane on his way in. Everyone tries to get their licks in on Kane but Kane keeps battling them off. Raven hits a sleeper and they're trying to break Kane down, who takes forever to get off his feet. #10 is Steve Blackman, who has his kendo sticks in hand. Blackman takes care of everyone with his sticks but Kane, who kills Blackman's momentum. The weaponry is slowly diminishing from the ring, as Grandmaster Sexay comes in at #11. He grabs a trash can lid and goes to town on everyone in sight. Sexay has nunchuks and attacks Blackman. Kane, though, just WAILS AWAY on EVERYONE with a trash can. He hit Grandmaster Ssxay so hard, he went outside. He tosses Blackman out, but Blackman hangs on until Kane smacks him in the head with a trash can lid. Kane tosses Al Snow, sends Raven to the outside, and takes care of Perry Saturn. Kane is left standing as the buzzer hits. #12 is the Honky Tonk Man! Honky grabs the mic and decides to sing his theme music. He's not even playing guitar; he's a phoney! PHONEY! Kane's had enough and breaks the guitar over Honky's head. Crowd pops for that. Kane shakes his head, "no." And goodbye, Honky Tonk Man.
Timing is great here as we get #13, who is THE ROCK~! Crowd loves that. His nameplate gets "TheRock.com" added to it, lol. Thank goodness they quit that. Rock goes to work on Kane and tries to throw him out but Kane stops that. Big "Rocky" chant from the crowd. Kane works over the Rock until the Goodfather comes out at #14. The Rock is having none of this and slaps the Goodfather to the outside, but meets a right hand from Kane. The Rock mounts a comeback but gets sidewalk slammed. #15 is Tazz, who debuted a year earlier. Unfortunately, that was the peak of his in-ring WWE career. Kane grabs Tazz by the throat, sets him on the turnbuckle, and punches him out of the ring. Kane goes back to work on the Rock. The Rock tries to eliminate Kane but Kane won't let it happen. Samoan drop on Kane! Both men are down, as #16 is about to come out, and it's...Bradshaw! Rock and Bradshaw team up to take down Kane until Bradshaw clotheslines the Rock's head off. Rock hits the spinebuster on Bradshaw but Kane stops him from getting started on the People's Elbow.
#17 is Albert. Bradshaw and Kane team up to knock Albert off his feet until Kane takes down Bradshaw. #18 is Hardcore Holly. He goes to work on Bradshaw before getting knocked down by Kane. Blado Bomb on Bradshaw. Hardcore and Bradshaw try to eliminate the Rock to no avail. I like that no one is saving each other pointlessly in these rumbles. Pump kick by Albert to Kane's chest. #19 is R-Truth during his initial WWE run as K-Kwik. A lot of brawling but some big moves are being hit. The ring isn't quite filled with dead wood but it's getting there as #20 is Val Venis. He does nothing of note as we get a bit more brawling. #21 is William Regal. He drills K-Kwik with some European Uppercuts and knees to the face. Nothing noteworthy is happening as someone needs to come in and clear the ring. #22 is Test, and I have a feeling he's not the man to do it. He goes right after William Regal, and tosses Regal out, before working on his former teammate, Albert. #23 is the Big Show, making his return after a brief absence. And now we might clear the ring a bit. Goodbye Test. See you later K-Kwik. Chokeslam to Albert. Chokeslam to Bradshaw. Chokeslam to Val Venis. Chokeslam to Hardcore Holly. Chokeslam to Kane!! One helluva Chokeslam, too. Only the Rock remains. The Rock goes low to escape the Chokeslam, slaps to the Big Show, and one HUGE slap followed by a clothesline sends the Big Show out!
Big Show is not happy so he takes apart the announce table and pulls the Rock to the outside as Crash Holly enters at #24. Rock takes his Chokeslam, this time through the announcer's table. Everyone finally gets smart and gangs up on Kane. Of course, the Undertaker comes out at #25. This is the American Bad Ass, as he arrives via Motorcycle. He wastes no time getting in the ring as he SAVES Kane from everyone nearly eliminating the big man. Kane and Undertaker look at each other and decide it's time. Goodbye Bradshaw, Crash, Hardcore, Val Venis, and Albert! All in about 7 seconds. Kane and the Undertaker stare at each other, but aren't...going...at it. They walk right up to each other, face to face, but poor Scotty 2 Hotty is number #26. Scotty looks scared shitless. The Undertaker and Kane just WAIT for him. Scotty gets in, hammered by both men. Big boot by Undertaker. Body slam by Kane. And a double Chokeslam on Scotty. Heeeeee's dead. They both grab Scotty by the head and throw him out, as the Rock starts to stir on the outside. #27 is STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! The crowd is MOLTEN. I've been waiting to use that one again. ATTACKED FROM BEHIND BY TRIPLE H! Triple H is pissed that Austin cost him his WWF Championship. Triple H beats the hell out of Austin on the outside as the Rock gets back into the ring and fires away at Kane, before he gets stopped by the Undertaker.
Triple H has busted Austin open as the One Billy Gunn returns to the ring at #28. He punches the hell out of Kane and the Undertaker before he gets hit in the throat by Kane. The referees are still trying to pull Hunter off of Austin. Billy Gunn and the Rock continue to get beat up by the Brothers of Destruction as Austin is covered in blood. So you have the Rock and Austin, both going into the final stretch of the Rumble as underdogs. You have Kane and the Undertaker working together. And Rikishi won the chance to be #30 on Raw. #29 is the return of HAKU~! Big afro and all! Haku beats the hell out of the Undertaker but I don't quite think the crowd knows who Haku is. Chops and a headbutt to Kane. Haku ends up being no match for Kane and the Undertaker, but he sure as hell keeps fighting. A whole lot of no selling going on there. Crowd chants for Austin as Billy Gunn gets back in this thing to help fight off Kane. #30 is Rikishi. He's a bad man, you know, doing bad things. Bad looks, prince amongst thieves and crookes. Rikishi goes after Austin on the aisle but Austin is FIGHTING BACK! Austin beats the hell out of Rikishi. Austin takes Haku out! Down to 6. Rikishi superkicks the Undertaker out!! There goes that plan. The Rock fires away at his Samoan brethren, but Rikishi turns the tide. Bonzai drop, but the Rock is up and hits a low blow, and knocks Rikishi to the outside!!
Final four: Kane, Billy Gunn, Stone Cold, and the Rock. Billy Gunn nearly eats a Stunner but Austin eats a Fame-Asser instead. Gunn tries to toss Austin but Austin reverses the momentum and tosses Billy Gunn out! Down to 3. Kane's been in there over 40 minutes, Austin got destroyed by Triple H, and Rock went through a table; anybody's game. The Rock and Austin lock eyes as the crowd loves it, and Austin gets the advantage on Rock...but Rock fires away from the corner! Austin goes down! Rock is stalking Stone Cold...Rock Bottom, but Austin fights out, Stunner! Super flip sell by the Rock! Austin hits a Lou Thesz Press on Kane, but eats slaps from the Rock. Rock Bottom! Rock sends Kane through the ropes and we're left with the Rock and Stone Cold. Austin tries to eliminate the Rock! The Rock fights off, and tries to eliminate Austin! Kane, from behind, and he dumps the Rock!! Austin hangs on, but the Rock is GONE. Kane thinks he's won, but Austin fires away! Austin goes to clothesline Kane out but is caught by the throat; Chokeslam! Kane calls for the end, but Austin goes low. Kane goes to the outside and decides a chair is a good idea. Austin counters with a kick, and Kane drops the chair. Kane picks Austin up, Austin slips out from behind, Stone Cold Stunner! Austin crawls towards the chair. BIG chair shot to the head! Another one! A third one and Kane is against the ropes! Clothesline sends Kane out! Stone Cold is going to Wrestlemania! What a great, great Rumble. Only one small dead spot, and at least it led to a firing squad of eliminations. Also, Kane gives a legendary performance in the Rumble, going 53 minutes and 46 seconds, and setting the record for most eliminations in one match at 11. ****3/4
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